Are there any absoute rights and wrongs in parenting?

[seeker]

Apart from bottom line safety issues?

I have been thinking about this because I consider myself by nature a relativist, and the mumsnet consensus is to end most discussions with something like "each to their own".

But I was on a thread recently when I felt very strongly that someone's viewpoint was just wrong. Not a different point of view, but wrong. And I said so - expecting to be flamed - but somewhat to my chagrin I was reminded of my insignificance by being ignored!

So, are there any parenting issues that people feel are absolutely right or wrong - or is everything except basic safety things like car seats and smoking over babies heads and not leaving your valium open in the cot a matter of opinion?

The faecal vomiting example is a total red herring. It is a very, very rare outcome of very, very, very severe constipation (unusual unless the child is ill for other reasons too) but was cited by a nutritionist on the first Jamie Oliver 'let's all preach to/terrify parents and kids about school dinners' series. It is totally wrong to suggest that it can result from the kind of diets most children in this country consume. It was scare-mongering to a shocking degree and as we can see, has remained in the public domain as yet another apocryphal tale, portraying parents as ignorant and uncaring enough to put their kids at risk by doing things that are normal (i.e giving them food to eat).

sorry to hijack but

ANNA8888 i was reading a thread where it said you walked 2.5 miles to drop your dc off at school and 2.5 miles to pick her up again. did you mean 2.5 miles there, back, there and back again so 10 miles in total or 2.5 miles there and back and then there and back again so 5 miles in total iyswim?

I do kilometres, not miles .

It's just under 2 km to my daughter's school, so I go there and back first thing and then there and back again at lunchtime, on foot (pushing pushchair). Sometimes I take the bus on the way there, first thing (though I still have to walk across the park).

Plus I do the shopping on foot / go out for a walk/errands etc most afternoons.

thankyou - just trying to work out whether it's worth putting ds' name down at a preschool slightly further away. how long does it take you to walk the 2km?

About 20 minutes.

Easier in summer than winter.

Do you have a public transport or car option if the weather is bad?

Nappy, my dd's prescholl is 2 miles away, takes 1/2 hour there and 1/2 hour back so 2 hours walking a day, very good for you.

wow .... so you walk 8 miles a day?? impressed!!!

Only impressive when it's not raining though, bloody irratating when it is.

i think i need to stop hijacking this thread!! thanks for all your advice

I still think the basic absolute wrongs to start with are the law, very important bottom line. So you don't burn your child with cigarette ends. You don't cane it or hit it so you leave a mark etc etc

Then I think denying it medical care because of your religious beliefs is absolutely wrong too even if the law allows that.

Also denigrating them for wetting the bed, being stupid or whatever is wrong. I try to say 5 positive things to every negative which is a reasonable basis to work on.

no bloody flash cards
(SEN excepted)

oh and everything Xenia said

Not sure flash card are actually morally wrong - although I am prepared to be persuaded.
OK - my initial list.

Calling children rather than behaviours stupid, naughty, dumb etc.

Deliberate physical harm of any sort. This includes things like washing mouths out with soap. I have a "friend" who does this.

Withholding affection as a punishment (I have to stop myself doing this)

Not doing everything possible to counteract the racism, sexism and every other ism they are bombarded with. Worse, encouraging the isms.

Actively teaching them that it is a bad and dangerous world and that they are at risk in it at all times.

Condoning bullying.

Dressing children in inappropriately sexualized clothes.

And everything Xenia said (I have never ever said that before!!!!)

what Xenia said

sorry:

what seeker said about what Xenia said

AND what seeker said before she said what she said about what Xenia said?

AND what seeker said before she said what she said about what Xenia said

hadn't thought of sexualised clothes, that's v true.

I'm going to phrase this really badly (please bear with me)

When children are truly "pushed" by their parents (not encouraged to do their best/fulfill potential etc.) but genuinely pushed to be the best/brightest/fastest/strongest whatever...

"Competitive dad/mum syndrome". I agree, seasidemama.

Shouting at 6 year olds playing football. I am going to challenge the next dad who shouts "GET STUCK IN". Who will visit me in Kent and Canterbury Hospital some time on Saturday afternoon?

worse: competitive as in competitive with your child. Eg fathers who have to win at squash, mothers who flirt with daughter's boyfriend.

Good grief onebat. I'd not even thought of that.

Some of these are just not very good rather than so wrong we'd take a child into care, aren't they?

Perhaps there are 3 categories. Breach of the law. Then very bad parenting practice which does not breach the law but which might mean the children are better off without the parent and then third category not very good things probably some of which all of us have done from time to time like not enough pushing or too much pushing of the child's progress or shouting at them etc.

I'm going on 'things I'd feel duty bound to say something to the parent about', Xenia.