Issues with in laws over kissing our baby, am I over reacting?

[Stephanieava]

I’m having issues with my Husband & my in-laws at the moment regarding our 5 month old Daughter. I have asked since she was born that nobody please kiss her - they are absolutely welcome to love all over her with cuddles etc but just please no kissing. This obviously includes my family who have quietly grumbled about it but have respected my wishes

My Husband has also agreed with it… up until she got to 12 weeks old. Since then it has become quite the issue

The problem comes with his side of the family, who seem almost hell bent on planting their lips on her whenever they can & whenever my back is turned. They have loudly brought it up in the past that they don’t agree with the ‘no kissing rule’ & my Husband hasn’t particularly stood up for it, leaving me to be the bad guy. The horrible daughter in law, which i try so hard not to be!

The whole situation thoroughly upsets me - i’ve seen many stories where kissing a baby has passed on nasties from the adult, I barely even kiss her myself! Her health is my priority. And the fact that I’m receiving no support on it…. Am I over reacting? Is 5 months now old enough for other people to start kissing her?

I’m just so fed up & overwhelmed with the disagreements over it. Should I stick to my guns or am I being silly because she’s old enough now, which my Husband thinks!

Thank you x

Kindly you might be being over anxious here

that is not unusual in itself but not even allowing dad to kiss his own child is definitely unusual

Kissing on lips is gross... But head and cheeks is OK {as long as no cold sores in the kisser's mouth}

I noticed my actual dog had lipstick marks on her head once, someone must have kissed her bonce.

Babies need kissing. Otherwise why are they so soft and squishy?

I think this is way over the top. I want my DCs' grandparents to give them as many kisses as possible.

If this is the only issue then I think it's time to relax. If you have a general fear of germs and normal childhood illnesses then it's time to talk to your GP.

I cannot imagine "barely kissing" my baby, how cold and unpleasant for you both. Baby is not a newborn, unless someone has a cold sore, kisses are safe. Let your baby be loved and kissed, like normal.

"unidentifiable floor-morsels" made me laugh... my DD is 20 months and I still catch her eating things off the floor - the other day it was a bit of onion skin!

Kissing babies is so overwhelmingly instinctive that I would expect there to be some evolutionary benefit/s to it. Probably to do with bonding, promoting a healthy immune system etc. Please kiss your baby and let people who love her do the same.

I’ll just confirm that I don’t get to kiss her a lot because I suffer from cold sores & they have unfortunately been abundant since giving birth. Her Dad absolutely kisses her! She is showered with love, we adore her with ever bone in our bodies. She is also breastfed so despite me not being able to kiss her a whole bunch, we have so much special bonding time

The nastiness & judgement in some of these comments is a lot. As an overwhelmed FTM just trying to do what’s best for my Daughter, I came on here not to get justification for my worries but to genuinely see if other parents were acting similar or whether I should calm down. Which is seems I should.

Thank you to those of you who replied in a logical but kind way, it means a lot

Agreed. When my baby was a newborn I told my family never to kiss him on the lips and DP also told his mum. DP and I never do either. I suffered awfully when I was very young with coldsores literally all over my face and would never forgive myself if this happened to DS through someone kissing him on the lips, there's been so many cases i've read. I kiss him loads on the cheeks/head though, obviously when I don't have a coldsore.

By the time my daughter was 6 months old she was licking the kitchen floor at every available opportunity. She’s now 8 month old and takes every chance she can to crawl into the hall to try and eat whatever shoes she can find. I understand with a newborn and/or random people but if she is healthy I don’t see how a kiss from her granny can be a bad thing. I think you’re being a bit precious to be honest.

I didn't have this rule with my 2 but I can understand why you did to start with. But at 5 months I'd say it's time to loosen up a bit.
I feel so sad for you that because you suffer from coldsores you are having to avoid kissing your baby. Hopefully you will be clear of them soon and be able to smother her in kisses.

You'll laugh about this one day OP and when you see what chaos babies turn into you'll unclench.

I had to peel a chewed moth out of DDs mouth last week.

Speak with your midwife or mental helath services, possible mental health issues here.

@1POTUS oh my god hahaha! This is a stage I’m very much looking forward to…. Not! Lol

I agree with you with no kissing on the lips at newborn. I get the odd cold sore and keep far from DDs face. But other than that lap you the kisses and let her enjoy all the love from others. As long as they know not to go near her with cold sores or illness (common sense really) you're all good. There's a lot of people with kids with RSV at the moment and it can get quite hard to know what's best to do and what's not.

Enjoy the next few months before peeling insects out of her mouth. But honestly, a kiss on your baby is far more hygienic than picking and eating dirt / bugs / whatever else kids pick up and want to dine out on!

Nah, she's old enough to be kissed now. She's not going to pick up any nasties that she's not already exposed to. Just make sure no one has any active cold sores (inc you and hubby). That is the one time I banned my mum from kissing my kids. She wasn't pleased but they both managed to get through childhood without picking them up.

I agree if it's kissing the baby on the mouth - that's a way to spread all sorts of nasty bacteria, including stuff that causes dental decay. But if you breastfeed her, general kisses are probably doubly beneficial. First off, she'll thrive on the love and affection; secondly, it'll mean you get to 'sample' her bacteria and can therefore boost her immune system. It'll help to tailor your antibodies to her.

Plus, it's just fun. Babies are SO DELICIOUSLY SQUISHY. Kissing baby DD2 is one of the absolute joys of my life because she's CHUBBY and ROLLY and LUSH, and it makes her laugh and wiggle. It's great.

Oh dear PFB alert!

@Onceuponawhileago the last part of your post gave me a good chuckle 😂 they do seem to dominate mumsnet, don’t they? Don’t forget the “you’re in an abusive relationship” and “he’s gaslighting you” crew, of course spoken in response to harmless and innocuous minor disagreements between spouses 🙄

OP, I’m on the overprotective, germaphobe side of the spectrum, too, but I do think that letting go a little can be good for both you and for baby.

Ah come on, I think this is a bit OTT now. Fair enough when she was tiny maybe.

my son was permanently covered in marks off my mum’s lipstick when he was a baby lol

Yep have to agree with the other posters. It won't be too long before she is putting all sorts in her mouth.

Unless she’s immunosuppressed there’s no harm in people kissing her, though not on the mouth.
The bigger issue is that you’ve asked them not to and they seem to be doing it as much as possible, making it obvious that they’re defying you deliberately.
Maybe the way forward is for you to relax your no kissing rule, and tell them you have decided that, but keep an eye on how they are with other instructions from you. Otherwise they might get into the habit of ignoring you when you give instructions about what to do / not to do with your baby (your baby not theirs!) There have been plenty of posts here about relatives feeding a dc chocolate, coffee and all sorts of things when they’ve been told not to.

@Milkandhoneybees 😀You also have to own a cavapoo, work part time, be always fighting with MIL, want a 650k house even though you have just got on the property ladder and constantly check your husbands phone.

I agree, so cruel and heartless. The poor child.

This is classic Precious First Born helicopter mummy. You are being rather batshit, sorry, but you are. Just insane. Babies need to be kissed to build up and immune system. You are hindering her more than you are helping. If someone had a cold or flu or gastro or whatever, then it would of course be totally reasonable for you to ask that person not to kiss the baby. But at 5 months you are being completely irrational. Apologise to your in laws and family, and blame it on PBF syndrome.