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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
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Frazzledstar1 · 11/10/2022 19:12

Sounds great, and you are making loads of effort. We tend to have much more basic lunches at home; sandwiches, toast, omelette, cheese and crackers etc because I have some fussy eaters. Hate to imagine what she’d say to me 😂

annoyedofnorwich · 11/10/2022 19:13

Sounds good to me. Personally I'd have meat less frequently (if that's 1 week?) particularly red meat, but can't see much else I'd dislike! She must have either misunderstood something, or have been having a bad day, surely! Hopefully they'll have a word with her.

OliBolsMum · 11/10/2022 19:14

Your meals sound great, they are varied and there's nothing wrong with home cooked 'fakeaways'.

Absolutely ignore that HV, she clearly has no idea of what sensible meals are like.

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oosha · 11/10/2022 19:14

Tell your HV to sod off; their visits are optional and not mandatory, you don’t have to see them at all unless you are on a child protection or other safeguarding plan. Sounds like the HV was rude and showed a lack of cultural awareness around your food choices. The menu sounds a lot like the stuff my nursery serves. She was clearly having a bad day and wanted to take it out on someone.

Peony26 · 11/10/2022 19:14

I would file a complaint! She is bang out of order! You are feeding them absolutely fine, and with the costs of everything going up she should not be piling pressure on you, she’s completely rude and patronising!

ByTheGrace · 11/10/2022 19:18

I'm echoing everyone else, but I'll add to the pile. Your list sounds fab, wish I was that organised, you can cook for me anytime 😊
The HV is nuts. There's no need for a cooked lunch, heating food doesn't add any nutritional benefits and white pasta isn't hugely healthy anyway. I suspect she didn't really understand what half the things were or only knew the takeaway version. If you'd not been white I'd have guessed at her being racist.
Hope the manager does something constructive with your complaint.

Sillyname63 · 11/10/2022 19:19

Why is a meat & 2 veg meal any better? A meal should be protein , carbs, veg. You seem to be hitting all the targets for that, sounds like she should be getting up to date with food in the 21st century. Most families have fakeways type meals tbh, look at any supermarket magazine and they usually have weekly meal plan and the food you are serving sounds bang on.

LovePoppy · 11/10/2022 19:20

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

This is what Im wondering too. An issue with "Ethnic" food.

BlueMongoose · 11/10/2022 19:22

When the boss of someone who has behaved like a total hole tells you they're 'sure there has been a misunderstanding' they very often mean 'my subordinate has been a total hole but I can't tell you that - just wait till that **hole gets back into the office, though'.

MrsPetty · 11/10/2022 19:22

I think some HVs are just horrible! Looking for anything they can criticise. I had one when DD1 was born. I made a compliant and told her manager she was not welcome in my house again! Do likewise please OP. She’s obviously really upset you and she’ll do the same to others. Your menu looks great btw!

LoisLane66 · 11/10/2022 19:22

I'm flabbergasted!. Please, don't lose faith in yourself, you're doing just fine and as long S the children are having as much as they want at mealtimes you are doing a great job of looking after your family. The meals sound nutritious and tasty. Lucky children to have a mum who thinks ahead and plans meals and even preps at night
I wonder what an hv would have said about Kate, Duchess of Cambridge because she's naturally slim. My youngest son was about 6 7lbs when he was born and stayed very slim and still is v slim. When he started work he weighed 5st 11lbs aged just shy of 16. He's run full marathons many many times in amazing timescales and is in the same job (promoted several times) as when he left school. He's now 41, married with family and very fit. Some people are lean and some a bit more rounded (me 😉🥴)
Don't let her comments knock your confidence.

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 19:24

Nowt wrong with that menu - on the contrary, not only is it nutritious your children are being introduced to loads of different foods and textures - they'll be less likely to be faddy eaters later on unlike mine.

Some children are smarter;; - doesn't necessarily mean they aren't healthy. Somebody has to be on the bottom rung of the gentile chart, just as somebody has to be on the top. That's what "range" means.

They don't need two cooked meals a day (strictly speaking they don't "need" even one as long as vitamins etc are nicely balanced). And that crack about the cookbook is insulting - and it means nothing - I have dozens of cookbooks and can rarely think further than sausages when I'm trying to decide what to cook. hat does she say to those families that live on Monster Munch and hotdogs*?

If you think she'll get *rsey about it, get a duple of cookbooks out of the library. Show them to her. Then take them back.

Your HV doesn't know her job.

*A popular meal at Chateau Viper 30-odd years ago.

BlueMongoose · 11/10/2022 19:25

Nothing wring with that food that I can see.
I was always small. My ancestors are mostly small. But my Mum (in the 1960s) kept getting told I needed building up. GP suggested she should feed me game (!), and offal. I got the offal, but game was a wee bit out of reach financially.
I did like the Rose Hip Syrup he prescribed, I could have drunk it by the bucketload, but I really didn't need it. I was just small.

ExpatAl · 11/10/2022 19:25

A roast? FGS.
HV was nuts and I think bullying and rude.
Ignore and well done on the weight gain.

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 19:25

*Couple, not duple

cherish123 · 11/10/2022 19:25

YANBU. It's absolutely fine. I thought it was going to be full of processed foods. Your 3yr old obviously has a sophisticated pallete. Quite varied and healthy. Ignore her.

Missingpop · 11/10/2022 19:26

Your hi is talking out of her arse; there’s nothing wrong with that menu if half the kids in this country ate that there wouldn’t be any obesity or rotting teeth; it all looks good wholesome home cooked food.

my children always had a quick lunch when they were small two big cooked meals a day would be far to much for their little tummies to take they’d end up little chubbies

Lily7050 · 11/10/2022 19:26

OP, you are lucky your 3.5 yo DC eats everything from your menu. I got a very very fussy eater, 3 years 4 months old.
Secondly, I am very surprised HV visited you. Last time I heard from our HV was around October last year. She was going to do some kind of assessment over video phone. Then omicron was announced and HV cancelled her video call.

WorkerBee83 · 11/10/2022 19:26

I can’t believe the HV made you feel bad about this choice of food! Honestly it looks great and varied to me. I would put a complaint in about HV too they sound ridiculous

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 19:26

BlueMongoose · 11/10/2022 19:25

Nothing wring with that food that I can see.
I was always small. My ancestors are mostly small. But my Mum (in the 1960s) kept getting told I needed building up. GP suggested she should feed me game (!), and offal. I got the offal, but game was a wee bit out of reach financially.
I did like the Rose Hip Syrup he prescribed, I could have drunk it by the bucketload, but I really didn't need it. I was just small.

Rose hip syrup!

That takes me back- it was bliddy delicious!

batshitballs · 11/10/2022 19:28

I thought you were going to write: fish fingers, nuggets, beans etc

Who does she think she is! Bloody fish pie? Who actually makes fish pie regularly for a toddler and a baby!

Don't allow her to come again. Its not compulsory to let them in

Lily4444 · 11/10/2022 19:28

I would definitely complain - your menu not only sounds delicious but very nutritional too.

please ignore what she said as I feel that your menu is exactly the food you see nutritionist trying to promote most parents to make and the fact that you do that is amazing

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 19:28

Just realise I typer "some children are smarter" That should, of course have said "Some children are smaller"

I really must proof read.

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 19:29

Also - "gentile chart" should read "gentile chart"

I've outdone myself this time.

Emotionalsupportviper · 11/10/2022 19:30

CENTILE FFS!

CENTILE

I will get you for this autocarrot!

As God is my witness!