Issues with in laws over kissing our baby, am I over reacting?

[Stephanieava]

I’m having issues with my Husband & my in-laws at the moment regarding our 5 month old Daughter. I have asked since she was born that nobody please kiss her - they are absolutely welcome to love all over her with cuddles etc but just please no kissing. This obviously includes my family who have quietly grumbled about it but have respected my wishes

My Husband has also agreed with it… up until she got to 12 weeks old. Since then it has become quite the issue

The problem comes with his side of the family, who seem almost hell bent on planting their lips on her whenever they can & whenever my back is turned. They have loudly brought it up in the past that they don’t agree with the ‘no kissing rule’ & my Husband hasn’t particularly stood up for it, leaving me to be the bad guy. The horrible daughter in law, which i try so hard not to be!

The whole situation thoroughly upsets me - i’ve seen many stories where kissing a baby has passed on nasties from the adult, I barely even kiss her myself! Her health is my priority. And the fact that I’m receiving no support on it…. Am I over reacting? Is 5 months now old enough for other people to start kissing her?

I’m just so fed up & overwhelmed with the disagreements over it. Should I stick to my guns or am I being silly because she’s old enough now, which my Husband thinks!

Thank you x

I think it’s a reasonable request with a newborn, but you’re fast approaching the age where they’re sticking whatever they can find in their mouths and practicing their pincer grip on unidentifiable floor-morsels. It probably will seem like a complete non-issue really soon

Over reacting quite a lot. She is 5 months old. How do you think they debvelop immune systems? Wait till school & nursery and this will seem laughable. This kind of over protectiveness does nothing to help your relationship with your in laws either. Obviously if someone is sick, has a cold or an active cold sore they should have no contact. But you do need to lighten up.
Although the 'controlling' 'LTB' 'how dare your in laws' crew will be around in a bit so wait for their advice if it fits better.

Is it just kissing that you are worried about, or are there other things that you fret about "nasties"?

It does sound overly careful to me, yes. You are the mother and you know her best, but, there does come a time where exposure to germs is good for building immunity.

Totally overreacting. Poor child, who is barely kissed by her own mother and banned from being kissed by her own father.

I find it very sad.

Being obvious illness/visible coldsores etc, I find this very sad. You cant (and shouldn't) keep your child in a germ free bubble forever.

I think a baby being smothered in kisses by the people who love her is a wonderful thing. And in my experience, a slightly older baby or young toddler loves being smothered in kisses.

I think you are being completely unreasonable. If you had a real concern about your baby's health, especially as a newborn, perhaps. But now you're just being a bit weird and honestly, you're depriving your baby.

Really unkind of you not to let them do something so natural, safe and important.

Kissing her on the lips, fine (reducing chance of cold sores). Kissing her on the cheeks, nose, head etc is fine!

Kissing/sniffing a babies head is almost a reflex isn’t it?! I think you are being silly.

OP, in the nicest possible way you are going to laugh about this in a couple of month’s time when you’ve caught her licking the wheels of her pram or eating something gross from the floor.
Let people who love her kiss her, it’s a natural loving thing to do.

You are so unreasonable, how can you have a baby and not kiss it?
Presumably your baby has skin, an infection barrier, you know? What are you actually afraid of? Have you done any real risk assessment? Chill out, enjoy your baby and let others that love her, enjoy her.

Your husband is right, and as you put it yourself ‘you are being silly now’

Literally the only way she will develop a stronger immune system is to get illnesses.

You are massively overreacting OP, and the consequence is you are withholding affection from your child (both your own and others) - I'm struggling to understand why any mother would do this. Have you suffered health anxiety before, or is this just caused by having a baby? You might benefit from speaking to someone if this worry about health and germs is of such a concern to you, because banning people from kissing a baby for 5 months is extreme (and holding back from kissing your own child is heartbreaking). I could vaguely understand this when baby is only a couple of weeks old, but you have long left that stage, and it's time to reflect more on why you are pursuing this potentially damaging rule (damaging to your child in having affection withheld, damaging to your relationship with your partner because of the fighting, and the tensions with the family too - honestly, what are you trying to achieve here?).

We had a no kissing rule when newborn, then from about 3 months ish it's been kisses on the head but none on the face. DH, other DC and I kiss on the cheeks but noone else. Could kisses on the head but not face be a compromise?

Totally overreacting.. I bet you bloody well kiss baby, why can't your own family! Nothing bad will happen, evolution has coped thus far...

No if you don't want them to they shouldn't

Unless they have a cold sore YABU.

I agree with this sentiment when they're brand new newborns. That's said, you're now approaching the age of weaning and your daughter starting to get very curious over everything and possibly being one of those children who puts everything in their mouth (my DS is one of these children, he's nearly 2 and at this point it's definitely a case of pick my battles and hoping he grows out of it within the next year 🤞).

If anyone who does want to kiss your daughter has something obvious like a cold/bug/cold sore etc, then yes, they should then keep their distance and not kiss her, but in terms of general health, 5 months is fine for this to be happening.

I don't think you are overreacting at all. If they are kissing her on the head fine, but the face and lips is just gross, especially with the potential of passing on rsv which can be dangerous to babies. However I don't know how you will stop them from doing it unfortunately.

Are your family allowed to kiss her?

Over reaction much......🤔

How can you "barely kiss" your own child

Babies are for kissing (unless you have a cold sore, obvs).

What a strange life you lead

Where abouts are they kissing her.
Never kiss on the lips and never with cold sores of if they're unwell!
But on her head or little cheeks or on her neck to make her laugh is the best thing!

When you said that you hardly kiss your daughter it made my heart sink. That isn't normal. It is good for babies to receive kisses from their mother especially if breastfeeding (look it up). Please kiss your baby!

Yes you are being silly.
Wait till she starts licking crumbs off the floor or eating your shoes.
They need to develop their immunity. Very mean of you to ban grandparents from kissing their grandchild.