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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
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firefly1418 · 10/10/2022 19:42

Your menu looks lovely op. We also eat a varied diet with lots of flavours and foods from around the world but at times we will have a shop brought pizza if we are in a rush. I really think that you should consider making a formal complaint, my fear is that this lady will pick on someone vulnerable, baring in mind she must come into contact with lots of ladies with PND ect if she had a similar attitude to someone else it could completely crush them. Please don’t take her comments to heart she sounds like a total arse!

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2022 19:42

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 19:39

you’re all so sweet! Thank you! All welcome for tea lol, just gotta do the washing up haha!

she just hurt me for want of a better phrase because they were on me like flies on a turd when dc1 was a baby about her size, and she’s grown and fluctuates between 9/25 but has been around 25 for about 6 months now, this just seems to be her, but being blamed hurt. You just want the best for your kids don’t you.

It’s really tough having a small baby/child. I understand totally. My skinny minny is now a ravenous teen - keep doing what you’re doing and give yourself permission to trust yourself. Flowers

Feelinglikeachange22 · 10/10/2022 19:42

Yes I would complain. She's talking out of her arse. Perhaps she doesn't know what some of them are.

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GreenSunfish · 10/10/2022 19:43

Wish my kids would eat as well as yours. Ignore her or nod and smile!!

110APiccadilly · 10/10/2022 19:44

Your menus sound lovely, your HV sounds a bit nuts. You're having two cooked meals a day anyway as you're cooking breakfast. Three cooked meals a day is insane.

(Your lunches are much posher than mine, mine tend to be variations on sandwiches with salad!)

kateandme · 10/10/2022 19:44

Also the very reason for takeaways is so they can be better as cooked from scratch.but that besides the point here.
don’t be knocked op please don’t.
because even if your menu wasn’t this great you shouldn’t be left feeling bad but supported.there is so much judgment and pressure on young mums

WendyWagon · 10/10/2022 19:44

Your menu is fine OP.
My sister (food director for 5 schools) BIL, late mum were all qualified chefs. I have a nutrition qualification. It looks well balanced to me. I was always advised two cooked meals are not necessary.
Both my DCs (19/23) are normal weight.
We had a large fruit bowl and that was 'help yourself'.

StaunchMomma · 10/10/2022 19:44

HV sounds a bit thick if she thinks those meals are like bloody takeaways!!

Does she think that the entirety of all Asian cuisines are junk food?

Doesn't surprise me in the slightest though, a friend of mine's child had a sever dairy allergy and the HV argued with her that yoghurt would be fine. Doh.

They're bossy yet very often not awfully well informed.

catlovingdoctor · 10/10/2022 19:46

Can you do me a meal plan ? 😍

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 19:48

She inferred some of the lunches were more like snacks like the pizzas (they’re made from tortilla bases) and the muffins and salad.

i think you’re all right, she didn’t really know what the other foods were, decided they were takeaways and then stopped listening or didn’t believe me when I said other wise.

kept that lemon and herb peri chicken, chips and corn on the cobs we have from the knock off nandos down the road here and there when I’m having a cba kinda day or that picky plate of picnic food too

OP posts:
Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 19:48

^to myself

OP posts:
Belle82 · 10/10/2022 19:49

I really don’t like Hv’s. She’s living in the 50’s if she thinks every one has time to make more than that.
i wish my kids ate as healthy as yours do. Stupid HV!!

Mamarama2u2 · 10/10/2022 19:50

It’s well known that you have to have your brain removed before qualifying as a health visitor!

CockSpadget · 10/10/2022 19:50

Im fuming on your behalf! That HV will go to so many homes where the kids are actually being fed a shit diet, yet she has the audacity to find fault with your perfectly sound menu! Definitely complain OP. Your kids are lucky to have such a good variety of tasty and nutritious food, don’t let the sour cow have you doubting yourself any longer!

