Wedding Abroad - No Children Allowed

[mrsthomasx]

Some of our very close friends are getting married abroad next September and have just told us that they do not want any children there.

I’m pregnant and baby will be around 9 months old when they tie the knot and honestly I don’t know what to do.

I’m not even a parent yet and I can’t imagine leaving our little baby/child at home for 3 nights at this young age. They are some of our best friends and I also really don’t want to miss their big day.

I can’t help but feel its a little unfair as the reason why kids aren’t allowed is because they don’t have kids and I completely understand but they’re already asking a lot for us to travel abroad and now leave our little baby at home.

I have torn with the idea of perhaps taking a family member out with us to look after them on the wedding day but that makes me feel guilty on them, then I was thinking that we would all go but only myself or my husband would actually attend the wedding but then that makes me feel sad. Alternatively we both don’t go and I just have to say that I’m not prepared to leave my baby at home in another country but I don’t want to cause any drama!!

Basically I don’t know what to do! Help Mamas xx

Just say you won't be able to attend.
If they choose a destination wedding they accept some people won't come.
If they choose a childfree wedding they accept some people won't come.

They have chosen both. Their priorities are on location / ambiance, not guests.

So they would spend money traveling to come to your wedding and then have to pay extra for the grandparent as well just because a friend is getting married?

nah when you choose to get married abroad you make that decision expecting some people wouldn’t make it, and when you make that wedding child free you increase the expectation that more people will not make it, simple.

You decline the invitation.

A child free wedding abroad isn't suitable when you have young children.

But at 9months the baby would be perfectly fine being left with close family, or traveling and having family travel with you.

Or maybe you go? Your DH stays?

At 9 months you'll be ready for a small window of time to yourself.

I would commit now and say thank you but no. We will celebrate when you return. Leaving the situation until later puts more pressure on the OP especially when she should be disused on her baby etc.

And that small window should be spent traveling abroad for someone’s wedding at significant cost and being away from her young baby?

I wouldn't go. Save a small fortune too. They have chosen to have this kind of wedding so they need to accept lots of people either won't want to leave their DC or spend so much on attending a wedding.

@Cantstandbullshit I really don't see why not? Another poster said she had a blast going to a friends wedding when her DH stayed home.

I travelled when my children were small my DH stayed home with them, they have two parents, so I genuinely don't see the issue.

She's having a baby, not going to prison!! parents are still allowed to travel, go out and enjoy life?

Or is she expected to have a baby glued to her side?

It’s impossible to know how you’ll feel until closer to the time. It’ll depend on so many things, if you’re breastfeeding, how well baby knows babysitter, if they take bottles well from others, if they’ve hit separation anxiety, how well they sleep.

I think the sensible thing is to decline rather than keep the B&G hanging on for your answer. If they’re having a wedding abroad then they’re prepared for people to not be able to come.

I'd go with this. You don't know how you'll feel. I went on a weekend break when my little one was about this age. Sure they won't mind if you decide not to.

Our son recently got married abroad, the wedding venue had lots of self catering accommodation and an agency for on site babysitters.
Get further information before you panic too much, I’m sure there will be a way round it.

If it were me and I could afford it, I would bring someone to mind them closeby on the wedding day. At nine months, my DC were still breastfed so leaving them for three days wasn’t an option. But I also wouldn’t have wanted to miss a very good friend’s wedding. And my DC had already travelled a lot by nine months, so I wouldn’t be concerned about planes/sleeping in a different place etc.

Taking a babysitter seems like a decent compromise, so long as you can afford it and you really want to go.

Some people get married abroad to keep the guest list short. They can invite awa y knowing that not many people will be able to attend. I would politely decline, and they’ll probably be relieved.

