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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
PeonyRose80 · 10/10/2022 19:29

You are firstly doing an absolutely fantastic job.
Secondly, if I buy the groceries can I come round for dinner?

MatronicO6 · 10/10/2022 19:30

Just showed my mum, who is a very experienced HV, your post. She said the menu sounds great, full of variety, balanced and healthy.

Said to ignore HV, some children, like adults, don't come in one size. Some are smaller, what matters is that each child is growing at a healthy rate.

DarlingDarwin · 10/10/2022 19:30

I wish I could get my kids to eat that!!! 😂

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BrieAndChilli · 10/10/2022 19:31

She sounds very racist. Does she not realise that those dishes may be ‘takeaway meals’ in the U.K. but that’s because most people don’t know how to cook them but in other countries they are everyday meals!

she sounds like unless it’s potatoe, meat and 2 veg it doesn’t count as a proper meal. Pasta isn’t healthy either so you are right to limit it.

I’d just ignore it and I would ask for a different health visitor

murasaki · 10/10/2022 19:31

Sounds great, I'd be round for tea in a jiffy.

VeronicaFranklin · 10/10/2022 19:31

Your HV is talking bollocks and sounds like they're being particularly picky. They must see tons of kids that are eating junk food/ some kids who are barely eating at all!

As long as your kids are fed and have some veggies/fruit and are putting on weight steadily and are healthy then you're doing fine, the comment about your youngest being small is also rubbish. The 25th percentile just means 75% of children of their age are bigger than him where as he is bigger than 25% of children his age, percentiles are a benchmark against population / averages and nothing more.

Your food diary is varied and looks fine to me. Personally I'd complain about your HV, sounds like they're being a busy body to me!

Luckymummytoone · 10/10/2022 19:31

My goodness! She’d have a shock if she came to mine 😂 and you have two to look after! I’d definitely raise it as a concern - your menu looks lovely op! You’re doing fab!

Cm078 · 10/10/2022 19:32

She'd be mortified at ours then.
My kid wouldn't eat any of that 🙈 no vegetables! Only brocolli on occasions.
That's absolutely fine.

Skodacool · 10/10/2022 19:32

ImAvingOops · 10/10/2022 18:49

i wouldn't let her through my door again if I was you.

This. I would make it very clear that hv has a terrible attitude. It’s not her job to judge you and you sound quite intimidated by her. I’m surprised that she’s able to visit you so regularly. Most families haven’t seen hide nor hair of hv since Covid.

gluenotsoup · 10/10/2022 19:32

It sounds great to me 🙂

Allthingsbrightandbeautifulx · 10/10/2022 19:33

I’d be so happy if my 4 yr old would eat even half of this.
Only way I can get any fruit and veg in her is to make a smoothie with breakfast and blitz lots of veg into pasta sauce for tea. She wasn’t this fussy as a baby 🙄😂

I’d continue to feel proud about how they’re eating, I know I would.

bellocchild · 10/10/2022 19:34

My HV, many years ago, got very cross when we would not use her preferred weaning product, Milupa. It had cow's milk in it, and, as I patiently and repeatedly explained, we have cow's milk allergy in the family. She wouldn't have it. They both grew up fit and strong...

HereForTheCommentsB · 10/10/2022 19:35

Honestly, make a complaint.

I had a HV 'scolding' me to the point I was crying outside the GP surgery for things they assumed (because I was a young parent). I asked for a new HV and the original apologised and was fine after that but it was so upsetting at the time.

I also had one DC who basically didn't eat anything barring the same few foods so I went to (different at this time) HV worried and they told me as long as they are eating there wasn't much else I could do so not to worry (healthy teenager now!).

People like your HV get away with it because mothers are generally feeling vulnerable with a new baby and don't complain so they carry on and do the same to others.

Your menu looks fantastic, I've never been able to pull anything off like this with my fussy lot and wish I could!

I also agree it may be race related. Please do take this further as they'll be making other new parents feel this way and some will be single parents with no support and beat themselves up over it.

Maray1967 · 10/10/2022 19:36

I’m an experienced mum in my fifties - your menu is very good. I thought it was going to be all pizza and nuggets from what you said the HV said.
I would make a complaint - this is ridiculous.

bakewellbride · 10/10/2022 19:36

The menu genuinely sounds amazing! Much better than what I feed my children. You just got a bad HV - it happens. Try to avoid her in the future. There is one HV I do this with. If she calls my name in the waiting room I just say 'it's ok, you can go ahead of me' if there is someone else waiting or if it's just me I say 'sorry, now isn't a good time as the baby is a bit fussy / tired / hungry etc' then as soon as she goes I make sure I get someone else!