Thepurpleribbon · 10/10/2022 19:50

Please may I have the recipe for:

tuna sweetcorn pasta salad w/yoghurt dressing
cheesy veggie lentil muffins
egg florentine pizzas
Avocado pin wheels

P.s...you're doing amazing. She really is a huge and very ignorant twat.

stillvicarinatutu · 10/10/2022 19:52

So she's coming back in a few weeks is she ?

You know what I'd be tempted to do - educate this blinkered silly woman .

I'd freeze a tiny bit of a few of the meals - then when she comes round again (if you can stomach that) I'd show her a few tiny portions of the meals like the daal and Moroccan lamb and let her taste it if she is so concerned .

I'd also explain (as if to a
Child since she was so patronising) that world food home cooked is NOT anything like a takeaway.

If she's a cow after that I'd ask to see someone else but she needs a little education.

BagpussBagpussOldFatFurryCatpuss · 10/10/2022 19:53

I bet she thinks you’re at the takeaway every night. She doesn’t sound very bright.
Your menu sounds amazing.

Oblomov22 · 10/10/2022 19:53

Yum. Can I come to dinner. HV sounds like a tool. Please make a complaint about her.

InCheesusWeTrust · 10/10/2022 19:54

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 19:48

She inferred some of the lunches were more like snacks like the pizzas (they’re made from tortilla bases) and the muffins and salad.

i think you’re all right, she didn’t really know what the other foods were, decided they were takeaways and then stopped listening or didn’t believe me when I said other wise.

kept that lemon and herb peri chicken, chips and corn on the cobs we have from the knock off nandos down the road here and there when I’m having a cba kinda day or that picky plate of picnic food too

Hard to decide whether it was plain old ignorance or plain old xenophobia, isn't it

YukoandHiro · 10/10/2022 19:55

Christ, I wish my two would eat any of that!

As others have said, she's a nutter.

If you're really worried make another appt with another HV for a weight check and get a second opinion.

MagnoliaTaint · 10/10/2022 19:55

OP, please complain and escalate this.

I have first hand experience of a HV who deliberately gaslit me for months. Thought I was actually losing it, she really badly affected my confidence - then spoke to another mother and she'd done the same thing. Just small things - said I'd missed appointments when they'd never been made, etc. Did the exact same thing to the other woman.

Some HVs are great. Some are very, very odd.

You're doing a brilliant job. Food sounds great. The HV sounds like she has a very curious agenda. She's supposed to be there to support you, not undermine you.

JubileeTrifle · 10/10/2022 19:56

I’ve found HV need to complain about something. Almost make something up to justify themselves.

ring the office and decline the next visit. You don’t need to see them.

I had an amazing HV when DD was a baby, but she totally broke their stupid rules to help me.

Beseen22 · 10/10/2022 19:56

Raise a formal complaint with the head of the HV team. Do not allow this rude racist lady back into your home or engage with her on the phone. If you want to continue with the hv service then request another HV.

She is not benefiting your life in any way, she is not supporting you she is judging you and she needs to change jobs or retire pronto. Do not let her close minded opinion let you lose any confidence in your parenting. I have small kids that have both followed 9-25th line but I have absolutely no concerns, they eat well and I give them healthy food. I would refuse to allow this lady into my home to insult me.

Crikeyalmighty · 10/10/2022 19:57

When I was a student nurse in the 80s, I had 6 weeks out ' in the community' split between district nurse and HV. I can honestly say they were both really horrible and the older HV in particular seemed to have a real problem with young mums- couldn't put my finger on it- I often wondered if she was jealous- -

Tell your practice you don't want this lady round- I woukdnt!!

Weepachu · 10/10/2022 19:57

Please don’t let that HV knock your confidence. That’s a wonderful menu and very varied.
Let’s be real, the ones from my school who went on to become HVs/MWs were usually the thick ones…so I wouldn’t pay too much heed. She probably hasn’t heard of half of the menu items.

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