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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
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twocatsandtwokids · 10/10/2022 19:58

Fab menu. Sounds like a toddler cookbook sample menu!

Isahlo · 10/10/2022 20:00

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

I was wondering the same.
irs not fakeaways is it. It’s global cuisine.

CandyLeBonBon · 10/10/2022 20:00

Does she think you're buying ready meals? I'm assuming you're making from scratch but she might not realise that? (Clutching at straws here!) otherwise I concur that hv sounds nuts.

Sounds lovely. I hope you've got a big table as I'm also coming round for tea but I can bring my own chair!

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Orchidflower1 · 10/10/2022 20:02

Honestly @Myohmymy I agree with everyone- your menu sounds fab. You’re doing a great job.

I really would think about the issue being a race one- all of the foods she suggested to you were very typically British. Nothing wrong with any of them on their own but she didn’t suggest anything from Dh culture did she?

complain about this nasty woman.

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 20:02

Thepurpleribbon · 10/10/2022 19:50

Please may I have the recipe for:

tuna sweetcorn pasta salad w/yoghurt dressing
cheesy veggie lentil muffins
egg florentine pizzas
Avocado pin wheels

P.s...you're doing amazing. She really is a huge and very ignorant twat.

Sure thing,

so it’s just Tuna pasta sweetcorn as per but the dressing is whole fat Greek yoghurt, some garlic (ideally fresh grated but I tend to use squeezy and or granules) lemon juice, olive oil, teensy bit of salt and some dried parsley, i tend to add more bits and bobs until it tastes loess dessert yoghurty haha.
pizzas are just plain large tortillas as a base, then left over pasta sauce or Tom purée with olive oil and some garlic granules and Italian herbs, mix together mozzarella and fresh chopped spinach, (I buy grated mozzarella and keep it in the freezer) and then put it on keeping a little well / space in the middle and crack an egg and whack in oven.
pin wheels was just the left over chicken schwarma blitzed a bit down so it rolled easier and mixed with some yog sauce (above) for spreadability and then thin slice avo in a wrap rolled and sliced
cheesy muffins, i googled the recipe, I’ll try to find it, i just used a half a can of green lentils and some blitzed up from veg mix. Just had to make sure to properly ring it out in kitchen roll as it’s quite watery lol

OP posts:
Mumberblock · 10/10/2022 20:02

I wish I could send you our old HV, lovely bubbly woman and totally obsessed by food. She would do weaning sessions and get carried away with a long list of tasty things you could feed your baby (anything and everything more or less) she’d be so excited by your brilliant varied menu I can literally hear her saying “oohh gorgeous Moroccan lamb, beautiful roast dinner! Oh how marvellous! What lucky babies!”

KermitlovesKeyLimePie · 10/10/2022 20:02

I'm sure your house is full for supper tonight now OP but is there room tomorrow for lunch?

I will bring cake. Let the HV choke on that.

See you at 1pm 😁

BryceQuinlanTheFirst · 10/10/2022 20:03

She is crazy. You should complain.

Eekle · 10/10/2022 20:04

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:51

She said it was too much junk food, they needed more ‘grown up food’ or they’ll get a taste for junk. I pointed out that it’s all home cooked, from scratch, no bought sauces when we do have things like pasta bake or lasagne, she said but still, they’ll get a taste for it.

she said lunch wasn’t substantial enough for small children

Heaven forbid they get a taste for foreign muck food with flavour

Workawayxx · 10/10/2022 20:05

She’s being ridiculous! Did she actually say how the meals were “wrong” except being “too junky/fakeaway”? They sound great.

im sure there are good hvs out there but I remember my DS’s when he was 12 months and she measured him as 75th centile for weight and said he was overweight as he was born on 25th. She didnt measure his height. He’s now 10 and tall and skinny and always has been. I’m so glad I ignored her recommendation to cut his portions. I knew he was really tall and took after his dad. Presumably when I was pregnant he grew to fit my 8 stone, 5’3” body.

Underthehills · 10/10/2022 20:05

Heck, if mine would eat all those things I’d be dancing. What planet it your HV on? What a horrible woman. I’d ask for someone else or send her away. You don’t have to have her visiting.

