Wedding Abroad - No Children Allowed

[mrsthomasx]

Some of our very close friends are getting married abroad next September and have just told us that they do not want any children there.

I’m pregnant and baby will be around 9 months old when they tie the knot and honestly I don’t know what to do.

I’m not even a parent yet and I can’t imagine leaving our little baby/child at home for 3 nights at this young age. They are some of our best friends and I also really don’t want to miss their big day.

I can’t help but feel its a little unfair as the reason why kids aren’t allowed is because they don’t have kids and I completely understand but they’re already asking a lot for us to travel abroad and now leave our little baby at home.

I have torn with the idea of perhaps taking a family member out with us to look after them on the wedding day but that makes me feel guilty on them, then I was thinking that we would all go but only myself or my husband would actually attend the wedding but then that makes me feel sad. Alternatively we both don’t go and I just have to say that I’m not prepared to leave my baby at home in another country but I don’t want to cause any drama!!

Basically I don’t know what to do! Help Mamas xx

Well it’s not unfair, they’re entitled to have whatever wedding they want. Just as you are entitled to decline the invite. So options are, you go and leave baby at home, you stay home and DH goes, you both don’t go or you both go and take a grandparent to babysit.

Only you know what option you’ll be comfortable with and what your finances will allow.

I wouldn't have been able to leave my 9 month old to go abroad. My choice would have been not to go, or to take someone with me for childcare. That all depends on how much you can afford, though.

It's a huge ask to expect you to travel abroad for a wedding.

We had a child-free wedding and accepted, when we made the decision, that some people wouldn’t be able to come as a result. They won’t be shocked if you don’t go and the expense of flying a babysitter out sounds huge.

Don't go. Stay at home with your baby. Think no more about it.

Either back out now or explain you can't possibly commit until a month or so before the date. You have no idea how you're going to feel.
Personally I would decline and tell them it's because they don't want the baby there (and they're usually pretty cute by 9 months)

If people chose to have a destination wedding they cannot be upset if some guests, even close family or friends, can't or won't go.

If people chose to have a child free wedding they cannot be upset if some guests, even close family or friends, can't or won't go.

If people chose a child free destination wedding they they have to expect that it will rule out several family and friends, so again - definitely can't get upset or offended when people decline.

I'd simply not go. I'd send my apologies and say no, that simple.

Not necessarily. Every adult and every baby are different. Some will be fine and some won't.
Not everyone has the spare finances or spare holiday days from work to do it either.

I would not have wanted or needed to spend 3 nights and a ton of money flying abroad for a friends wedding when Dd was small. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Just say sorry I can’t come. If folk want destination pain in the arse weddings or to make child free rules then they know there will be a large portion of folk who can’t or won’t come

I would just say you can't do childfree so you're RSVP-ing no. I wouldn't have given this a second thought, people who have destination weddings expect some declined invitations.

honestly I don’t know what to do.

If your friend really wanted to ensure your presence, you would be welcome with your children. She is choosing to prioritise other things.

I honestly don't see how there can be any real question.

You are at different stages in your lives. Your children are excluded from an event so you won't be there. It's just one of those things when you are amongst the first in your circle to have DC

Find a way to celebrate together when they come back.

honestly I don’t know what to do

Accept the invite, make appropriate chidcare arrangements and go.

Decline the invite and don't go.

Pick one.

There's no way I would have left my child to go abroad at 9 months old. I wouldn't have wanted to, I wouldn't have felt able to and it would have been totally unenjoyable even if I had somehow managed to do it. It's entirely reasonable to not want to, or not feel able to, and it's also entirely reasonable to not know whether it will feel possible at the time - you haven't even had the baby yet, so how can you possibly know and make a firm commitment to attend?

I hope that any reasonable person would understand why someone with a young baby might decline to attend a wedding abroad, but I also know that people who haven't got children can be very clueless about the realities and the difficulties.

I do think if you choose to have a wedding in another country you need to accept that not everyone you might want to have at your wedding day will be able to be there. Babies or not, you are going to be ruling some people out anyway by holding it abroad. So one would hope they would have a reasonable and realistic response if you decide to decline the invitation. But I've also read enough threads on here to know that's not always the case...

If you want to try and go for it and you have plenty of support of course that would be another thing. But, based on my experiences of early motherhood and observing that of friends and family I'd say free yourself of the additional burden of stress and difficulty you'll be adding if you try and go and just explain your reasons and decline warmly and suggest a celebratory meetup afterwards when they are back in the UK.

Given that you'll need to book tickets and make arrangements for this before you'll realistically know whether you'll be happy to leave baby, I'd go with saying no and giving them the chance to invite someone else.

I agree with this even though most I imagine don't. It is totally up to the B&G but many of my friends and my OH, all from different cultures find it really odd that this is the norm in the UK. I have so many happy memories of attending weddings as a child.
I attended 2 weddings last year, 1 children were invited. All the kids had so much fun. 2nd child free, primarily as the G doesn't like kids so I guess fair enough!

Hey OP I messaged you privately as I am in the same boat ( I suspect we might even be going to the same wedding …) 🤣