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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
Eeksteek · 10/10/2022 21:41

DanglingMod · 10/10/2022 18:18

Bloody nuts. Does she perhaps not know what some of those things are ? 😉

I wonder if that’s it? She’s only come across them as a takeaway, and without veg, etc. It does sound as if she could do with a bit of diversity training. I bet there isn’t a shred of evidence children two cooked meals a day. They don’t get two at nursery!

Anyway, she’s wrong. And she better not see what my kid eats! If that’s even mostly home made it’s awesome. I’d report her. That’s unfair.

Mummyof287 · 10/10/2022 21:43

She sounds horrible....completely incorrect as your diet sounds very healthy with lots of care and thought put into the meals.I would love to see what the silly woman made of my children's menus, which are loads more processed and convenience foods than yours.She has no clue and no reason to be saying such things....I hate to say it as we shouldn't have to in this day and age, but do you think she is racist?

Whatever the cause, definitely make a complaint, her comments are unfounded and inaccurate! You sound like a lovely mummy xxx

Softplayhooray · 10/10/2022 21:43

You sound like Jamie bloody Oliver to me. I didn't do as good a job as that!! What the hell is wrong with her? Put in a complaint, seriously, she must've been being bitchy or facetious or something. She isn't making any sense.

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Coconut212 · 10/10/2022 21:45

Sounds good to me when can I come for dinner? So what she means is you don’t have traditional English food. Your kids enjoy a varied diet, would she say to a Indian or Italian family that their traditional meals are fakeaways

jellybe · 10/10/2022 21:45

Looks great too me. Wish my kids would eat sucks a range of foods.

user1471538283 · 10/10/2022 21:47

It sounds great! I was small for my age and I ate very well on traditional meals. Some children (and people) are smaller than average.

I would complain. I've known HVs that havent got a clue and she has scared you.

You are doing a great job!

Notateacheranymore · 10/10/2022 21:47

The idea that anyone NEEDS two cooked meals - lunch and dinner - per day is utter bollocks. A mate of mine goes on and on and on about getting “a hot meal in their belly” in the winter.

Sure, a nice to have, and good for a Friday treat or something, but otherwise, nah!!!

a1poshpaws · 10/10/2022 21:50

YesItIsI · 10/10/2022 18:23

That menu looks great.

Sooo forgive me for possibly jumping to conclusions but your menu has a lot of "world foods" I guess. So not "English" meals of shepherds pie etc. She refers to them as fakeaways possibly because she doesnt eat much outside of English cuisine? you mention not eating pork? Is there a racial element to her thinking?
😐

The rather sad thought that she was a racist, and therefore felt honour bound to find fault, immediately occurred to me too as soon as I read the incredible food you make for family, OP.

Whether she is or isn't, if I was in your place I would be writing a formal complaint right now. And I'd skip the "chain of command" and send it directly to the head of her department. (You should be able to find who that is via either your GP surgery or a Google search.)

I'm spitting mad on your behalf!

Floralnomad · 10/10/2022 21:50

Well she’s obviously an idiot so ignore her . Tell whoever organises HVs that she is not welcome in your home anymore so if they want your children seen then they need to send someone else .

InCheesusWeTrust · 10/10/2022 21:50

Tbf to that shepherd's pie we are all slating, it can be really nice😁

thelastgreatdynasty · 10/10/2022 21:50

I definitely want to come for dinner

CousinTime · 10/10/2022 21:51

looks a lovely menu @Myohmymy
Some people are so stuck in the past that a nutritionally beige hot meal equals healthy, or sandwiches are better than say a veg stir fry or salad and your breakfasts sounds amazing.

Walkaround · 10/10/2022 21:56

What’s someone like that a HV for? She appears to lack the skills and knowledge required for the role!

Skodacool · 10/10/2022 21:59

ColourMeExhausted · 10/10/2022 21:24

Pretty sure I'm echoing everyone here but...put that complaint is. She is unhinged. Your menu sounds lovely and so much better than what I could ever manage! Worried she will keep doing this and her behaviour will push someone who is already struggling over the edge.

I agree. OP should demand that this hv explains exactly what she means by junk food.

FruHagen · 10/10/2022 22:00

Just joining the 300 plus people to tell you it sounds lush, tasty, varied and healthy. You're doing a great job.

Was she confused or had she just been on a bloody training course?

justasking111 · 10/10/2022 22:03

Do you do outside catering those dishes sound delicious and healthy

SchoolQuestionnaire · 10/10/2022 22:07

Can you be my mum please?!

Nothing at all wrong with your food choices, I would definitely make a complaint?

frugalkitty · 10/10/2022 22:10

Sounds good to me. The best advice I had at this stage was not to get hung up on what a child eats on any one day, or even two or three...take a view across a fortnight and that will give you a better idea of how good their diet is overall. Plus, when they're teenagers eating literally everything in sight, you'll look back and wonder what the fuss is about.

worriedatthistime · 10/10/2022 22:11

Looks varied and ok
Think I would of told her go mind her own business
At 3.5 my edest ate only beige food due to food avoidance luckily drs etc were always supportive and never judgemental

mommatoone · 10/10/2022 22:11

Good lord, is your Hv a Michelin chef'l! Your doing amazing!!

ICanHideButICantRun · 10/10/2022 22:20

I'd take a photo of your menu board and write a complaint about her.

Mulhollandmagoo · 10/10/2022 22:24

I said I’m limited time wise, a lot of my meals I make in the slow cooker, to which she replied ‘so do you always, gravitate towards the easy option?’

😲 This is awful!!! You cook your children lovely healthy meals, and just because you use a slow cooker doesn't make it an easy option, it's just the savvy option.

As others have said, your meal plan sounds brilliant, your children really do not need a cottage pie for lunch! My daughter wouldn't touch that for lunch (or dinner in fact 🤦‍♀️ she's a terrible eater)

Yourhamsterisnonbinary · 10/10/2022 22:26

Sounds fine. Your kids eat more than I eat in a day!

superplumb · 10/10/2022 22:29

Hv sounds awful. My son was 5th percentile and is still skinny at 8. Some kids are naturally smaller. I remember my old hv moaning at me that I had the tv on. My son was about 8 weeks old at the time. She believed i should only have the radio on. Some really are on another planet ( or decade). Your meals sou ds lovely. I wish my kids would eat that. They're still both very fussy.

Idratherbepaddleboarding · 10/10/2022 22:32

That’s so weird, your food sounds perfect and not at all junk or “fakeaways”.