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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
birdglasspen · 11/10/2022 19:59

My children 5, 3 and 1 are all 90th percentile, not heavy just very tall! If they are all those foods I’d be so happy! My 3.5 year old eats eggs, sausages, chocolate spread and apples. I’m serious that’s about it. It’s depressing, I can and do cook but he’s becoming fussier and fussier! Your HV is mental maybe jealous of their yummy food!

opalescent · 11/10/2022 20:01

This reply has been deleted

Trollhunting

Sandytoesfrecklednose · 11/10/2022 20:02

In my experience HV do more harm than good with some of the things and the way they speak to families. With my children I heard a range of really cutting comments dressed up as advice from one HV at my local clinic. Luckily there were some great supportive ones there too but I did complain about some of the things said and would suggest you do too. Your menu sounds great. Your kids are fed and very clearly cared for. You’re doing a great job.

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kateandme · 11/10/2022 20:02

Starsinyoureyes13 · 11/10/2022 19:40

And for all the mums out there that feed their children nuggets, fish fingers and chips, you are so blessed. My kids live on spaghetti bolognaise or salmon with rice.. Nuggets and chips never pass their mouths, not because im a mum that promotes nutrition but because they don't like nuggets... To be one of those mums that just bungs on quick easy meals in the oven, it be a dream come true for me

One day, one day you will love them for this.especially when the can cook it for you!

frozenorangejuice · 11/10/2022 20:02

Ignore, OP. Your menu looks great and it’s brilliant that your kids are enjoying their food. Carry on.

PoopyGirl · 11/10/2022 20:06

What does HV know, silly goat, as MIL would say. Just ignore and carry on. You are doing a great job! 😍

WotsitsMadeIn1927 · 11/10/2022 20:08

I had quite a few cousins who have recently had kids within the last couple of years and it appears to me health visitors etc seem to think they have more control over how children are looked after. It’s not on

AloysiusBear · 11/10/2022 20:10

Your HV is mad as a hatter.

Your menu sounds nutritious and age appropriate and if your child has moved from 2nd to 25th in 3.5 years thats a peefectly good way to gently increase to a healthy weight - its usually consider better if weight gain is gradual vs abrupt.

75mellyd · 11/10/2022 20:12

I bet she wouldn’t have offered you this advice if you were from an ethnic minority. Telling you to do a roast, get a cook book is totally unacceptable. What if you are a veggie/ Hindu family??

Chunkyetfunky90 · 11/10/2022 20:17

Hope you have another space at the table for me too ! Sounds perfectly fine to me 😊

Gemstar2 · 11/10/2022 20:18

This is an amazing menu, you’re doing a great job. Sorry the HV was mean and quite frankly totally wrong on all accounts. Another one coming round for dinner (and bringing DC who basically survives on baked beans)

Longdarkcloud · 11/10/2022 20:19

I’m very impressed OP. Your children are growing up with well cultivated palates. I had contact professionally with a number of H/Vs a few years back and whilst many were really good value some had rigid out of date ideas and no idea of how their I’ll judged comments could upset their clients

Vexed80 · 11/10/2022 20:21

OP, I haven’t read all the posts and I’m hoping they are all supportive but I couldn’t read and run. Your menu sounds lovely, with a good variety of options. I don’t understand what makes shepherds pie a ‘proper’ meal and chicken shawarma, rice and aubergine a ‘fakeaway’?! Culturally and traditionally, we will all have our family norms when it comes to meals. My aunty does the worlds best egg and chips for example, my husbands chicken curry is to die for, my daughter loves it when I make a corned beef pie. It may not be meals that the average person on the street would feel was anything special, but it doesn’t make those meals better or worse than anything else. It sounds as if your HV may be putting her own narrow views of what constitutes a ‘proper’ meal onto others. How boring to live in a world of only shepherds pie and roast dinners and think of anything outside of that as a fakeaway?! Please complain. Don’t let this person leave you feeling upset. This is all about her and nothing about you. Sending much love xx

jtaeapa · 11/10/2022 20:24

The person you reported her to sounds like a gas lighter as well. She wasn’t even there and yet she’s “sure” it was a misunderstanding or some shit. They are probably mates. For this reason, it’s usually not worth reporting. You just get fobbed off/lied to. I was in the minority (far back in this thread) where I advised you not to bother to report her. What you encountered is typical. I imagine I am 10-15 years older than you and I have experienced nonsense like this from all sorts of places and that’s why I wouldn’t have bothered reporting.

