Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

[Myohmymy]

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
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my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

Ignore. There is always one. Your doing fine and your DC sound like they are thriving. Just carry on doing what your doing

I think she got a vibe that you were pleased with it and felt the need to cut you down. Some people are like that. Make a complaint though because the next person she does it to could be vulnerable.

OP you're doing way better than most! Reading this makes me value the HV who told me fish fingers got a bad press, this when tearing my hair out with DS going through an inordinately fussy phase! Both my DC are super eaters now 😊

It sounds like she favours more traditional meals such as meat and two veg and doesn't possibly understand some of your meals That's obviously her problem so I'd ignore her.

Well you'd think she would have but you said you were white British so in her small head you should be cooking white British food. The fact you are in a mix race relationship probably hasn't entered her head.

But it does make you wonder what triggered the visit?

I've had one triggered before because someone flagged they were worried about my MH.
My LO was in hospital, meanwhile it was hitting home my Dad was coming to the end. So normal stress and stuff.

Your menu is brilliant OP, I think any parent would be chuffed if their kids ate such a variety of food.
I think you should ditch the HV, your kids are thriving, they get a balanced diet, no need for this unwelcome interference.

Thank you so much for the link, I've saved it to my recipes 😊

@Myohmymy I will 100% be making these with next weeks shop, thank you for all the details, that's so great. I hope this gets me and my dc out of our very beige and very boring mealtimes. You can tell your HV there'll be another terrible mum taking the easy option of lovingly preparing a healthy and nutrionally balanced meal from scratch.

Ignore the HV and continue being a great mum 🥰

When my children were growing up I worked full time and I put far less effort into meals than you appear to do. One of mine never made it above the tenth percentile for weight until he was in primary school! They are now grown, healthy and successful adults. Bin her advice — it’s rubbish.

Your meals sound lovely. Your HV is an idiot. Ignore ignore ignore. It's a long time ago now but mine berated me for DD1's small size when she was around a year old. Neither DH nor I are tall. DD is now 23 years old, wears size 6 clothes if not child's stuff and is just around 5 feet tall. She is however, strong & muscly and has rowed for her Cambridge college. DD is just petite, but what she lacks in size, she makes up for in intelligence. Your HV is probably on a power trip.

Well I wasn’t sent an appointment letter at 8 months for the 12 month development check, when dc2 would have been 8.5 months, so I called to cancel and was told I’d be placed back into allocation closer to the time, got a call and asked if they could come around a few days ago, because they don’t have any clinic appointments. Same sort of thing happened with weigh ins until I said, I’ll buy some baby scales and get in contact if I have concerns

I'm a HV and I think your menu is great. It's varied which is exactly what children need especially toddlers who are weaning to prevent future fussy eating. Just the fact that you make a menu weekly shows good parental responsibility and routines. You're doing a fab job!

I think your food sounds lovely! And still varied, your kids are getting enough proteins , dairy & fruit and veg.

All sounds great to me. Much better than the food my kids eat and no health visitor ever raised a concern.

You need to pretty much ignore what some health visitors say. My last one told me that I couldn't eat curry if I was was breastfeeding because it would give me spicy milk. I asked another for some weaning advice as I was concerned about balancing nutrition and particularly limiting salt. She told me to give him a white bread and ham sandwich and a bag of wotsits. I pointed out that those would be a high salt meal and she seemed baffled.

Just ignore.

Please don't take it to heart. Your meals are perfect. Lots of variety, balance and colour. I'm really impressed at the range of food your children eat. My DD1 was great, but DD2 at age 3.5 would happily have lived on bread and butter, bananas and cheese. Obviously I didn't let her, but getting her to eat well took YEARS.

Telling you to get a cookbook is just patronising, and commenting on your preschooler's size is out of order, especially if she was born small! 25th centile is hardly anything to worry about is it?!

She'd be calling social services if he saw what my now 6yo eats. I wish he ate as well and varied as your dc do! 😩

That's a cracking menu op. I'd be delighted if my family ate half of that!

Ignore.

Pretty sure I'm echoing everyone here but...put that complaint is. She is unhinged. Your menu sounds lovely and so much better than what I could ever manage! Worried she will keep doing this and her behaviour will push someone who is already struggling over the edge.

I wondered if the HV was racist as fuck, too.

I didn't bother much with HVs with my second. Think I just went until DD2 was 3 or 4 months then just for any necessary jabs and developmental checks at the GP surgery. I honestly wouldn't bother with them any more and just see a GP if you have an issue now.

But it's not even about time or 'making more than that'

what 'more' do you think should be on her menu?

where do you think 'more time' would help?

Far too much time hanging around on MN has led me to believe there’s a small number of HVs who don’t really understand how centile charts work.

If she’s eating a varied diet, loves veg, is within the normal range for her age and is growing you’re doing well. You’d be mad to mess with that on the word of a HV who things she looks ‘small’.

what you feed them is excellent varied and healthy too- They are lucky to have a lovely mummy who feeds them well! I think the health visitor must be 95 and lives on stew and dumplings?! Give yourself a Pat on the back

This was my thought too.

I mean Shepard’s pie… are we in 1950? 🤣

There's nothing wrong with your menu.

I would ask that the HV not return to your home. If pressed as to 'why', explain as you have here.