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Original poster

He left our 6 week old baby on the bed with 10 year old daughter

144 replies

Vi14 · 28/10/2022 14:20

Hi I might just be being overprotective.
My boyfriend and I have a 6 weeks old baby and live separately. He came to stay at mine with his 10 year old daughter.
I was downstairs and he came down without the baby and said he had left her upstairs with his daughter. I went upstairs he had left the baby on the bed next to his daughter. I brought her downstairs as I didn’t agree with this. Am I being unreasonable to think that the baby shouldn’t be left alone with his daughter? I also have an 8 year old daughter and wouldn’t do this with her either.

OP posts:
Locsup183 · 28/10/2022 15:06

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 28/10/2022 15:05

You’ve asked if you are being unreasonable and overprotective, overwhelmingly people say yes and then you start arguing why we’re wrong and you’re right!

when I had a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn I definitely left them all alone in the room together at times. Not for hours, obviously, but a quick nip? Yup.

I wouldn’t have even blinked about a 10 year old, or an 8 year old, being left along lying still next to a newborn.

^ This

Original poster
Vi14 · 28/10/2022 15:06

Because sometimes @MolliciousIntent contraception doesn’t work and I wasn’t about to have abortion as I don’t agree with it.

Thanks for all your comments. I will take most peoples comments into consideration.

This is my last comment as some people are getting a bit nasty. Bye.

OP posts:
milkysmum · 28/10/2022 15:07

What did you think would happen exactly?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 10 year olds 8 year olds Babies & sleep
BungleandGeorge · 28/10/2022 15:07

Leaving them alone together shouldn’t be any problem. However, leaving a 6 week old on the bed isn’t a safe place, there’s a suffocation and falling risk

RedHelenB · 28/10/2022 15:07

Vi14 · 28/10/2022 14:25

I don’t know much about his daughter as she’s been out of his life for a year or so. He wasn’t just nipping down he was down stairs for a while and his daughter was on her phone.

And all was fine. I think yabu.

DrMarciaFieldstone · 28/10/2022 15:08

I left my 5yo with dc2 when they were a baby while I had a shower… absolutely depends on each child but surely most 10yo’s are fine with a baby for a few minutes?

thelastgreatdynasty · 28/10/2022 15:08

You are being unreasonable as well as drip feeding information. However, I think you have bigger problems than this. Why would you have a baby in your situation?

Haffiana · 28/10/2022 15:13

YABVU. He is the baby's father. He also gets to make parenting decisions about who he leaves his baby with.

Haffiana · 28/10/2022 15:15

This way, OP >> www.mumsnet.com/talk/flouncers_corner

CharlotteRose90 · 28/10/2022 15:20

I personally think you’ve done the right thing. She might be 10 but you don’t know her. I’d do exactly the same thing. She isn’t your child so a bond and trust need to be made. Accidents can and do happen and I wouldn’t take that risk with someone that was nearly enough a stranger

Soubriquet · 28/10/2022 15:22

Christs sake people. I wouldn’t leave a screaming 6 week old with my old (not yet) 10 year old.

A settled baby, yes. But not one crying with colic and not so I can go and have a natter with another adult

RandomMusings7 · 28/10/2022 15:23

MolliciousIntent · 28/10/2022 14:53

Why on earth did you have a baby with a man who has other children you don't know?! A man you don't live with!? That seems like an incredibly irresponsible way to bring a child into the world.

Agreed!

Why do women feel like they absolutely need to have a baby I'm every relationship they have?

Not living together, not married not engaged, older kids on either side... and you think now's the time for a baby? Good lord...

jewishmum · 28/10/2022 15:23

His daughter was on her phone on the bed next to a crying baby, do you mean speaking on the phone? Seems hardly possible with the noise..

