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Original poster

Parents rudeness

370 replies

happymom92 · 05/12/2022 05:19

Dear daughter is 4.5, reception class. She went to a trampoline park with my sister on saturday because I was working that day and by pure coincidence she met some of her class friends there.
One of them was having a birthday party(basically a booked table or 2 with a few adults and kids in a open space area). So ofc my DD was playing with her classmates and going to their table. The birthday girl mum ignored my daughter and literally turn her back on my daughter and offered all the other kids a slice of pizza. My sister noticed that and tried to remove her from there.
After a while ofc they had cake with Elsa(my daughter’s favourite character) and she was crying and being so upset why she can’t join them celebrate her friend’s birthday and have some cake too.
I do know she had no obligation whatsoever to include my daughter, but I just find it so rude and cruel to act like this with a 4 year old, especially being from the same class. I could never do it. I am thinking to privately message her or put a message on the parents group class(not giving names ofc) that we should all be nicer people(clearly she isn’t), maybe to learn something for the future. Am I overreacting? Should I just let it go and not stir things up and make it awkward when we meet eachother at school pick ups

PS in case she didn’t recognise my daughter, one of the other mums invited with her daughter at the party definitely knows my daughter and she didn’t say anything either (not her place to say it, but just for the record )

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lieselotte · 06/12/2022 11:22

On the fence here. Definitely don't post on Whatsapp groups. Sadly parents do take offence and take it out on the kids if they don't like other parents.

But I don't think it would have killed the party mum to say "oh hi OP's daughter, look we're tight on numbers for the party so you can't join in with the food but you can have some cake to take home".

girlmom21 · 06/12/2022 11:22

Tiredallofthetime · 06/12/2022 11:15

Why is it that when an OP dares ignore helpful advice then that’s all sort of wrong and tar and feathers follow, but everyone ignoring the op is acceptable?

Maybe because the OP is asking for opinions and advice?

Pascor · 06/12/2022 11:27

am thinking to privately message her or put a message on the parents group class(not giving names ofc) that we should all be nicer people(clearly she isn’t), maybe to learn something for the future. Am I overreacting?

Yes, do that. If you want your daughter to never be invited to anything ever again, til the end of time.

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Tiredallofthetime · 06/12/2022 11:37

And several pages ago she said she was not going to message the group chat, but still people keep coming …

Anyone would think people just enjoyed having a go eh @girlmom21 Hmm

Janbohonut · 06/12/2022 11:38

The other mum is a bitch, but don't post anything on the WhatsApp page, you are going to be dealing with these people for a long time.

Awkward situation and very difficult for your sister to navigate, and your daughter. I would have included the child but some mothers are petty AF.

For all those saying the venue would have noticed and charged extra - really? In my experience they throw the food down at that's the last you see of them.

Luana1 · 06/12/2022 11:38

Are you sure the party host/attendees recognised your daughter? It took me a while to recognise all the kids in my DC’s reception class and if they were not with a parent I recognised I would have no idea that my child knew them, so I wouldn’t jump to the conclusion that’s they didn’t think your daughter was just a random child that had befriended the party group 🤷🏻‍♀️

KettrickenSmiled · 06/12/2022 11:38

lieselotte · 06/12/2022 11:22

On the fence here. Definitely don't post on Whatsapp groups. Sadly parents do take offence and take it out on the kids if they don't like other parents.

But I don't think it would have killed the party mum to say "oh hi OP's daughter, look we're tight on numbers for the party so you can't join in with the food but you can have some cake to take home".

It wouldn't have, but one of the reasons it didn't happen might be that the party parent had no idea who DD, or DD's aunt was.

I suspect that OP's sister has made a drama out of a common or garden event, & egged OP on with negative spins on party parent's motivations, actions, how upsetting everything was, & how party parent Needs To Be Taught A Lesson By Whatsapp. It's a shame, because it could have been better managed & downplayed, but the sister is only young, & not experienced around school party politics, which are usually better avoided than trumped up into a giant unnecessary spat.

Privatestate1 · 06/12/2022 11:40

Argh this is such an awkward situation for everyone involved. If I’d been the birthday girls mum I would probably have welcomed her in and offered cake (if I’d recognised her) but I would have felt very awkward about it and probably guilty for not inviting her (I know I know but that’s just me, I’m a people pleaser!)If I’d been the parent of the child not invited I would probably have hurried her off to go somewhere else before she clocked what was going on 🙈. Horrible coincidence! Definitely don’t put anything, just forget it now though, it wasn’t the mums fault that you happened to be there

realmsofglory · 06/12/2022 11:41

i certainly would not have given food to a child i don't know, I would expect parents of invitees to tell me about any dietary requirements, i would not have a clue about randomers.
Also where was your DC supposed to eat this cake? I assume everyone was sat around the table singing happy birthday.There would not have been a chair for your daughter
This is all on your sister who should have firmly told your DD 'no' to hanging around the birthday table.Your DD is 4.5 not 2, she knows about parties by now!

Hadtocomment · 06/12/2022 11:43

I don't think you're unreasonable OP. Even with all the provisos about costs and cake and not enough, sounds like the main parent of the party didn't handle it very well. A quick explanation to your sister would have been enough. It was probably embarrassment or not knowing how to say it or worrying about more party bags etc or something like that. But surely explaining is still the way. On the other hand I don't know about passive aggressive generalised messages about kindness on forums etc when actually you're specifically annoyed about something. I don't think that's ever the way to go.