Sallyh87 · 10/10/2022 20:07

My 2 year old had 2 satsumas, some toast and cheese for dinner as they point blank refused anything else………

Your HV is an idiot. Although, i do acknowledge dinner today was a poor effort from me!

boomboom25 · 10/10/2022 20:07

@Myohmymy I work closely with HV's as well as practitioners who carry out the development reviews (having done a couple myself) and never seen/heard anything like what you're describing!

I'm sorry she made you feel so uncomfortable. The questions I've observed are usually along the lines of "do they have a balanced diet?" "Do they eat most/all food groups" and then going on to give advice on how to combat fussy eating etc if needed. I've never even heard anyone ask for examples of lunches/dinners it's usually very generalised!!
For what it's worth I think what you're serving sounds great and if they eat it and are happy and healthy I think you can go ahead and count it as a win

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 20:08

CandyLeBonBon · 10/10/2022 20:00

Does she think you're buying ready meals? I'm assuming you're making from scratch but she might not realise that? (Clutching at straws here!) otherwise I concur that hv sounds nuts.

Sounds lovely. I hope you've got a big table as I'm also coming round for tea but I can bring my own chair!

I mean I did say we cook them all and menu plan to save money and that dreaded ‘what’s for dinner’ convo and faff, either she just wasn’t paying attention or she just had already made up her mind and didn’t believe me.

she asked how much they eat too but I said it varies and there’s always more available if they want more, rarely do, she didn’t really say anything to that but I got the ‘you’re under feeding them’ vibe

OP posts:
GraceandMolly · 10/10/2022 20:10

I expected to see fish fingers and chicken kievs. Your menu is lovely and the Health visitor rather unreasonable

justmewithmylifetoday · 10/10/2022 20:11

HV is being ridiculous and rude. I'd complain tbh. Sounds better than we eat. I'd happily come round for dinner 😁

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 20:12

Workawayxx · 10/10/2022 20:05

She’s being ridiculous! Did she actually say how the meals were “wrong” except being “too junky/fakeaway”? They sound great.

im sure there are good hvs out there but I remember my DS’s when he was 12 months and she measured him as 75th centile for weight and said he was overweight as he was born on 25th. She didnt measure his height. He’s now 10 and tall and skinny and always has been. I’m so glad I ignored her recommendation to cut his portions. I knew he was really tall and took after his dad. Presumably when I was pregnant he grew to fit my 8 stone, 5’3” body.

No she just said that it’s like junk and they’ll get used to it, fakeaways etc and ‘it’s not great is it’, she didn’t mention anything nutrition wise

OP posts:
WonderingWanda · 10/10/2022 20:12

What a load of twaddle. Your meals sound great and the hv sounds a bit old fashioned in her food views.

NaTTate · 10/10/2022 20:13

That menu looks great (and I'm sure better than average family fayre). Nice variety of proteins, lots of homemade things, good snacks. What a horrible HV. Don't let this one person shake your confidence - it sounds like you're doing really well.

catandcoffee · 10/10/2022 20:13

I'd personally NOT allow that Woman back in my house.
She sounds bloody awful.

Xtraincome · 10/10/2022 20:13

Your instincts were bang on, OP. HV was insensitive and I think some personalities act this way when they are jealous/petty types. I can almost guarantee that if the HV has kids, they don't get such a nice menu.

Can I come for dinner?

InCheesusWeTrust · 10/10/2022 20:14

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 20:12

No she just said that it’s like junk and they’ll get used to it, fakeaways etc and ‘it’s not great is it’, she didn’t mention anything nutrition wise

I agree with others.
She was worried they will get used to varied flavours...

Tbh if lots of HV are like this, it would explain a lot.

TenThousandSpoons · 10/10/2022 20:14

This menu sounds absolutely excellent.

I would complain about the HV. Then ignore and never see her again.

FontSnob · 10/10/2022 20:15

She sounds like a wanker.

Sallyh87 · 10/10/2022 20:16

Can you refuse health visitors? I am pregnant with my seconds and can’t remember them being at all useful when I have my first.

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