Is a son really only a son until he finds a wife?

[Murphy91]

Hey all, yesterday I had my 20 week scan, everything is perfect with baby so far, and we found out we're having a beautiful baby boy (our first child)

Finding the sex out has really made this real for us both and we're already so excited. Today however, someone recited a quote to me. " a son is a son till he finds a wife. A daughter is a daughter for life" . So I thought I'd ask if any other boy mamas out there find this quote as depressing as I have! I'm now really worried that my son won't have a strong bond with me and will forget all about me once he finds his own family. I know im probably just being hormonal and over thinking. But im starting to wonder if I would have had a stronger bond with a daughter.

So I thought I'd ask all you boy mamas to share your stories and mother/son bonds with me. 💙

My mother and brother are a lot closer. But that’s on her as I am the scapegoat and males are infinitesimally superior apparently. So no, it doesn’t always follow.

My boy is only 4 but an absolute mummies boy. We are very close, he's my little shadow. I have a grown up brother too who has a long term serious relationship and he is very close to my mum (as is his girlfriend) he still rings her most days and sees her at least once a week.

It's funny, three or four straight men I know well say they love their mums hugely but they never bother to initiate contact with them, rarely remember birthdays or make time to visit them if theyre not in the same town. My partner leaves any gift buying to his sister and just puts his name to it. My Dad is notorious for never sending gifts or cards despite professing love a lot. Utterly rubbish.
But bring them up to be responsible and empathetic and that shouldnt happen, right?

2 sons ,one is a son all his life .one was the best till he found a wife (I blame the wife )

I feel heartbroken , she needed a mum and I stepped up ,she lived with me from the age of 16 and I loved her like a daughter ,she was really like my third child .Holidays ,Xmas ,birthdays ,I had 3 children in my heart ❤️
She then became close to her family again and was embarrassed that I knew her history so was cut off and have lost my son .(he is to blame also as he should have found a way to have me in his life 😢

In my case and that of my sisters it is true that we gravitate much more towards our own families. BUT our families are far more supportive/attentive than the ILs.

We all get on fine and I'd never ever interfere in DH's relationship with his mum, but she doesn't offer our family anything like what my mum does, and I know DH would completely agree. That said I know people who are closer to the DH parents for the exact same reasons (but it seems to occur less often). I think if you're a good kind MIL you'll have no issues.

I have all girls and my sister has all boys and oh man she gets so many more cuddles than I do!!

2 grown up “boys” and 1 small one and a teenage daughter . We get on brill the older ones come in from work I say “alright cunt” (it’s from a show the boys) I don’t think any girlfriends get that.lol we are all thick as thieves. Although one of the older lads! and the GIRL! have formed an alliance, and I think they are plotting. I’m glad I’ve got a equal friendship with all of them no differences between the sexes. I never felt myself treated different when my son had a long term relationship either still did the same banter.

I do think there is some truth to this although not sure why someone would say this to you after telling them you are having a boy!

I think it comes down to 2 things :

1. Parents relationship with their son.
2. Parents relationship with their daughter in law.

My sister has 5 boys. Everyone of them is close to their mum.
There is always one of them in her house visiting.
She also close to their partners.

Don't worry, the way things are going he'll probably be living with you forever.

Anyone who says that silly phrase is probably pissed off as their son doesn't want much to do with them... and that is probably to do with them. My h doesn't have a relationship with his mother. She is horrible and a narcissist. Only tonight, threatening to various things. She treated him badly growing up. You reap what you do. Treat your son well and love him and when he finds a wife respect that relationship. Dote on your DIL and things will be fine

My first ex-husband had a very close (healthy) relationship with his mother, but so did I. She took me on like another child and made the best nut roasts ever (I was vegetarian then). As long as you're good to his girlfriends, you'll make more family, not lose.

I have 3 grown up sons...23/26/29. I feel loved and cared for by them all. Its great! They dont contact me for every small thing, we have quality chats not quantity...so I might not speak to them for a couple of wks or so...but when we chat its warm, loving, interesting and fun. Good enough for me!

Yes, if you have done your job well your relationship should change as he reaches adulthood. And yes it will be sad as you will one day lose the child he was. So enjoy every minute of his childhood - and then reframe and enjoy him as an adult too!

It would be exactly the same for a daughter.

I think that happens when mums and wives compete. I'd never dream of telling my DH he had to spend time with me over his DM, but I do unfortunately know if a few! If all parties are respectful of one another's relationships, then sons and mothers can maintain an incredible bond!

Wow, so many responses. Thank you!

I'm over the moon to be having a son. I just thought it was an odd thing to say to someone who had just announced they were having a boy (admittedly it was said by an older lady in her 70s) I know I'm jumping the gun a bit when he hasn't even arrived yet. I think maybe the fact that I come from a family full of women makes me feel like I'm in unknown territory 😂

Also just to clarify, I wouldn't care in the slightest if my son decides to take a male life partner rather than a female. 💙

Thank you all for replying. I can't wait to see what the future brings for me and the little man!

I have one of each and both are fabulous.

I think there's a lot of truth in that saying, and to some extent I think it's how it should be. Once a son has a wife then she is his number one.

As other have said it largely depends on the woman he chooses. You only have to read mn a little to see a lot of hatred towards MILs, who never do right from wrong.

That's not very nice. You wish you'd had 2 girls rather than the child you had. If you were my mum I'm not sure I'd want to talk to you either.

To be honest with the cost of living he’ll probably end up living with you until he’s 45 by which time you’ll probably be only too delighted to have some space 😆

In all seriousness though, I’m expecting my 4th boy and get a lot of comments of a similar nature. I think we have to accept that we just don’t know how these little people we are raising will turn out whether they are boys or girls. Some may be good at communicating, some may not be. We can’t force them to treat us in any particular way. My goal is to live a busy life that doesn’t rely to heavily on my children emotionally because I don’t think it’s really fair on them.

People say all sorts of shit don't they. Boys are easier. Boys are noisier. Boys need more exercise. Girls are bitchy. Girls are sassy. Girls are stubborn. Girls are quieter. Girls are happy indoors doing crafts but boys need to be outside.

Societal expectations are fucking shit.

Anyway. If anecdotes are useful dh spends an hour on the phone to his mum every Sunday afternoon. My teen daughter never grew out of the dinosaur phase and my preteen son wants craft supplies for Christmas.

When I had my second boy one of the playground assistants said "never mind" in what I think was supposed to be a consoling manner when she found out he was boy. It was a good job I was so taken aback that she had the chance to move away before I realised the only appropriate reaction would have been to punch her.

No, your son will always be your son. He'll want to see you less if you act like a twat though 😉

It doesn’t have to be but it has in my family. My mum has 3 brothers and she does 100% of the care for my elderly gran while they ‘live their lives’. I hate it. She is suffering and I hate to see it.

My boy is 3 months old and definitely adores me more than his Daddy

It depends on the man (because at that point were not talking about those who are young boys at present) and especially on his partner.

It pains me to say it. But my experience is that the wife/female partner does tend to prioritise their own parents, and their husbands go along with it.

My husband was very close to his parents and I loved them too, so I'm glad to say that it didn't apply to us, and I have adult daughters who make every attempt to treat their in-laws well, which I'm glad about. But some of my friends seem to struggle to see their sons and grandchildren unless they commit to regular childcare for the latter, and constantly seem to be treading on eggshells.