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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
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shoplifteroftheworld · 11/10/2022 19:30

Your meals sound perfect - and tasty! Normally I'd say just to ignore her and forget about it but in this instance I'd report her. If she talks to new mums like this, particularly if they're suffering from post natal depression it could really upset them. She's very rude. And very wrong! You're doing great OP xx

yerdaindicatesonbends · 11/10/2022 19:32

She sounds utterly confused tbh! You’re menu sounds delicious and nutritious! I wonder if because she’s seen some of those meals on take away menus she’s assumed that that means unhealthy, because I honestly can’t get my head around it!

maddiemookins16mum · 11/10/2022 19:35

Oh love, I was ‘expecting’ nuggets and spaghetti hoops every night**!!! You have nothing to worry about, your wains eat better than I do.

** Nowt wrong with nuggets and hoops of course (although not every night).
I really hope the overwhelming positive responses to your post/menu. Don’t you worry about a thing. You are doing great.

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Starsinyoureyes13 · 11/10/2022 19:36

I think with the cost of living hitting through the roof we wil be lucky if we can afford decent meals for our kids. She has no right to have a go at you, your kids are healthy and fed. Sick of do gooders ramming down our throats what our kids should eat. That crap had my daughter at 4 with an eating disorder, she wouldn't eat anything that was unhealthy, resulting in my daughter fainting in school a few times. Honestly tell her to fk off.

amassiveoverthinker · 11/10/2022 19:36

Those meals sound lovely and your doing great, does she have kids ??? ... sometimes i do chicken nuggets and feel guilty, a ton of veg but still feel guilty for some reason. This is not the time to guilt trip parents, full
bellies is all that matters xxx

Solonge · 11/10/2022 19:36

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:47

i didn’t even think of the ‘race’ element, she was an older white woman, my husband is Asian but I’m a white as they come lol, maybe she was a ‘this is Britain, none of this foreign muck’ sort of woman.

she asked me do I know how to cook pasta, to which I said yes, she said there wasn’t a lot of that and I said, they had it for lunch this week and twice for dinners last week so don’t want them to get fed up. When she said about the full meals, I said I’m limited time wise, a lot of my meals I make in the slow cooker, to which she replied ‘so do you always, gravitate towards the easy option?’. I mumbled something about not having to watch it with kids, i just felt like a little girl getting scolded. Her suggestions were, the full meals like shepherds pie, roasts, fish pie etc (aside from the roast I dislike the other 2 immensely) oh and risotto (again, don’t really like it). She even wanted to weigh my eldest which I declined, I think that was a red flag to a bull (but I know roughly how much she weighs, she’s proportionate and looks healthy but petite, I’m 5’3 so it’s hardly a shock she’s petite but I don’t want to make a big deal out of weight or size). She said she’ll call back in a few weeks to see how things are going.

please report her. The advice she is giving is incorrect. She is working against you and not with you. She was rude...suggesting you take short cuts...I would put in a formal complaint and refuse to have her visit again. YOu will be doing countless other mums a huge favour by getting her ticket marked. She will be required to undertake visits with another HV overseeing until she is judged as safe again.

Ihearticecream · 11/10/2022 19:37

I can’t stand the majority of HV’s for this very reason! It’s never proper advice just their own personal opinion. Absolute waste of time for most people. And instead they clearly miss the people who do need help.

shoplifteroftheworld · 11/10/2022 19:40

Also you have your little ones eating daal and aubergine! That's amazing. Daal is so nutritious. I have it all the time. Yes, this is definitely an old school British woman who doesn't know how good 'ethnic' food can be and she sounds like a bigot. Report, report, report! 👍

Solonge · 11/10/2022 19:40

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 19:26

Rose hip syrup!

That takes me back- it was bliddy delicious!

Rose hip syrup was nothing more than sugar water and one of the worst things for kids. I can remember little toddlers with feeding cups drinking loads of the stuff and rotting their teeth as they came through!

Bard6817 · 11/10/2022 19:40

IMO she’s an older HV and objecting to your choice of mains. I see nothing wrong with your choices, indeed it’s healthier than most parents in my experience…. If she raises it again, ask her what’s wrong with your meat and veg choices, and perhaps she needs to widen her own palette and enjoy a more multi cultural approach to cuisine.