It may be hard for a childless couple, understandably caught up in the excitement of planning their wedding, to understand just how much having a child changes things.
Yes, we all know of people taking very young babies abroad, or occasions when couples decide that only one of them can attend an event, etc.
For most of us having a baby means that what we previously regarded as normal life is at least put on hold.
Social events which might have seemed very important often take a bit of a back seat, and friends need to understand that you might not always be available.
I was back at work by the time my first child was 9 months, but I know that I wouldn’t have wanted to leave him with anyone whilst I travelled abroad. I wouldn’t have much fancied taking him abroad then either. A trip to the supermarket often needed to be planned like a military operation.
Say no, wish the couple every happiness, and invite them to a celebratory meal out or event at an earlier or later date.
I am sure that people arranging weddings abroad are well aware that not everyone will be able to attend. It’s their choice.

By booking a destination wedding they will have to accept some people won’t be able to attend

by making it child free even more people wont

they have chosen that as it’s what they want so they will completely understand refusals and if they don’t they are ridiculous.

The main issue seems to be that you don’t want to miss out on the event but welcome to parenthood I guess- I have missed out on lots of things over the years as they weren’t suitable for kids/kids got sick/kids are expensive and so less cash to do the fun stuff etc.

Just decline and say obviously with a 9month old that isn’t going to work for us so have a great time and hopefully we can plan a get together to see the photos when you get back.

Don’t go.

I can’t for the life of me understand the issue with children at weddings. I know everyone is entitled to do as they please, but children bring life to these events. Yes, they may cry but most parents leave the room if their dc are upset.

A close friend of mine (now ex friend) said i couldn’t bring my 3 week old baby to her wedding. My dh sat in the car with him and i had to pop out to feed him. In my view weddings are about love and families-children and as well.

Personally I wouldn’t go. I couldn’t imagine leaving my baby to travel abroad for 3 days. Some would, but sounds horribly stressful to me.

If you are wealthy enough to afford to bring a babysitter without worrying about the money then do that, but otherwise sit it out.

I can’t really understand why people have child free weddings. Yes children can be a bit noisy but if excluding them means people that are important to you can’t come, then it’s not worth it IMO.

I got married abroad and thought the children were lovely and made the experience more enjoyable, as it was a family holiday for everyone.

One of my nieces was tiny at the time though (2-3 months) and was a difficult baby, so unfortunately my SIL spent a lot of the trip in the hotel room. But we couldn’t predict that when we booked it, and she wanted to come so it just worked out like that. Was still lovely having them there though.

They've made it impossible for you to go.

Don't go

Save you money and time as well

I always use the very simple thought ..
their wedding their choice
your child your choice.
make the decision that is best for you. Always works for me.

It’s impossible to know how you’ll feel until closer to the time. It’ll depend on so many things, if you’re breastfeeding, how well baby knows babysitter, if they take bottles well from others, if they’ve hit separation anxiety, how well they sleep.

I agree with this.

I think posters who say just go, and leave the baby with grandparents/partner must have babies who happily take a bottle, sleep through the night and are used to other people. Everyone's circumstances are different. I know I wouldn't have wanted to leave DD for three nights when she was that age.

I'm also of the opinion that couples who want destination weddings are a little arrogant to assume that everyone they invite and want to be there can actually attend (affordability, childcare, annual leave are all considerations).

Just decline, it's an invite not a summons. If you can't go, you can't go.

Choosing a destination wedding abroad already excludes a large number of people from attending. Making it even more difficult for people to attend will just cut things down further. Their choice, of course, as it's their wedding. People who want their closest friends at their wedding do everything they can to make it easy to attend. This couple are doing the opposite so clearly have different priorities.

I wouldn't go.

Just politely decline the invitation op. Parenthood changes your who life and priorities massively. This is just the start of dynamics between you and how you see the rest of the world changing. You don't have to justify why you don't want to go.

It says in the op that she doesn't want to cause any drama. So your scenario where the couple are giving an invite on the off chance they can make it is just a massive assumption. When you choose to have your wedding abroad and say no children you are restricting some people from your guest list and you should really accept that.