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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
ContadoraExplorer · 10/10/2022 19:17

Sounds great OP, your HV is bonkers. Homemade, well balanced and your kids are getting a load of variety and exposure to different types of healthy foods.

Just by way of comparison, our toddler largely has cereal or porridge and some fruit for breakfast, we'll sometimes do pancakes or waffles as a treat on weekends. Lunch is normally a sandwich, pinwheels, or homemade soup l, and dinner generally pasta or rice based dishes as that's what we tend to eat ourselves. Roasts, cottage or fish pie and the like are occasional around here but there are always plenty of different veg (both obvious and hidden in sauces) and fruit is always available.

I think I'd be asking for someone else tbh.

Jackaloper · 10/10/2022 19:17

The HV is nuts, and if you have the energy, you should report her. I had one when I had trouble breastfeeding tell me I should try divining (as in alternative health woo with magic divining rods). I should have reported her but I had PND and couldn’t be arsed.
you are doing a brilliant job.

scrivette · 10/10/2022 19:18

I suspect that because you are white and the foods are very varied she thought you were getting them/copying them from takeaways and she doesn't know what they are.

The food sounds delicious and is far healthier than my childrens menus. Please don't let her worry you.

I stopped going to the Health Visitor after she told me my 4 month old was 'naughty' for crying in the evenings and I should just leave him to cry.

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CosyDarkNights · 10/10/2022 19:18

Shepherds pie really isn't a healthy dish, she really has made herself look stupid. Do not allow this woman to "check how things are going" she sounds dim. I do think there's a lack of culinary/cultural understanding on her part too, only traditional English stodge dishes will do you know!

napody · 10/10/2022 19:20

Well, shepherd's pie is a healthy dish. Just not THE healthy dish.

Pittapatcat · 10/10/2022 19:21

Hv can be a bit loopy. Mine told me the house was too cold. I lived in a mid terrace warm home and would have the heating on. I didn't change the temp.

Once went on a ramble about depression for about 20 mins. Then looked at her watch n said she had to go. No context and I didn't have depression. No explanation.

She was known amongst parents to be random. I've never found them useful unfortunately. And quite glad I haven't had one with a lockdown baby

KnottyKnitting · 10/10/2022 19:21

I think you were very patient. She has absolutely no right to critique your food choices. I am afraid I would have told her to bog off and mind her own business. Followed by a strong complaint and then refused to see her again. You are not obliged to have a health visitor and are quite within your rights to refuse visits and contact with them.

Georgeskitchen · 10/10/2022 19:22

Sounds like a really healthy and tasty diet . Can I please come as well? 😁😁

Delatron · 10/10/2022 19:22

Sounds amazing and varied - really healthy. I’d make a formal complaint as who knows what rubbish she is telling other mothers.

Request not to see her again. I never saw much value in seeing HV? Do you have to see one. You sound like you’re doing fine.

LovingLifesHurdles · 10/10/2022 19:22

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

Honestly reading what you were writing I was expecting loads of processed crap reheated in the oven. You cook fresh, healthy, nutritious food, you are doing a fabulous job.

NumericalBlock · 10/10/2022 19:22

Opt out of the HV visits and please complain about her! She's mad. I suspect she thinks you're just buying it in but even so, how bloody rude of her.

RedToothBrush · 10/10/2022 19:23

She said she’ll call back in a few weeks to see how things are going.

Don't pick up. Or say you have concerns about her advice and will be seeking alternative advice. If she whines, say that you indeed to report her because if she's giving advice like that to everyone she is going to be doing serious harm if she said the same to someone particularly vulnerable.

Seriously, don't listen to this woman again. Get decent advice.

NanFlanders · 10/10/2022 19:24

Your menu literally made my mouth water. You HV is insane.

Iateallthechocolate · 10/10/2022 19:24

Your child has gone from the 2nd to the 25th centile. The dietician will laugh in her face if she tries to refer you.

diddl · 10/10/2022 19:25

Aside from her not understanding what some of the meals are, all I can think is that she has looked at the lunch menu & seen muffins, pizza & pom bears & nothing else.

I used to cook at lunch & do a lighter evening meal.

I've done rice pudding for lunch & considered that the cooked meal for the day!

GinIronic · 10/10/2022 19:25

Is there room for one more at your table? Asking for a friend.

HaveringWavering · 10/10/2022 19:26

Ignore the racist asshole.

fortheloveofflowers · 10/10/2022 19:26

Sounds fab and much better than what I feed my 12 year old.

I’m also coming round for dinner 😊

Macbeth8 · 10/10/2022 19:26

Sounds a bit racist to me 🤔

fortheloveofflowers · 10/10/2022 19:26

I was also thinking that @Macbeth8

BeethovenNinth · 10/10/2022 19:27

No way. Your food is excellent! She has lost the plot.

TerfranosaurusVagina · 10/10/2022 19:28

My mouth actually dropped open at your 2nd post!! I can't believe how ignorant and detrimental she was. HVs are there to help and encourage, not criticise and tear down.
Had I had her, it would have definitely triggered my PND. If you feel up to it, please complain so she can't tip another vulnerable mother over the edge.
Curry sauces often have more veg in them than roast dinners! I adore a homemade curry!
Why do so many HVs and midwives think they are an authority on such a diverse range of subjects?

Rosehugger · 10/10/2022 19:29

She needs to fuck off and get real. Lots of people will be on beans on toast, fish fingers chips and peas, jacket potato with beans and cheese, scrambled egg on toast or other basic meals or far worse for their dinners as they cannot afford more and/or don't know how to cook. Your menu sounds absolutely brilliant and she sounds like an ignorant and xenophobic cow. She probably wouldn't know a chicken shawarma if it kicked her up the arse.

Annabananna1 · 10/10/2022 19:29

I wonder what's on her menu?!

What you're surviving is far healthier than what I am.

Mainly pesto pasta or fish fingers and mash here.

InCheesusWeTrust · 10/10/2022 19:29

I agree with early pister about the HV not.knowing what half of that food is.

I am an immigrat so is OH but we are from different continents. I had people tell me the most ridiculous things about food purely because they had no idea what was I making. She just saw some of the foods on deliveroo app and decided it's takeaways.
Our menu would probably give her same reaction yet we easily achieve 8+ a day 🤷🏻 (no kids though) but half of it just sounds weird I guess.

Lol at her suggested dishes instead. Complain