Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

[Myohmymy]

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

Christ I was expecting nuggets/pizza and sausages & mash from your post 😂😂😂 sounds great to me, I think your HV is insane. You should put in a complaint! What on earth would she say to someone who thinks Pizza & garlic bread is fine on a Friday???!! Honestly your meals are varied and lots of different stuff. She sounds nuts xxx

Op you do realise HV is an optional service. I would honestly opt out , she isn't helping you at all. Everything they look for at the two year check is online.

I'm totally stumped. Your menu sounds amazing! Healthy, varied and introducing them to so many tastes and textures. I really hope I can put something like that together when my LO starts solids

Same here, l want to go for food!

The 1950’s have called and want your HV back. Hot lunch AND dinner? It seems excessive. Even at the weekend in the winter we rarely do this. At a push we might have soup and a roll for lunch, then a cooked dinner. Or brunch (eggs, bacon / sausages, mushrooms, tomatoes etc) and a hot cooked dinner.

What's wrong with a "fakeaway" anyway? Most meals you could order from somewhere on Deliveroo.

We had pasta bolognese tonight. I made it, we didn't get it from Coco di Mama. The other night we had chicken satay - I made it, we didn't get it from the Chinese. Another night we had cauliflower dahl and flatbreads - I made it, we didn't order it in from The Taj.

All careful portions, loads of veg - I'm on a diet, steadily losing weight on WW and these all fit with the diet whilst being pretty enjoyable for everyone else too. HV is crazy.

I think you should definitely complain. The 'takeaway/fakeaway remark was probably because she didn't recognise your menu. Her remarks suggest she thinks your children should have traditional 'British' food. Unconscious Bias?

I think you could put more fats, carbs and protein in it. Some of it seems like diet food, with the emphasis on fruits and veg (which are great but if you want to build them up then veg/fruit shouldn't make up the majority of the meal or snack, but instead be an accompaniment or added extra.)

She's being a right cow with the fake away remark. She shouldn't be on the loose among vulnerable new mums, please complain.

Wtf?

She is racist.

I am guessing that your heritage/food experience is not her UK standard "meat with veg and spuds". So you eat what you know you like and know how to cook. Whereas a thicket like her will see those meals and because she doesnt cook them regularly will see "foreign = takeaway".

I would contact the HV service and a) ask for this person to be re-educated on her view of ethnic food (really push that how her views of "good food" have made you feel) and b)tell them you wish to decline their service (yes you can do this, even though they will try to tell you that you cant, even threatening that they "may" have to report you to SS if they have concerns. That is bull shit)

Sorry, but once again, wtaf?

Did you read OP’s menu @OldFan ?

What part of this is ‘diet food’ (whatever that is)?

*breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.*

Haven’t read all the pages of the thread, but agree with other posters HV sounds like a racist old bat. Your meals sound delicious 😋

Mine wouldn’t eat 2 full dinners even now as adults let alone as children.
Dd lived off breast milk and milky ways till she was 3.
I paid for lunch at nursery for a long time and she sat there chatting to her friends ignoring the sandwich in-front of her.
i think the nursery thought I was making it up that when I said she wasn’t interested in food.
I was lucky if I managed to get them to sit down for long enough to actually eat anything.
I used to make 3 quorn nuggets a few oven chips and brocolli or cauliflower so they they could at least hold a nugget or chip or floret whilst they were running around and would stop to eat what ever was in their hand when they stopped running

Most of the time it would end up on the floor or in the garden and the dog would eat it.

Health visitors are either amazing wonderful supportive angels or complete utter Judy twats. There is no in-between. I don't know why. So strange.

My second child jumped from the 20th to 90th centiles in a month when she was a 3 months old.

HV1 berated me for allowing my baby to become obese and told me to put my breastfed baby on a diet.

HV2 was thrilled, and told HV1 to drop it, because she knew about the complex allergies we were trying to pinpoint, tongue tie, breastfeeding struggles rapid birth weight loss, jaundice etc in the early days. (HV1 would have known too if she'd bothered to look in the red book)

I was so pleased they were on shift together and I'd gone to the clinic, cause if HV1 had rocked up to my house and said all that I think I'd have broke down.

Good grief I can’t see what on earth her problem was with that. She’s being quite ridiculous. Please don’t take it to heart. There’s many young children who aren’t offered such a varied diet and many who are, who will shun a varied diet when offered just because they’re little kids and little kids can be notoriously faddy and limited in what they’ll eat. Sorry you felt rubbish after her visit. I dread to think what she considers a good diet if your menu is deemed not up to scratch

Judgy not Judy. Nowt against Judy.

wow....well, I am a qualified nurse, a mother of three adults and grandma of three children. I worked as a childrens nurse as well as adult nurse and my own speciality was nutrition which I studied pre nursing. Your diet is absolutely fine. I honestly thought it was going to be all fast food from your build up. Roasts are not particularly healthy food in any case and children do not require three cooked meals a day. Most kids have any one of cereal/toast/eggs/yoghurt for breakfast and packed lunches with a cooked tea or supper. Your children are not fat, they sound like they are doing fine with development too. I would consider having a word with my GP if you are ever able to have a word with one! But please dont be put off. Ive seen children thrive on truly poor diets....and yours is actually a very good diet and with plenty of choice. Make sure they eat a good selection of veg/fruit and job done. Well done you....and boo sucks to the HV!!!!

Amazing menu!
My DS ate nothing much until he was a year old and after that it was only sausages, chips and beans plus fruit. Generally I’ve blocked those years out, but just to make you laugh I will tell you I managed to burn dinner in the slow cooker.

Yes, like shepherd's pie and pasta?!?
Are you the HV?

Fuck me she better not come to my house, your like Gordon Ramsey compare to me 🤣🤣

The menu sounds fine. Ignore her.

Probably written by someone who cant lose weight and doesnt understand why.

Your menu is lovely and your HV is crazy.

I'd carry on as you are. You are doing great. I wasn't feeding my kids this well (although it wasn't poorly either) and making this much from scratch and no HV told me I was doing it wrong. Some of these HVs take the biscuit. Where do they find them?

oh dear.....fruit and veg should be a major part of the diet....I think you mean reducing diet when you say 'diet food' ? Children should have limited saturated fats, so any fat they have should come from the meat/fish/dairy they eat, avoiding deep fried and fried foods as much as possible. Carbs from your bread in sandwiches or French Toast...potatoes/rice or pasta. Many children make strong healthy adults on vegetarian diets, so meat, fish and dairy arent essential.

Your health visitor is a prick, like the majority of them seem to be. You can decline any more visits if you want; I did.