Goldbar · 06/12/2022 11:44

It's just unfortunate that this occurred. 4yos won't understand. As the party mum, I would have offered pizza and cake, given a party bag and cobbled together another party bag for my own DC later. I'm not saying that's what she should have done, I'm saying that's what I would have done. But then my DC's invites for playdates and parties are fairly random anyway... when I ask DC who they want to invite, I get a random few names based on who they last saw. It would be entirely possible for DC to leave a good friend out of their party because, well, 4/5 yos are ditsy and don't have developed ideas of friendship. I'd very much err on the side of caution when it came to hurting anyone's feelings, especially a small child.

Feelallright · 06/12/2022 11:45

realmsofglory · 06/12/2022 11:41

i certainly would not have given food to a child i don't know, I would expect parents of invitees to tell me about any dietary requirements, i would not have a clue about randomers.
Also where was your DC supposed to eat this cake? I assume everyone was sat around the table singing happy birthday.There would not have been a chair for your daughter
This is all on your sister who should have firmly told your DD 'no' to hanging around the birthday table.Your DD is 4.5 not 2, she knows about parties by now!

She doesn’t necessarily know about parties now. The OP said she’d only been to one other. The child only started school a few weeks ago. The OP is from another country.

Janbohonut · 06/12/2022 11:49

"She knows about parties by now!"

Seriously? She's FOUR!

The berating know-it-alls on this site are so boring.

Janbohonut · 06/12/2022 11:51

And I very much doubt all of these four year olds were "sitting around the table singing happy birthday."
It's not an Enid Blyton novel, it's a messy, loud party of kids barely out of toddlerhood in a fecking trampoline centre in 2022.

Fundays12 · 06/12/2022 11:52

sneezingpandamum · 05/12/2022 05:24

Sorry but your sister should have kept her away from the party group especially when food and cake was being served. It's pretty rude on your part to expect your daughter to have been included when she wasn't invited. Those parties are pretty expensive per head and maybe she only had enough food for those actually invited

If your child was such good friends with the birthday child she'd have been invited herself

I'd have been pretty annoyed if some whining crying tantrumming child was causing a fuss around the birthday group

Sorry but this exactly. Your sister put the host in an incredibly difficult position maybe she didn't have enough food or cake for an invited guest to eat?

girlmom21 · 06/12/2022 11:56

Tiredallofthetime · 06/12/2022 11:37

And several pages ago she said she was not going to message the group chat, but still people keep coming …

Anyone would think people just enjoyed having a go eh @girlmom21 Hmm

Yeah fair point!

Yesnoormaybe · 06/12/2022 12:09

Op how would you feel in the party girls mum posted on the group txt that an uninvited child ruined the party by asking for food and cake and throwing a tantrum, stating that parents that allow their child to believe they are entitled to gate crash any thing. You would be so upset so please do not post and upset the party mum

oakleaffy · 06/12/2022 12:18

Your daughter wasn’t invited to the party, and your sister should have removed your daughter.
Extras at parties are not usually catered for in the food planning.

OhChristmasTreeOhChristmasTreeFaLaLa · 06/12/2022 12:28

You can't just expect your child to join in a party because she happened to be there when someone she knows was having a party. You pay per head at those party's, you can't just add children to the party once there (even if there is enough food). There will also only be enough party bags for children at the party, it coukd have been very awkward for party mum to navigate.

Your sister should have moved away, not let your child join in and expect her to be fed and included. I'm embarassed for you that you thought this. Party mum did nothing wrong, she also could have been charged extra if your child joined.

Dello · 06/12/2022 12:34

I agree with you OP it seems mean, like people have totally lost track that this is 4 - 5 year olds celebrating a birthday.

That said, I definitely wouldn’t encourage you to message, it won’t make things better.

PutinSmellsPassItOn · 06/12/2022 12:42

Oh God don't send a message.......but it was rather twatty of the mum not to offer the kid a slice of cake if there was any spare.

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 06/12/2022 12:51

I have held and been to many trampoline parties over the years and there is always an excess of food, I’ve never seen all the cake and pizza get eaten. I would have definitely included your daughter without a second thought and so would all my friends as we want to show our kids how to be kind and inclusive of others and to care about their feelings. I am totally on your side Op what on earth is wrong with people these days leaving a 4 year old just because they happen to want to play with their friends at a trampoline park. However I wouldn’t post anything, just rise above it and be the good example of a kind parent when you next host a party!

Whydoiwearsomuchleopardprint · 06/12/2022 12:56

Also, to point out to people who are saying you could have been charged extra that’s rubbish, they charge you for however many you have paid to attend, they don’t care who eats the food! Parents and siblings always dig in when I’ve been as it’s rubbish to have leftovers and they don’t get charged! It’s a trampoline park not the Ritz!

Togoodtobeforgotten · 06/12/2022 13:01

Janbohonut · 06/12/2022 11:38

The other mum is a bitch, but don't post anything on the WhatsApp page, you are going to be dealing with these people for a long time.

Awkward situation and very difficult for your sister to navigate, and your daughter. I would have included the child but some mothers are petty AF.

For all those saying the venue would have noticed and charged extra - really? In my experience they throw the food down at that's the last you see of them.

It.might not be being petty these places cost a fortune and they are usually quite mean with their food as it is, so had she given this kid some food it may have left another child without that had actually been invited. At £25 per head not many people can afford to invite a whole class.

CrackingcheeseWallace · 06/12/2022 13:06

Don't bother with a text message; it'll blow up out of all proportion and your DD won't be invited to anything.

IF the party mum recognised your DD then she is pretty mean in ignoring her as I'm sure she could have offered a tiny slice of cake for DD; it's what I would have done anyway. Aw your poor DD, she is only 4 and won't understand all the bullshit politics of a school friends party yet. (God I'm so glad I don't have to deal with all that shit anymore!) I'm afraid you'll just have to seethe silently on this one OP!