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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Zerrin13 · 11/10/2022 18:47

Well its alot better than mine used to get

Daisybridge · 11/10/2022 18:48

Sounds lovely and absolutely fine - I wish my son would have eaten that well that young.

Mummyto2rugrats · 11/10/2022 18:49

Absolutely nothing wrong imo with any of that (other than avocado is evil but that's just my opinion 😉) that is a nice healthy varied diet and if they are eating it perfect. My two were at nursery and had a great varied diet with them and at home then youngest started school got the free school meals and became fussy to the point we thought she was developing and eating disorder as we were finding napkins of wrapped up food from meals hidden behind counters, school was allowing her to choose plain rice or jacket potatoes then wondering why she was going of the boil at school after lunch we flipped to packed lunches and that's what she is sticking too and slowly we are getting her back to breing more adventurous.
So stick to your guns make a complaint as you are doing great with a varied diet and introducing your dc to foods many kids won't eat

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Pinkishpurple · 11/10/2022 18:50

It all sounds delicious. I would complain! She's a health visitor not a dietician!

Bellebun22 · 11/10/2022 18:51

I feel so sorry she has made you feel like this, your meals are absolutely fine. Good variety and better than most may manage in the current climate. She is a fool, don’t let her upset you and I would complain. IF there was a problem with the nutrition and variety then they should also approach this in a certain way

Speaking from experience from a demon HV last week. My daughter was born 36 weeks just under 50th centile. Weighed last week at 7 weeks and the HV told me she has put on too much too quick and that I am over feeding her… we went to see our GP for belated 6 week check who stated the HV was wrong and didn’t even read the chart properly (she hadn’t jumped 2+ centiles as HV had said) and said she is healthy and she is happy with her

Various other comments were also made such as I have given into marketing for buying her a play mat to lay on (those jungle gym type things). She also made comments about the TV being on and saying babies don’t learn from the TV and if they look at it it doesn’t mean they are intelligent- I had on a breakfast show in the background as my partner was at work and I was home alone (bit of background noise)…

Ignore her… you’re doing great!!

Lovely13 · 11/10/2022 18:52

Your food sounds fabulous. Please invite me over! My youngest ate the likes of pesto pasta, ham sarnies, fruit etc almost exclusively for years. Found his taste buds at about 13. He’s now a 6ft1in adult. Very fit and healthy. Eats anything. Ignore this person.

Pushmepullu · 11/10/2022 18:53

Wow, what a fantastic menu. There’s lots of variety and I can’t see evidence of junk food. My son was very thin and the advice my GP and a paediatrician friend gave me was, if he has energy, is reaching milestones and is happy then he is eating enough and healthily.
It’s hard enough to get kids to eat anyway without facing criticism from someone who probably is totally inexperienced.

SnowBall86 · 11/10/2022 18:54

HV are there to support and not to judge. It should be in her handbook. They can advise but expressing their opinion is in professional. Your menu sounds lovely! You’re clearly doing well. I’d complain about HV tbh, maybe she needs some training. People like her discourage mums sharing anything other than ‘perfect’ (although your menu sounds pretty perfect to me).

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 11/10/2022 18:55

I'm always ready to jump to the defence of HVs as some mums do seem to immediately get on the defensive with them - but I'm really struggling with what her problem was. I'm glad you called the office.

Genuinely though, your menu for the kids sounds better than a lot of weekly adult menus. I'm sorry she upset you so much.

Crunchingleaf · 11/10/2022 18:56

Your menu makes what my baby eat look terrible

I don’t know anyone who gives small kids two hot meals a day.
Is your HV aware some kids are supposed to be on the lower percentiles as it’s their natural built/genetics.

Grrrrdarling · 11/10/2022 18:56

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

Sounds fine, wish my child would eat such a varied diet. I would add more fruit & veg.

Your little one was little to start with so may never be a big child. Mine has always bucked the trend in growth since she was 1yr old has grown way above the norms so now at 10 she is in 13/14 & 14/15yr old clothes. Not because she is overweight but because she is long legged & tall!

