He left our 6 week old baby on the bed with 10 year old daughter

[Vi14]

Hi I might just be being overprotective.
My boyfriend and I have a 6 weeks old baby and live separately. He came to stay at mine with his 10 year old daughter.
I was downstairs and he came down without the baby and said he had left her upstairs with his daughter. I went upstairs he had left the baby on the bed next to his daughter. I brought her downstairs as I didn’t agree with this. Am I being unreasonable to think that the baby shouldn’t be left alone with his daughter? I also have an 8 year old daughter and wouldn’t do this with her either.

I’m more concerned as to why you had a baby with someone you don’t live with, must be confusing for the other children surely?

If you dont know much about his daughter as you said, I can understand why you werent happy with your baby being left with her.
A 10year old should be fine but if you dont know her then YANBU.

But why did he feel he needed to leave the baby with his dd?

If he was popping down to grab a bottle, that’s one thing. If he was leaving her with her sister because he wanted a break that’s irresponsible

Why did he come downstairs if the baby was crying?

She crying when he came down and he came down to speak to my mum about a business she wants to start. Baby also has bad colic and he doesn’t realise how bad it can be.

YABU about the ten year old, but you would not be unreasonable to expect a grown adult to watch his own child instead of leaving the job to a 10 year old. You should be annoyed with him for walking out of the room and leaving his baby, not for leaving the baby with an older child. It sounds like you made the right choice to separate.

I wouldn’t leave a young baby with a 10 year old I didn’t know that well. I wouldn’t leave my toddler alone upstairs with two boys around that age, which their mother took offence at, but if he had been hurt (unintentionally, I don’t think they would have intentionally hurt him) it would have been my fault, not theirs.

If you don’t think you were being unreasonable, I’m not sure why you posted? A 6w baby can’t roll off the bed, so they wouldn’t be safer in a cot or basket. Even if everyone on here thinks you were overreacting, will that change your opinion?

'With a child I don't know'. He didn't leave his baby with a child he didn't know. He left his baby with his 10 year old daughter. I have a 9 year old and a 10 year old and would leave either of them in a room with a baby for a few minutes or even longer. He didn't leave the house.

I don't think you should start treating his daughter as 'a child I don't know' and trying to edge her out. She's been his daughter for 10 years. It won't go well.

Peekaboo OP just says they don’t live together, not that they have separated.

I think you are overreacting.

Baby should be fine with 10 year old big sister.

And 8 year old.

Why on earth did you have a baby with a man who has other children you don't know?! A man you don't live with!? That seems like an incredibly irresponsible way to bring a child into the world.

He left your joint baby with his daughter, the baby's big sister no less.

He didn't leave his baby with someone HE didn't know.

Your average ten year old should be perfectly safe to leave with a small baby for a little while. I know I used to watch over my baby sister when she was first born - I'd have been around the same age, slightly younger.

Babies that age don't roll or move so even easier to leave a little while with an older child than in a few months time.

@MolliciousIntent thank you for a inappropriate comment. We were together for a year and he didn’t see her for a year due to her mum. Hence why I don’t know her. Also I lived with a man for 11 years who abused which is the reason I won’t ever live with another man. You have to do what’s best and this is what’s best for me and my children. Stop judging.

I don’t think I’m being unreasonable or ridiculous in not wanting to leave my tiny baby on the bed with a child I don’t know

Why did you ask AIBU then?
And why did you have a baby with a man who doesn't see his other children?

So he left his crying 6 week old baby, with his 10 year old daughter so he can talk to his mum on the phone.

Not on. If the baby was sleeping and settled, no problem but not distressed and crying

I wouldn’t leave the baby with my own daughter as she forgets things and throws herself around and as I don’t know his daughter I cannot justify leave them alone together. It is not because it’s his daughter it’s because she’s a child herself.

My baby once rolled off the bed when I was stood right next to it! I don't think he should do this though for her protection as if something happened I guess you would have a go at her.

Sorry, not his mum on the phone, your mum downstairs.

So there were 3 adults in the house and a 10 year old was left with a crying baby

I'm sorry, if you never intend on living with him why on earth did you have a baby with him? That's so unfair to your child.

Tbh, I’d be more concerned about giving my baby a father who she doesn’t live with and has had a peripatetic relationship with an existing child than leaving her on the bed with a ten year old half sister.

You might be being a bit unreasonable, as it should be ok for a 10 year old to watch over a baby for a few minutes, BUT you have a 6 week old baby, that was born early, you are very naturally very protective of your baby so its not unreasonable for you to be unreasonable, if you get what I mean.

I think you’re overreacting OP. He is the baby’s father and he DOES know his older daughter. If you don’t think he can be trusted to make that decision then you shouldn’t have had a child with him.

You’ve asked if you are being unreasonable and overprotective, overwhelmingly people say yes and then you start arguing why we’re wrong and you’re right!

when I had a 4 year old, a 2 year old and a newborn I definitely left them all alone in the room together at times. Not for hours, obviously, but a quick nip? Yup.

I wouldn’t have even blinked about a 10 year old, or an 8 year old, being left along lying still next to a newborn.