Bobby80 · 28/10/2022 15:23

Vi14 · 28/10/2022 14:44

My mum also didn’t agree with. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable or ridiculous in not wanting to leave my tiny baby on the bed with a child I don’t know when I wouldn’t even do that with my own daughter. Maybe I’m being overprotective but as her mother it’s my job to protect her. If she had been put in her crib or Moses basket it would be a different matter. My baby was not asleep she was starting to cry and no dad doesn’t do loads with baby as we don’t live together.

Why post in a forum asking “Am I being unreasonable?” If you are so sure you aren’t being unreasonable? If you aren’t open to the views of others then don’t ask!

UpCloseAndPersonalWithGlenda · 28/10/2022 15:24

Haffiana · 28/10/2022 15:15

GrinGrinGrin

DeireadhFomhair · 28/10/2022 15:24

... and also...
... and also...
... and also...
More and more reasons why OP believes she is right and everyone else is wrong, until she strops off the thread never to return 🙄

RandomMusings7 · 28/10/2022 15:26

If you don't agree with abortion maybe it's a good idea to double up on contraception...

qpmz · 28/10/2022 15:30

Babies don't move about at that age. I bet the 10 year old enjoyed minding her for a few minutes. It's healthy for parents to get a break now and again.

jennakong · 28/10/2022 15:33

Depends how responsible the 10 yr old is.

The baby is not at the stage of rolling over yet, that's far more dangerous. As long as there is plenty of room on either side and there's not an absolute mess of bedclothes etc.

As long as the person beside the baby isn't very sleepy, I don't see that it's particularly risky but as a new mum you are programmed to see everything as a danger, it is nature's way of keeping the baby as safe as possible!

MangshorJhol · 28/10/2022 15:38

MOST NT 8 year olds are safe around a baby. As someone with a 10 year old he’s utterly safe around a baby- including his newborn sibling whom he is happy to entertain while I take a shower etc. I am think you might be displacing your anger about his general uselessness on to this situation but on this occasion he was correct to trust a 10 year old.

Did he leave a 10 year old to deal with a crying baby? That’s more unfair on the 10 year old than the baby to be honest.

georgarina · 28/10/2022 15:39

YANBU, I definitely wouldn't leave a newborn with a child on the bed for an extended period of time (longer than popping downstairs to get something).

Sorry people are being dicks to you. You don't need that, especially with a 6 week old premie!

Congrats on your baby. x

KatieBell12 · 28/10/2022 15:41

What nonsense. What did you think would happen?

AuntMargo · 28/10/2022 15:42

Perfectly fine, she's 10, not 2

RedToothBrush · 28/10/2022 15:43

Vi14 · 28/10/2022 14:44

My mum also didn’t agree with. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable or ridiculous in not wanting to leave my tiny baby on the bed with a child I don’t know when I wouldn’t even do that with my own daughter. Maybe I’m being overprotective but as her mother it’s my job to protect her. If she had been put in her crib or Moses basket it would be a different matter. My baby was not asleep she was starting to cry and no dad doesn’t do loads with baby as we don’t live together.

You need to lighten up and stop being this ridiculous.

Its unhealthy.

DaughterofDawn · 28/10/2022 15:43

Vi14 · 28/10/2022 14:44

My mum also didn’t agree with. I don’t think I’m being unreasonable or ridiculous in not wanting to leave my tiny baby on the bed with a child I don’t know when I wouldn’t even do that with my own daughter. Maybe I’m being overprotective but as her mother it’s my job to protect her. If she had been put in her crib or Moses basket it would be a different matter. My baby was not asleep she was starting to cry and no dad doesn’t do loads with baby as we don’t live together.

I think you got to go with your gut. While on paper it might not be a bad decision there might be other factors that don’t translate over on a forum. And honestly she could be the greatest most responsible kid in the world and shit still happens. Even if she did everything right in one of those situations could you live with it? Could your boyfriend? Sometimes it just comes down to your comfort level. You are uncomfortable with it. That should be enough. Your boyfriend should respect that.