Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Please or to access all these features

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Wibbly1008 · 11/10/2022 18:13

I have found them inexperienced and unrealistic. Who has time to cook three huge meals everyday? Ridiculous. Your menu is far more elaborate than mine!

Jojojojojowhat · 11/10/2022 18:14

Sounds better than good! Seriously ignore and move on.

Maryminx · 11/10/2022 18:15

Your menu sounds good, very healthy. I guess the kids also have some fruit every day.
I am a health professional and would make an official complaint to this Health visitor’s superiors! This type of behaviour could really make a mum seriously depressed.
no one needs two cooked meals a day!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Mythreefavouritethings · 11/10/2022 18:17

Did she arrive on a bicycle, waving a cheery good morning to the milkman, postman, and district nurse? Is it 1957 again? Roasts for lunch?? I’m sorry, she’s either a time traveller or downright rude and in the wrong job. By the way, I’ll be pinching some meal tips, you’re doing great

Itstheimplication · 11/10/2022 18:17

god knows what she would say about mine that who has refused every vegetable for the last month, only wants to eat biscuits and cereal.

our typical day is:
homemade banana pancakes with fruit or jam on toast or yogurt, porridge or overnight oats or cereal

lunch- pretty terrible as he’s a grazer will refuse a full meal unless at nursery so ends up having a sandwich and snacky bits with some fruit if I’m lucky

dinner varies between pasta and veg (veg untouched) homemade chicken curry and veg, spag bol, chicken wraps, fishfingers and waffle with veg, salmon and mash and veg, occasional roast dinner, lasagne with garlic bread and wraps, but he goes through phases and will often refuse a meal he’s loved before

i know his diet could be better but I also know we are in a phase at the moment and it won’t last. His diet is nowhere near as good as your DC’s and if a HV made those comments to me I’d tell them to get to fuck to be honest

ShoeJunkie · 11/10/2022 18:19

My two would mutiny if I tried to feed them a hot meal at lunchtime - lunchtime is for sandwiches in their world.

The HV is on another planet.

sumayyah · 11/10/2022 18:20

I've a friend who feeds her children including toddlers on ready meals and takeaways and her health visitor has been a heck of a lot nicer than yours

Apsolutely nothing wrong with the menu you've put up. Plenty of variety, sounds like a good amount of fruit and vegetables in there

I've two children, one with a very restricted diet and neither of them would touch a roast or shepherds pie, your health visitor is being rediculous

Skodacool · 11/10/2022 18:22

If they do try to dismiss your complaint then put in writing what you’ve described here and insist that they deal with it in writing through their proper complaints procedure.

whynotwhatknot · 11/10/2022 18:24

you eat better than me-she clearly didnt understand anything you cooked so decided it was junk

silly cow

runsforsanity · 11/10/2022 18:25

Wow 😮 I’m glad she isn’t visiting my house 🫣. Your menu looks amazing tbh, I’d definitely make a complaint! They are there to guide and support not to make you feel like sh1t.

DanceItOut · 11/10/2022 18:26

I would complain if I were you. She was rude and very narrow minded. I don’t see nutritionally how it makes much difference whether it’s a “white British” kind of meal like shepherds pie or a more Asian inspired meal. If it have carbs, veg, meat/protein and isn’t smothered in sugar/fat then what’s the difference? As long as it’s varied. Which yours sounds like it is. My son ate anything and everything and still does and was on the 2nd percentile until he hit age 11 and then suddenly started piling on muscle. He is still a very slim teenage lad but now proudly wanders around with a six pack despite the fact he can happily eat watermelon as a snack one day or doughnuts the next. As long as your children are active, getting plenty of fruit and veg, not overly tired or prone to illness and happy that’s all that matters. The world does not all eat roast dinner fish pie etc and funnily enough other countries are also capable of having perfectly healthy children, this health visitor needs to keep her outdated opinions to herself.

