Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

[Myohmymy]

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
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my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

I think the HV may have joined us with the diet food post.

She sounds like an old school British grandma who thinks curry and schwarma are only ever takeaways, not that entire cultures actually eat this food🤣, she's an idiot.

A fruit and veg are not diet food.

Yogurt isn’t diet food.

They are vitally important parts of any meal

Are you my friend who doesn’t eat veg because she isn’t on a diet.

OP i would feel shaken . You clearly put lots of hard work in to your meals - you should be PROUD

I was prepared to read a junky menu but this is really fine! You are doing fine. Honestly, they were out of line to criticise.

It sounds like she doesn't believe the meal plan is genuine. Did she seem like she didn't believe you?

I never had a HV but from MN then seem like an absolute bloody burden. Uneducated, ignorant idiots who just upset and stress out new mums with ridiculous complaints that are never even an issue! I don’t know what their problem is. I’m normally a right dick about food and get yelled at on MN regularly on posts like this for being a bit too honest and maybe saying some things ARE a bit shit or unhealthy. But honestly, your menu looks lovely! It looks varied and healthy and interesting. Tell her not to bother coming over again.

Good thing your Health Visitor never came to my house when DD2 was at the height of her fussy eater phase! She'd have kneeled over.

Your menus are lovely and varied. Your Health Visitor is stupid. Ignore her ridiculous "advice" and consider putting in a formal complaint.

She sounds unhinged, she clearly didn't know what half the food was and assumed anything "different" is unhealthy because she doesn't cook it at home so no one else could either.

I think you need to feed this back. Email them including your menu plan, detail what she said and ask them to clarify exactly what is wrong with your menu and ask if she perhaps needs some training.

She sounds like she has no clue about nutrition and certainly no understanding that not everyone is the same. She needs to be taught manners, healthy eating and cultural sensitivity.

She needs to be taught manners, healthy eating and cultural sensitivity.

Absolutely agree with this!

I would definitely complain. Her approach is bordering on dangerous, especially for any mums she might encounter who are struggling with anxiety or lack of confidence.

A chop and peas is a perfectly good dinner for a child, according to an article I read by a children's dietician.

I've just realised what's with the fake away comment. She will hasn't read in Chat magazine how to cook yourself a takeaway at home to save money and some of the words are the same :(

have

I've only read half the responses so apologies if it has already been said, but never mind getting yourself a cookbook, could you write one please and send us all the link?! Your menu looks amazing.

Sounds delicious to me! Some HVs don't know what they're talking about. I would put in a complaint

Your menu is homemade, creative, varied and nutritious!
it can be hard to think of ideas for kids meals but you’re doing great, ignore HV, at the end of the day every HV is just a person like you and me with their own opinions on things, clearly she is harsh, rude and uppity. Take no notice whatsoever.

also, I work in a nursery so I know lots of children who are very fussy eaters who have diets that aren’t even half this varied or nutritional and they still do fine so honestly keep going as you are.

Also agree with what others have said, make a complaint because her attitude isn’t in any way encouraging or supporting.

Morning all! Thanks for your comments! Most of my food is slow cooker/ 30 mins on the hob sort of stuff, probably the reason that shepherds pie doesn’t play too much of a role, too much like hard work haha (that and I don’t like it)

ive given the HV office a call and managed to speak to the manager/snr hv about some concerns I had following a visit. I reiterated some of the comments here and ‘advice’ given and she said she would speak to the HV that came around as she was sure it was a misunderstanding, that irked me a bit because, I’m not sure how exactly I could have misunderstood what she said, I made that clear. I feel like they are already preparing to sweep it under the carpet as oh you must have misunderstood or read into it too much but let’s see.

the more I think about it I’m wondering if thought like the PP who thought it was diet food interspersed with takeaways hence the the can you cook pasta comment.

Your list of foods/meals looks divine OP! I wish the food I produced were so varied and delicious-sounding! I think you're doing brilliantly. I despise HVs and others who throw their weight around and make people feel small, when they have zero right to. I'm so glad you made a complaint, she sounds awful.

Sadly being a HV does not mean you are not ignorant, and many ignorant people associate any foreign food eg "schwarma" "taco" "dhaal" "pizza" with being unhealthy takeways because that's the only form they've ever known them in.

Hv sounds a n*b. You're doing great OP

I hope all the comments have helped ur confidence rise. Don’t let a negative event affect ur approach to the wonderful food u lovingly make for ur family.

I think she has been ridiculous! You are doing a good job with the food! And she should have clarified what you meant and not made assumptions!

Your food sounds varied, tasty and very sophisticated!
She's a twunt. They don't need two full cooked meals a day, and while I like roasts, shepherd's pie etc, they are a bit old-fashioned, and only two of many nice options.

As for ‘so do you always, gravitate towards the easy option?’, I'd have shown her the door for that comment.
I'd call the office back and say you don't want to see her again.

And can I come for dinner?

Wow, that looks like an amazing menu. I wouldn't worry. My kids were quite fussy and would never eat lovely food like that and they didn't have two cooked meals a day. I would ignore don't see any problems with the menu.