He left our 6 week old baby on the bed with 10 year old daughter

[Vi14]

Hi I might just be being overprotective.
My boyfriend and I have a 6 weeks old baby and live separately. He came to stay at mine with his 10 year old daughter.
I was downstairs and he came down without the baby and said he had left her upstairs with his daughter. I went upstairs he had left the baby on the bed next to his daughter. I brought her downstairs as I didn’t agree with this. Am I being unreasonable to think that the baby shouldn’t be left alone with his daughter? I also have an 8 year old daughter and wouldn’t do this with her either.

Unless he stays over hes not going to realise how bad the colic is so not getting a fair chance. Has he stayed over with you and been allowed to parent or is it all you and your mum?

YANBU.

I don’t see it as being any different to couples who choose to sleep in different rooms due to snoring, early work starts etc

I think people comment because it's often a benefit workaround.

I do think you are being unreasonable about saying the baby shouldn’t be left with her 10yr old sister because you don’t know her well. But I do think it reasonable to be upset he left your colic baby crying while he had a chat with your mum

Seems like you only came here to get validation and are not actually interested in other people’s views unless they support your own! I can understand as a new mum you are very protective at this time but you are overreacting in my view.

It works for your relationship but does it work for your kids? Probably while they're small they won't notice, but once they grow up a bit, how are you going to explain it?

By unplesant do you mean ones that just say your not being reasonsble? Were livingbin a world where people ask fir opinions but actuslly just want to be told they are right.

Stop being so horrible

@OneFrenchEgg i get that some people do do this to work around benefits but don’t get why people just assume ALL couples who do this are on benefits. My partner works and so do I. I get child benefit but would get that even if we lived together.

You’d only been dating the man a brief period before he impregnated you, so you’re still learning who he is. The major flashing neon signs that he was a fundamentally terrible person were right there when you found out he chose to not parent his daughter for a year and blamed it on his ex. Didn’t bother paying the £200 (ish) fee to go to court? That’s abhorrent.

He hasn’t seen her for a year, is that how long you’ve known him?

You’d think someone who’s anti abortion and never planning to live with a man again, already has a young child with a horrible ex, would be on bullet proof contraception or take their time getting to know a new boyfriend - and his other kids - a bit better.

Yeah just what's more likely? That's what people go by I imagine, even if not outright stating.
Single parent with two young kids by different partners is working enough hours not to claim any top ups, plus partner is contributing full whack while maintaining own household?
Or: same single parent is actually claiming to be single, working a few hours while other person 'lives' at their parents home.

But you've had a baby with this man...... honestly you will have some serious hudles to jump if this is how you plan to go on...

My mum also didn’t agree with. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable or ridiculous in not wanting to leave my tiny baby on the bed with a child I don’t know when I wouldn’t even do that with my own daughter.

Well, if you want an echo chamber, just ask your Mum things in the future then.
If you want a wider range of opinions from potentially hundreds of thousands of other parents, then ask on MN.

Never sure why people ask if they are being unreasonable or not (even in 'Parenting - you did ask AIBU), if they aren't ready to hear that they might be.

YABU.

I do actually agree with you

People will judge. You choose to have a baby with someone whose daughter you don’t know, now you’re panicking about them being alone together. The whole set up sounds terrible, not at all what is best for any of the poor children involved.

@MolliciousIntent it does work for the kids as well as he sees them the same amount of time if he lived with us. He’s away to work before the kids wake up and comes here when he’s finished and does bath and bed time with us and stays over twice a week on his days off and gets to do the nursery drop off and pick up with the 3yr old and spend time with the baby while I am at work.

I'd be more concerned about this, tbh. Why hasn't he been seeing his own child?

YABU with a 10 year old, he was in the house so she wasn't on her own with the baby and definitely old enough to be next to one and keep an eye.

I'd be more worried with an older baby- once they can move it's so easy to blink and they roll. In theory I'd still trust a 10 year old but would be more worried at the guilt they'd feel if anything happened on their watch, rather than really being too worried that the baby would sustain any lasting damage.

(Saying that as someone who has had a baby roll off a bed while I was in touching distance but turned round to pick something up- it's just so easy for it to happen to anyone!!)

I don't see what's wrong with it

Your partner hasn't been in his daughter's life for a year and you broke up during the pregancy because he asked you to abort. Top notch father material!

So really, you have way better stuff to be worried about than a 10 year old being left alone with your baby.

Depends on the 10 year old.
DS was 10 when he younger sibling arrived and was a huge help.
Laid with him if I wanted a quick shower, to hang washing out etc.
To be honest it's harder to leave them together now at 13 and 3.

Why bother asking if you’re being unreasonable if you don’t think you are?