FoodologistGirl · 11/10/2022 18:27

Your menu sounds delicious, maybe the HV isn’t used to such an interesting menu. Probably a boring meat and two veg type person. Your cooking sound far more delicious that the usual fish fingers, chips and peas some of my daughters friends only ate.

GUARDIAN1 · 11/10/2022 18:28

Sounds like a brilliant menu to me. Ignore the health visitor. They aren't always all that. I used to refer to mine as the Baby Police. You're doing a great job mamma. Crack on.

Wonderfulstuff · 11/10/2022 18:31

Avocado pinwheels? Your kids are eating fine.

Some HV are brill, some are terrible. One friend of mine got told to feed her 1yo more steamed puddings and custard. In 2020. Another friend got told that steamed broccoli was a good pushchair snack (it's not).

Keep on doing what you're doing... in a few weeks you'll laugh about it with friends.

Kodi1981 · 11/10/2022 18:32

Hi ignore you health visitor they are your kids and you feed them what you want and what you can afford don't feel bad my health visitor was the same I just ignored her did my own thing most of them don't have kids so they can't judge you stay happy keep doing what your doing 😉

NC12345665 · 11/10/2022 18:35

OldFan · 10/10/2022 23:12

I think you could put more fats, carbs and protein in it. Some of it seems like diet food, with the emphasis on fruits and veg (which are great but if you want to build them up then veg/fruit shouldn't make up the majority of the meal or snack, but instead be an accompaniment or added extra.)

Have you ever considered a career as a Health Visitor? You sound like peas in a pod with the HV that visited the OP.

DeeDoyle · 11/10/2022 18:35

The absolute cheek of her,nothing at all wrong with that. You are doing great!! X

NoNamesLeft234678 · 11/10/2022 18:37

We recently had an appointment with someone the health visitor sent because my 1 year old is taking his time to be really interested in solids. He will eat baby snacks and we were told to stop giving them to him and to not give him the things he likes or he will wait for them and not try anything else. Also, that he needs to try something 14 times before he can decides if he likes it. I asked some questions to clarify and she basically confirmed that she meant I should put some broccoli on his tray and let him just look at it and cry instead of offering him some pineapple and carrot puffs which I know he would eat... He's had some fish fingers today and he liked them so I guess he can't have them anymore? 🤷‍♀️🙈

grownuplefthome · 11/10/2022 18:38

Can I come and live at your house please, what a lovely menu x keep at it girl, I once had a HV try to tell me I was breastfeeding wrongly, and she didn’t even have children! You know by instinct if your children are thriving x

PocketRocket12 · 11/10/2022 18:41

You are an amazing mum! So glad you said something and I’m sorry if the don’t actually act on your feedback.

Your menus look amazing!!

It if gives any context, my little one was fed a very similar diet when he was little and would eat it all…. He’s now two and has spent two weeks refusing to eat anything other than bananas and toast. We are all just doing our best 😂😂😂

Schnooze · 11/10/2022 18:42

I’d be quite proud producing that menu too.

Hagpie · 11/10/2022 18:43

I never liked my HV because she fat-shamed my baby! She accused me of giving her too many sweets or chips when she had never so much as had a crumb of a biscuit at that point, she was just a bigger girl. She suggest I cut her portions but I think that anyone who lets a baby go hungry because of their appearance needs their head looking at.

My work schedule means I can cook twice a day to get their 8 a day in and you know what? I’m not bloody going to! I used to and oh my gosh the expectation, the washing up, the stress… it was just too much and so I choose peace… and sandwiches.

Nanalisa60 · 11/10/2022 18:43

Just ignore, you are doing a great job

Mfsf · 11/10/2022 18:44

Call the main office and ask to speak with the manager . She should shut up and mind her own business. That’s healthy and really good choices !

jtaeapa · 11/10/2022 18:46

Nothing to do with food.
everything to do with bullying.

she clearly enjoys making people feel shitty. What an appalling job for her to have found her way into - private access mums of young kids striving to do the right thing, worried about doing it wrong.

one of life’s nasty bullies.
a bully will seize anything, including race.

Swipe left for the next trending thread