Wedding Abroad - No Children Allowed

[mrsthomasx]

Some of our very close friends are getting married abroad next September and have just told us that they do not want any children there.

I’m pregnant and baby will be around 9 months old when they tie the knot and honestly I don’t know what to do.

I’m not even a parent yet and I can’t imagine leaving our little baby/child at home for 3 nights at this young age. They are some of our best friends and I also really don’t want to miss their big day.

I can’t help but feel its a little unfair as the reason why kids aren’t allowed is because they don’t have kids and I completely understand but they’re already asking a lot for us to travel abroad and now leave our little baby at home.

I have torn with the idea of perhaps taking a family member out with us to look after them on the wedding day but that makes me feel guilty on them, then I was thinking that we would all go but only myself or my husband would actually attend the wedding but then that makes me feel sad. Alternatively we both don’t go and I just have to say that I’m not prepared to leave my baby at home in another country but I don’t want to cause any drama!!

Basically I don’t know what to do! Help Mamas xx

I wouldn't go

They have a right not to want kids at their wedding. You have a right not to want to leave your baby. I wouldn't either.
I think expecting people to go abroad and leave their kids is a bit much and some people won't want to do that. They will have to accept this.
Just explain how you feel and arrange to celebrate when they get back.

You say

We'd love to be there, but it'll just be impossible to leave our 9 month old in the UK while we travel abroad.

Have an absolutely wonderful day and we'll celebrate with you when you get home.

Would a grandparent come with you for a holiday and look after the baby while you attend the wedding? As a grandparent myself I would be happy doing that .

up to them if they want child free but they need to accept that plenty of parents wouldn’t want to travel abroad without their children and equally it is unfair to expect them to pay for an extra person to go and babysit. I wouldn’t leave my 3yo to go abroad let alone a baby but that’s just me. Only you will know nearer there time whether you could do it but I suspect the majority of parents wouldn’t do it

You may feel totally fine with a short break when your baby is that age. Many do and that's absolutely fine. Speak to the B&G and just say that you are not able to give an answer yet and ask if would they be okay with you giving a response closer to the date.

I had a similar situation when my DD was a baby. Grandparents were happy to come with us for a holiday and look after her for the day. Looking back though I wish we didn't go, I found the whole experience stressful and it put us under a lot of financial pressure during mat leave.

I was at a UK wedding with no babies/children. Several families had paid for a room for grandma so babies were nearby. The rooms cost £250 so this was EXPENSIVE baby sitting.

Op if you can afford it, take someone. Other than that I would say tell them you'll celebrate at home with them.
You might well still be breastfeeding at 9 months and it could be so complicated and stressful.

It’s a no from me- faffing with childcare and separation issues, the expense on mat
leave. Just no- enjoy your day but I’m not bending over backwards to celebrate

I wouldn't go either. If they have children at some point they'll come to understand what a rare parent it is who will leave a 9 month old baby for 3 days and nights.

Your friends should be fine with you saying you cannot make it, as it was their choice to make it adults only and it is an extremely common dilemma for people with kids to face. Hardly going to be a surprise for the bride and groom and if it is, your friends are a little bit thick!

I wouldn't have been able to do it but you might feel happy to do so - but I doubt you'll know until very close to the time. Do not commit to anything yet as you won't know how you'll feel!

At 9 months, abroad? Just say sorry, they must know that can't work with a young baby and you hope they have a lovely time.

As you can't know how you will feel, it seems most sensible to tell them you won't be able to go. That way you don't have to pull out closer to the time and mess with their planning or expectations. Once the baby is here I think you will find this a much easier decision to make. For an overseas/no child wedding would they think about having a live stream so you could watch from home?

This

Sorry but it’s not unfair at all. You’ve chosen to have a child, which does sometimes come with life restrictions. They probably know you may not be able to come but the invite is still there. If they’d not invited you because you were having a baby you’d still have been pissed off I bet so seems they can’t win! Either go, or don’t. It’s completely fine that they want a child-free wedding, small children get absolutely no pleasure from attending weddings! I have 5 weddings next year, my son who is 1, will only be attending one as it’s my brothers! I wouldn’t wanna drag him somewhere he won’t enjoy himself!

If it was somewhere we could make a holiday of it at a reasonable price, I would invite my parents. They would willingly babysit on the day. Otherwise I would decline.

I wouldn't go. That's the downside of insisting on no children - some of your good friends may not want to come because they naturally prioritise their child over the bride and groom.

^ This.

Don't even think about going. It will be totally unenjoyable for you whether you leave your baby at home, or bring the baby plus a babysitter. Just don't do it. Your friends will realise in time, when they have their own children, how you could not possibly have come.

You do know what to do: politely decline the invitation, send a card and gift when the wedding happens.

Don't tie yourself in knots trying to attend this wedding. No, you won't want to leave the baby. There will not be childcare that works for such a young child. Taking a relative is nuts.

All other options are a pale imitation of what you really want to do: get dressed up and go celebrate with your lovely dp and your buddies till the wee hours and not be woken up at 5am by a baby. Ain't nothing like that going to happen.

You can absolutely travel with a 9 month old baby. You won't want to for a wedding, with inflexible demands and the very likely result that one or both of you don't actually attend.

Just accept that you have to sit this one out. Make fun plans for your little family that week.

And plan a great night out with your friends when they are in the UK and you can get childcare.

An abroad wedding is asking for a lot as it is, leaving children behind is even more.

Personally I wouldn't go tbh unless someone can go out with you and watch the baby for you

No actual friend is going to be upset if you can’t make it. We were in the same position, couldn’t leave the 9m as we had no babysitter, so we didn’t go and the couple were fine about it. It’s absolutely fine not to have children at a wedding (it would actually be my preference, but I prefer an evening wedding anyway), but it’s to be expected that some won’t make it.

I went abroad for my own sisters wedding when my daughter was 1 and my husband stayed home with baby. A bit crap he couldn’t come too but actually worked out great cus I got to completely let loose and have a great day / night and knowing I had zero responsibility the next day (getting up at 7am/parenting all day!

but equally if you don’t want to go then just don’t do it

Makes it bloody expensive though, the air fare plus another rooms accommodation would be almost doubling price

We'd love to be there, but it'll just be impossible to leave our 9 month old in the UK while we travel abroad

Perfect wording