stayathomer · 11/10/2022 20:25

Another wishing to god my menus were like yours!!!

MarvellousMonsters · 11/10/2022 20:27

Can I come to yours for tea?

I thought you were going to list pop tarts Turkey dinosaurs and spaghetti hoops, your menus sound varied, healthy and nutritious. Your HV is a loon.

Hmm1234 · 11/10/2022 20:29

I’m so confused! This is similar to what my son almost two has at nursery! Make a complaint the HV sounds unnecessarily critical!

Darbs76 · 11/10/2022 20:31

Absolutely nothing wrong with the menu, it sounds more than decent. Ignore or make a complaint, her advice is awful

alexis97 · 11/10/2022 20:35

Please put in a complaint. This is absolutely terrible behaviour from the HV. Some health visitors are lovely but some honestly I think they get a kick out of putting parents down. Some don't even have children. It's a disgrace. Keep doing what you're doing. The menu sounds perfect. I work in a nursery. An example day for us is lunch: tuna pasta and snack/high tea is like beans on toast or a crumpet with cream cheese on.

Blueink · 11/10/2022 20:35

Apart from missing a couple of portions of oily fish, your menu looks good, especially as you are serving extra veggies and offering fruit at each meal. Her suggested replacements are no better than you are already providing. Ignore her.

Jack80 · 11/10/2022 20:36

Ignore her your menu sound lovely and if you child is eating this nice variety then s*d her. xx

EmmaLouu · 11/10/2022 20:36

The HV needs to wind her neck in and read her code of conduct - somewhere in there will be a paragraph about professionalism and possibly one about not being a condescending dick.

Sorry to swear but I can’t stand it when doctors/nurses/anyone in a position of trust behave this way.

You’re absolutely fine, sounds great! form a complaint and stop her from behaving this way. Keep your chin up! 😉

alexis97 · 11/10/2022 20:38

Flowersintheattic57 · 10/10/2022 18:18

Was she an older HV? Her suggestions are rather old fashioned. There’s nothing wrong with the food you’re offering: it’s varied and there’s plenty of fruit and veg.
She sounds rather stuck in ‘meat and two veg’ school of cooking. Take no notice, if your children are eating that menu, you’re doing a fantastic job.

I had one a similar age to me mid 20s who didn't even have a child and was very critical with my parenting. I'm a senior practitioner in a nursery and know exactly how to care for my little one. I put in a complaint. They focus on criticising the parents doing there best and keeping their children safe than the parents that could give a crap.

howdoesatoastermaketoast · 11/10/2022 20:42

WhatsAVideo · 10/10/2022 18:16

HV is nuts, ignore

we're veggie and sometimes encountered a kind of sniffy I don't know what that is so I don't like it attitude and honestly I think that's what's going on here.

PyongyangKipperbang · 11/10/2022 20:44

The thing is, its easier to have a go at the parents doing their best because the ones who dont give a shit dont engage with HV etc, whereas the rest of us, desperate for reassurance and guidance, will always have their involvement.

So instead of helping families who really wont or cant care for their little ones properly, they pull us to pieces for making a ham sandwich instead of a gourmet cooked lunch. The irony being that every single HV I have had (and with 6 kids, thats a fair few) was not exactly an advert for healthy eating or hygiene themselves. One I particularly remember I doubt her hair had seen shampoo in months!