Is a son really only a son until he finds a wife?

[Murphy91]

Hey all, yesterday I had my 20 week scan, everything is perfect with baby so far, and we found out we're having a beautiful baby boy (our first child)

Finding the sex out has really made this real for us both and we're already so excited. Today however, someone recited a quote to me. " a son is a son till he finds a wife. A daughter is a daughter for life" . So I thought I'd ask if any other boy mamas out there find this quote as depressing as I have! I'm now really worried that my son won't have a strong bond with me and will forget all about me once he finds his own family. I know im probably just being hormonal and over thinking. But im starting to wonder if I would have had a stronger bond with a daughter.

So I thought I'd ask all you boy mamas to share your stories and mother/son bonds with me. 💙

I think boys are really affectionate and close to their mums
I only have boys and wouldn’t have it any other way

Boys and mums can have a lovely relationship. It can certainly become soured if a mum attempts to enter into a weird completion with a wife. But a mum and a wife are not meant to be in completion as they have different places in a mans life, so as long as the mum doesn't see a wife as taking her son away then the son won't distance himself from his mum!

I’m really close to my DS and I love his wife so I guess I’m very lucky. I’ve never seen my DIL as anything other than a very welcome member of our family certainly not as someone taking my DS from me!

You can only hope that he does indeed find happiness with a life partner eventually! Whether you remain close or distant once he is an adult is anyones guess, but boy or girl has no bearing on this.

Personally, treat the future wife well and she will go to the end of the earth for you.

Act like a dick, even just little passive aggressive things, and yes, she will probably stay away, meaning he will, too.

My MIL hasn't done anything to warrant NC but the things she has done have made me not want to go out of my way to see them. I wish I had one of those lovely relationships with my ILs but from the start, there have been too many little thing, unfortunately, so we don't see them as much as we could if I didn't get anxiety at the thought of seeing them.

And I have a son. I also now have a list of what not to do if I want to remain close with him.

I'm astonished how many people still take this saying to heart - it seems to come up her quite often. I don't think it's anything to do with emotional bonds and more that outmoded idea that the man leaves and becomes 'head' of his own household and doesn't need mum so much as his wife is supposed to do everything for him. And also old infantalising ideas about women.

Yes, I do expect my kids to disengage as they move out and find partners - but it's not a gendered thing, it's a normal process of becoming an adult.

In my H's case, yeah.

I am a mum to two now adult sons, based on my experience, I would say boys are very affectionate & loyal to their mums. Congrats OP.

Yeah, I think that's nonsense. I say this as someone who has 3 brothers, we're genuinely all equally as close to my mum, and that's because she's amazing.

Nothing to do with our sex.

He might be gay…

Well my DH is still his mum’s son. And obviously he has a wife! We’re really close to her and she’s also close to our children. DH puts the effort in, spending time with her, gifts, special occasions etc.

On the flip side I have two boys and it’s great. They’re very loving, affectionate etc and we do loads together. I enjoy my eldest more and more everyday, he’s at an amazing age now (preteen) where we can read books together that are interesting to me, and I can experience them afresh through his eyes, we build Lego sets together etc. I love my two girls but boys are an absolute gift too.

I think the problem is that some men are just rubbish. They leave all the organising down to their wife and if she doesn’t immediately take on the task of doing everything to do with his family (birthdays, gifts, socialising) it gets put down to ‘oh a sons a son until he finds a wife’ when in fact he’s just a rubbish son!

It's bollocks. Boys are brilliant! Congratulations!

He hasn't even been born yet.

I don’t know what sort of dick would share that saying with you when you’ve just told them you’re having a boy though! What nonsense.

No it's b0llocks! My DH is extremely close to his mum. Calls and visits her often. My brothers (both married) are still very close to my parents. They see them more than I do. My son is a real mummy's boy - adores me!

Odd saying. Surely you know plenty of married men? Are they no longer sons to their mothers. My husband, all of his brothers and most other married men I know are very close with their parents.

It depends on the relationship the sons wife has with her own mother. That will determine the future relationship.

2 sons here, one has a lovely wife, we get on really well and as a result the relationship with DS is close. Not in each other pockets, once a week call, visits fairly regularly. Her relationship with her mother is volatile though and she likes the calm of our home.

Other DS has a ex. She and her mother are joined at the hip. She doesn't view her children's father as family let alone us, in the same way her DM viewed her daughters father. DS is more vulnerable as ASD and poor MH. I give him support, contact varies between daily to weekly depending on his health. If they were still together she would call the shots.

I have a DD. We are close but mother and daughter not 'bestie' . We speak every few days and visit a few times a year. Her partner knows I won't/ don't interfere. He also likes me.

I feel like I've lost my son already, to gaming, he is 16 he is always screaming "kill kill"
He never talks to me.

Wish id had two girls.
But he was lovely til he was about ten. He's got progressively less communicative since then.

Bizarrely I was bought up being told the opposite "a son's a son all his life. A daughter's a daughter 'til she becomes a wife"
Presumably because it was expected that I would get married and change my name, whereas my brothers would "continue the family name"

Either way it's a load of bollocks. I'm so incredibly close to my sons (18 and 15)
Their future in laws would have to be bloody amazing to break that bond!

It is such a bullshit expression and makes me angry!

My MIL has 4 sons who all absolutely adore her.

My 4 year old son is sweet, gentle and wonderful. We have a lovely, close relationship.

I am female and have been no contact with my mother for a decade due to upsetting personal reasons and will never have anything to do with her ever again.

Sex doesn't determine relationships. It's down to personality, love and bonding.

I think there is some truth in the saying, but that's not to say it will happen to you. Most of the men I know who are married do tend to spend more time with the wife's family,
That's not to say they don't spend time with their own family but I do notice a trend with the wife's family being more involved or present.

What @Echobelly said

That was true in the past in a literal not symbolic sense - a woman would leave her family home upon marriage to live in her husband's family home and may never see her family again after her wedding day.

I find it weird that people are assuming the sexuality of a baby that hasn't been born yet