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Original poster

Is a son really only a son until he finds a wife?

124 replies

Murphy91 · 15/10/2022 19:31

Hey all, yesterday I had my 20 week scan, everything is perfect with baby so far, and we found out we're having a beautiful baby boy (our first child)

Finding the sex out has really made this real for us both and we're already so excited. Today however, someone recited a quote to me. " a son is a son till he finds a wife. A daughter is a daughter for life" . So I thought I'd ask if any other boy mamas out there find this quote as depressing as I have! I'm now really worried that my son won't have a strong bond with me and will forget all about me once he finds his own family. I know im probably just being hormonal and over thinking. But im starting to wonder if I would have had a stronger bond with a daughter.

So I thought I'd ask all you boy mamas to share your stories and mother/son bonds with me. 💙

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Airymanning · 15/10/2022 21:05

Not true.

I probably speak to my mum about once every 6 weeks.

My husband has 4 siblings and they all adore their mother and look after her and she is a huge part of our lives x

Airymanning · 15/10/2022 21:07

Sorry forgot to add he is one of 5 boys

PurBal · 15/10/2022 21:07

I hate this phrase as my mum uses it to exert control over me as though I’m still her property (as her daughter). It’s crap and such a horrible phrase we should look to stomp it out.

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Bbq1 · 15/10/2022 21:07

It's nothing to do with gender and everything to do with personality. My ds and I have always been very close. We get on so well and are still very close even now he's 17. He's always been very affectionate and loving. I don't expect our relationship to lessen if he marries in later life. He will have a partner who he will love yes but he will still be mine and his dad's son and hopefully remain close.

Minster2012 · 15/10/2022 21:08

What a dickish thing to say 🤔I'm a boy mama and he's much closer to his daddy than me so I guess I don't really think about. HOWEVER my DH has an amazing bond with his mum and that saying certainly isn't true there. Just forget it and enjoy your baby 🥰

LimpBiskit · 15/10/2022 21:10

What a totally BS saying!

Mostmarriedcouple · 15/10/2022 21:14

I think there’s no need to worry about being close but once your son has a wife she will be his top priority. I.e if you were both hanging off a cliff, he’d choose to save her! And rightly so! 😊

FurnitureDisease · 15/10/2022 21:18

Ridiculous, what an odd thing to say!

Im female and “daddy’s girl”, as my mother liked to moan about, through and through due to my great respect for him. Strained maternal relationship, so which parent does “daughter for life” refer to?

My DH is very close to his mother and I love her also. We all speak every day on the phone and visit almost every week.

I hope that one day my son finds himself somebody to share his life with and will still include us as his parents, the way MIL is so valued by us.

Goldie2021 · 15/10/2022 21:24

Our obstetrician told us that quote when we found out we were having a boy and it made me so sad.

StClare101 · 15/10/2022 21:33

It’s outdated, sexist crap.

Octoblockisadick · 15/10/2022 21:40

I absolutely adore my son, same as my daughter.
From the other side as well, I'm extremely close to my MIL and see her a lot, even without my husband

AliceMcK · 15/10/2022 21:42

How fucking ridiculous and archaic!

I have absolutely nothing to do with my mother but both my brothers do, one in particular is close to her. They both take care of her financially.

Please do not let stupid people dampen a happy time for you.

Black1985 · 15/10/2022 21:44

MrsJamieDornan · 15/10/2022 21:00

That's not very nice. You wish you'd had 2 girls rather than the child you had. If you were my mum I'm not sure I'd want to talk to you either.

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Couldn’t have said that better myself @MrsJamieDornan

J0y · 15/10/2022 21:49

Wow, judge away. I know that I have done nothing but love and support my son and it is his awful behaviour that has us where we are. The last time I tried to talk to him to say something supportive I was told to shut the fuck up. He yelled that at me.

So judge away ladies.

Echobelly · 15/10/2022 21:53

@J0y - I think it's quite OK not to like your kid when they're going through horrible phases, but I am sure it will turn out to be a phase and you'll get your son back later!

@PurBal - quite agree, it's so outmoded and, as you say, unpleasant.

SummerCarnival · 15/10/2022 21:55

Annabananna1 · 15/10/2022 19:51

In my H's case, yeah.

Me too!
Competitive and narcissistic MIL and DH cut her off. I had nothing to do with it.
She's a raging alcoholic and a compulsive liar. Which only became worse when my DH met his life long partner. (Me)

BrambleyHedge · 15/10/2022 21:58

My MIL said that to me a few years ago (and that she felt much closer to my BIL as a result) and I think it is a horrible sentiment - made me feel so sorry for my husband who is has a good relationship with her.

TheHighlandMoo · 15/10/2022 22:03

My husband adores his mum. He’s very close to both of his parents as am I.
I have a son and daughter. I hope to nurture a relationship that will extend far beyond them living with me and needing me as they do at this young age.
that saying is utter bullshit, silly rhyming nonsense that will ring true for some and not for others.
My son right now thinks I am the best thing in the world. There’s nothing mama can’t fix, or make better. Do I expect it to last forever? No, hes 8, but I’m milking it while Ive got it

CatOfTheLand · 15/10/2022 22:04

I think it depends on the mother and how they treat their son. My MIL told me, repeatedly, when I was pregnant that she didn't consider my baby to be her 'real' grandchild as it was just her son's baby and not her daughter's. That was one of many reasons why they're not close.

I think a lot of MIL who don't have very good relationships with their sons treat them/their partners badly.

My brothers and my sils are all quite close to my parents.

bakeflan · 15/10/2022 22:05

I worried about this when I had my boy.
But then i looked at my mother who has 3 daughters who moved away to be near their in laws and have low contact and contrast with my mil who has 2 sons who moved close to her with their families. I think it's more about the people involved and the trust and relationships they have developed

KangarooKenny · 15/10/2022 22:05

My DS is very independent. We hardly see him.

DappledThings · 15/10/2022 22:07

Absolute bollocks and whoever said it to you is a twat.

SwordToFlamethrower · 15/10/2022 22:12

What a massive crock of shit

yerdaindicatesonbends · 15/10/2022 22:14

I think a saying like that and focusing on it is the exact reason why so many MILs with sons are an absolute nightmare. They already have this preconceived notion of ‘losing their sons’ and act weirdly in accordance with that.

My MIL and I got on great, then as soon as I got pregnant and we planned the wedding she was awful. Two entirely different people. She even sat one day with two of her sons in the room and was talking about how she doesn’t have children anymore. We were all like what? Lol

I don’t have to navigate this because I have a DD, but god it’s all a bit weird.

AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 15/10/2022 22:15

J0y · 15/10/2022 19:58

I feel like I've lost my son already, to gaming, he is 16 he is always screaming "kill kill"
He never talks to me.

Wish id had two girls.
But he was lovely til he was about ten. He's got progressively less communicative since then.

Hang in there! Your DS needs you - he is testing your boundaries. I had a difficult time with DS when he was mid-teens but got him back when he was about 20. I was always bad cop. Now he's grown up and I really enjoy my time with him - he comes over a couple of times a week.