Everyflippingusernameistaken · 11/10/2022 19:40

It all sounds lovely to me. Very nutritious and healthy. I don't understand the HV comments. Sounds like a nasty jobsworth.

Starsinyoureyes13 · 11/10/2022 19:40

And for all the mums out there that feed their children nuggets, fish fingers and chips, you are so blessed. My kids live on spaghetti bolognaise or salmon with rice.. Nuggets and chips never pass their mouths, not because im a mum that promotes nutrition but because they don't like nuggets... To be one of those mums that just bungs on quick easy meals in the oven, it be a dream come true for me

Poodles23 · 11/10/2022 19:45

Your menus sound very good, much better than what most people eat. I’d ignore your hv, probably jealous she/he doesn’t eat as well themselves!!

MrsKnows · 11/10/2022 19:45

Excellent food choices and all sounds varied & nutritious. That HV was either deliberately trying to undermine you or has no idea about what they were talking about! I’d complain about them and I don’t complain lightly!

Fakeaways are THE healthiest way to treat the family without the cost & hidden chemicals in the food! You do YOU! 👍

kateandme · 11/10/2022 19:46

I no you said your phone call seemed to be being passed over,wouod you think about putting it in writing.they can’t ignore that or get rid of it. And might be more inclined to act on it.
this woman could really really break and already struggling mum.

Harls1969 · 11/10/2022 19:46

I'd take anything she says with a pinch of salt. Honestly it sounds fine. Unfortunately your HV sounds a lot like the ones I had over 20 years ago. Some of them seem to make it their life's work to make new mums feel like shit. As long as your children are eating, are thriving and are happy, I'd not worry too much

kateandme · 11/10/2022 19:48

Because it’s only going to get worse for many parents.the struggle with food is going to become even harder to juggle.we need to be finding ways to really support people and lift them,empathise.

Bunnyfuller · 11/10/2022 19:48

Lovely menu op, way better than I have ever managed with my now 16 and 17 yr old opinionated and intelligent young women (DD1 was 0% centimetres, prob still is but appears to be loudly, gorgeously alive!).

You’re doing fine

IDidntKnowItWasAParty · 11/10/2022 19:49

OP please can you post all your weekly menus, as I want to copy them???

Mamaof2males · 11/10/2022 19:50

Sounds like a beautiful well thought out menu with all food groups! Ignore her and refuse to let her in - ask for a diff HV you do not need to be criticised so rudely and personally esp in your own home! One of my children only eats about 3 foods she would have a field day with me.

Moll2020 · 11/10/2022 19:52

Can I come and live with you?!! The menu you offer looks superb x

Sorrynotsorry22 · 11/10/2022 19:57

Menus look lovely from health & nutrition perspective for adults and also if you were watching your weight.
Kids growing physically need nutrition for growth plus extra for energy, so just giving them bigger portions isn't always an option or good idea.
Thats where the odd higher calories snack can supplement the nutrition for growth.

Hope this helps.

Kate0902900908 · 11/10/2022 19:57

The health visitor is ridiculous. The food you are feeding the children is more than 1. Enough & 2. Nutritional. I would make a complaint, her comments are outrageous.

Keep up the good work X

RidingMyBike · 11/10/2022 19:57

I think your menu sounds amazing!

sadly, I had a bad experience with my HV too - she told me off for using formula (baby had been readmitted with dehydration as my milk hadn’t come in) then told me they didn’t offer support for PND. She made me feel incredibly vulnerable and awful.

I did complain eventually, and it was fobbed off with excuses. So I complained again. Then I escalated it. It ended up with the ombudsman and was upheld.

Primroseprimula · 11/10/2022 19:58

Your food sounds fantastic and healthy.

Calling anything foreign 'fakeaway' really pisses me off. Indian, Chinese, Greek Turkish etc home cooking usually bears little resemblance to takeaway and is just as healthy as meat and 2 veg and pasta based meals, and often cheaper.

I think it's worth complaining as I imagine your not the first person she's upset. She shouldn't be setting herself up as an expert in nutrition when she's clearly not.