Pollydon · 10/10/2022 19:38

Well she is obviously talking through her arse, your food sounds great.
My 2nd HV took against my cooking as it was more Irish, like me. Get your head around that. The idiot obviously thought that I must be doing my cooking over a peat fire and having spuds 3 times a day. 🤷‍♀️🤦‍♀️

WeepingSomnambulist · 10/10/2022 19:38

If she called your menu junk food, then I really think she simply didnt know what a lot of it was. To her, its stuff she sees on a menu when she is out. It isnt "good home cooked food." She is basically saying that if they're not eating classic British meat, potato and veg then they're eating foreign junk. If they're not eating simple pasta then they're eating junk, because pasta is probably as adventurous as she gets.

It is good for kids to get a taste for more adventurous foods. I refused to raise my 2 on meat and 2 veg. They had food from all over the world, right from the start. It was good, healthy and home cooked. But it wasn't meat and 2 veg.

You're menu is great. Varied with lots of different flavours. She just didnt understand it so saw it as junk from a restaurant.

I'm not usually one for complaint about health services but I would be writing an account of what she said, a copy of my menu and my comments above about what I felt her opinion stemmed from.

She is verging on racism by calling world foods junk.

Pinkbananas01 · 10/10/2022 19:38

Your meals sounds lovely, I'd be delighted if the wee ones I look after would all eat these things. Health visitor sounds old fashioned at best.

BonjourCrisette · 10/10/2022 19:39

Your food sounds delicious, filling and healthy. Your HV sounds nuts. I would politely decline any further input on menus/food from her. I can't sese how shepherds pie is any healthier than the sorts of things you have mentioned cooking!

I don't much like mash either and would always rather have rice or pasta than potatoes in general. I have noticed some people seem to think a meal isn't a meal unless it has potatoes in it!

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 19:39

you’re all so sweet! Thank you! All welcome for tea lol, just gotta do the washing up haha!

she just hurt me for want of a better phrase because they were on me like flies on a turd when dc1 was a baby about her size, and she’s grown and fluctuates between 9/25 but has been around 25 for about 6 months now, this just seems to be her, but being blamed hurt. You just want the best for your kids don’t you.

OP posts:
Scrambler4 · 10/10/2022 19:39

Your menu selection sounds tasty and well balanced and your children are fortunate to have such a caring mum. The HV sounds like an out of touch fool.

Many years ago when my sister was a student nurse and on placement with the HV team they visited a mother with a 4 month old baby. The mum informed the HV she’d started the baby on solids the previous day and he loved it. The HV suggested she was premature with the solids and asked what she’d fed the baby for his first meal. The mum proudly replied “Flumps” 😂

Crikeyalmighty · 10/10/2022 19:40

Complain- that's an amazing menu- far better than I fed my sons. like others I'm wondering if she's a racist (I'm presuming you have ethnic heritage) because there is no way there's a problem with that menu

NoSquirrels · 10/10/2022 19:40

Your menu sounds bloody delicious. Lucky kids! Can I come round?

Ignore that HV. What a ridiculous person.

kateandme · 10/10/2022 19:40

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:59

I mean the baby eats most things but the toddler can be hit or miss, especially with daal lol, but we keep presenting the foods with some safe foods to expand her diet and get her experimenting but it’s a process to say the least lol

Op your menu sounds delightful. Your kids are doing fantastic.
sounds way too balanced for kiddies lol.and if this is their beginnings in good choices and managing they are going to have a really great chance.
this is Deff cultural and really really bad form.
not exactly relevant but there are so many dieticians having to work on this in their fields right now due to curry’s,Chinese and many dishes under those categories being deeened junk and it damaging those who have them as part of their culture.perfectly healthy.

FistFullOfRegrets · 10/10/2022 19:41

@Myohmymy Sit down as soon as you can & write down everything you can remember. Everything.

Your menu is great. Potato topped meals aren't essentials!!

Lots (most) Health Visitors have less than NO clue about babies, let alone nutrition. DO NOT let her rock your confidence!

write a letter of complaint & include your menu.

explain her nutritional knowledge is shocking, her attitude was rude, patronising & condescending. That you will not be lectured by someone so completely out of their depth, in regards to nutrition.

bring up the fact that she clearly didn't know what half of the dishes were and just because they're not typically British food it doesn't make them takeaways!

unleash your anger, and don't allow stupid people to sap your confidence.

grrrrr

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