My LG has cereal or gluten free breakfast bar for breakfast with half a pint of milk or not from concentrate juice. She has whatever she chooses for school lunch & although I encourage her to have a hot lunch she doesn’t always like what is on offer so will have a sandwich with something off the salad bar.
I have CFS & fibro so at home we have simple easy to cook meals during the week… McDonalds maybe once fortnight, pasta bakes, sausage, eggs & mash/chips, fried eggs on crumpets or in a sandwich, chicken potatoes & veg, possibly take away fish & chips with mushy peas - we half a portion between us - on a Friday, sandwich with crisps or low sugar popcorn. Fruit & veg wise she has a mini cucumber, large banana, half a mango, a portion of strawberries, probiotic yogurt drink & a frube every evening either once she gets home or after dinner.
On a weekend my partner stays over so we’ll either have a take away, Chinese/pizza/Indian on the Saturday night or he’ll cook spaghetti bolognese, chilli con-carne, chicken/beef stir fry & on a Sunday we have a full English at about 10.30/11am & child will have her fruit for breakfast. Dinner is often a toasty or cereal on a Sunday night as I am worn out & in pain.

JT1967 · 11/10/2022 18:57

I’m massively impressed that you do a meal plan - it shows you’re thinking about what to feed your children, and what a varied, interesting diet they have. I’m a teacher and we sometimes do food diaries for science and believe me, not many are as nutritious as that.
what was the HV thinking at all?! Go you!

DameHelena · 11/10/2022 18:58

I would add more fruit & veg. The OP says 'fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg.'

Cece92 · 11/10/2022 18:59

Honestly take no notice of her! What you've posted is absolutely more than okay! My DD 9 is an absolute gannet for food I call her a bucket all the time. She has 2 breakfasts snack lunch snack then comes home has a mini meal and genuinely eats 2 dinners and a supper all
Between 4pm -8 aswell as helping herself to chicken cucumber peppers etc from the fridge. Your kids seem to have a great varied diet! Don't let her put you down xxx

theonlygirl · 11/10/2022 19:02

I've no idea if you are legally required to have HV in your home as both mine were born outside the UK but honestly, I would very firmly be telling them not to bother you ever again. Her tone and advice are disgusting. Your food on the other hand sounds delicious. As others have said, I'd have been delighted if mine ate like that, or if I was able to conjure up such lovely meals.

restingbitchface30 · 11/10/2022 19:04

There is zero wrong with that food. Your HV is a cow bag. School meals are atrocious yet these people think they can be arseholes about what we prep for our kids!

mandlerparr · 11/10/2022 19:05

Sounds like someone who thinks all meals should be full of bread and potatoes and that all young children should be a bit round to be healthy. The sort of person who thinks crackers, meat and cheese is not a meal but that a meat and cheese sandwich is when they are essentially the same thing. I had the same problem with my older family members with portion sizes. Always telling me that I wasn't giving enough because I only put a small spoon of each food on the kid's plates at holidays. The kids could come and tell if they wanted more and what they wanted more of.

Doowop1919 · 11/10/2022 19:06

Sounds good to me. HV has a screw loose.

Filleto · 11/10/2022 19:06

Joanbull · 11/10/2022 17:57

Sadly being a HV does not mean you are not ignorant, and many ignorant people associate any foreign food eg "schwarma" "taco" "dhaal" "pizza" with being unhealthy takeways because that's the only form they've ever known them in.

This was my thought too

Lulibee · 11/10/2022 19:06

Ignore her. You are giving them a very wide variety of interesting and tasty meals. She surely must see a lot worse. And cooking two meals a day would not be usual unless it’s a light lunch of eggs or soup.

Jojoe29 · 11/10/2022 19:07

What an awful thing to say to you. I’d put a complaint in.. your children are being fed decent food, how dare she make you feel inadequate.
Some children get nothing, through no fault of their own.
I hope at the very least you get a full apology. She wouldn’t be stepping foot in my house again

mussymummy · 11/10/2022 19:07

I hope all these lovely supportive messages have given you confidence and reassurance that you are very much doing the right thing food wise by your kids. Nutritional balanced diet. You are doing good mum x

Annierob · 11/10/2022 19:08

Sounds a wonderful menu. Pay no attention to HV.

Onceuponaheartache · 11/10/2022 19:09

You HV is a twat.

That menu is amazing and far healthier than my dd eats...mind courtesy of poorly thought out comments from medical professionals she only eats chicken nuggets, sausages and pate sandwiches

butterpuffed · 11/10/2022 19:12

I showed your menu to my son, he's a Head Chef . He said the meals were nutritious , varied and healthy .