Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

[Myohmymy]

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
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my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

... She doesn't know what half that food is.
... She's got a pretty limited experience of food herself.
...She thinks takeaways aren't real food - takeaways are fast, tasty version of... actual food. If you cook them at home, they are... actual food! (And you confounded and bamboozled her by using the words 'fish and chips' and 'pizza' when what you're actually referring to bears next to no resemblance to takeaway fish and chips or pizza).

I'd feed kids shepherds pie, though my shepherds pie is probably the least healthy thing I make, as there is so much cheese and butter in the mash its almost RUNNY... (and i put onions, veg, chilli powder, paprika, tomato and garlic into the meat so it has a flavour beyond 'meat and onion')... it is filth and we eat it once a month if that as a result! :D Yummy.. filth.

She'd be happy with that though as she'd have nooooooo idea that someone who can cook can tweak recipes to their own tastes!

Ignore her, she's a twat.

Your menu is lovely. Very varied. Your HV is crazy. Kids just need to be offered a variety and they will eat to their appetite. No need for two cooked meals a day either.

I wonder if you were first people cooking "foreign food" she encountered or if she is just thick.
It's normal in lots of countries for kids to eat same as parents, including in restaurants, just small portions of normal food. My friend's kids eat mussels from very young age for example because parents did. We all eat various stuff from the beginning because no one would cook different dinners. In restaurants you got half portions for kids, not separate menus.

So yeah, I really really wonder what did she say to people who feed their kids like that before and how did it not yet struck her that maybe the food isn't the problem but she is🙈

Just here to also say she is bonkers and I agree that she probably doesn't know what some of the meals are/how to cook them and is only thinking of them in takeaway terms. I do think you should complain if you feel up to it, someone with such limited and narrow knowledge of food shouldn't be allowed to judge others in a professional setting. Keep doing what you are doing and enjoy your dinner!

How nuts! I'm very fussy about food and this is way better than I manage. Seriously

Please don’t worry about having a small child either. I love the pp’s comment about Shetland ponies having Shetland ponies!

My eldest is currently on the 0.4th. He was born on the 2nd, and tracked the second to 4, when he dropped to 0.4 when the chart data shifted. And there he has stayed ever since. I used to worry terribly and take him for weigh ins religiously, where a truly lovely health visitor would, every time, look all not quite 8 stone, 5 ft 2 and a half me up and down and gently ask me what I was expecting. When he started school I also decided to pre-empt the letter that I knew I would get following his year R weigh in by visiting the GP, who again, looked at me, asked about his dad (whose mum used to feed him protein shakes as a child to try to make him put on weight), and again, asked me what exactly I was expecting.

If I were you I really would make a complaint. She has the potential to do a lot of damage with such ill informed comments. As the GP said to me, you can’t make a child grow beyond what they are genetically programmed to do, but you can make them fat.

I'm incredibly impressed by the effort you put in to that menu, and don't understand what the HV's problem is.

It doesn't sound as if you need a cookbook - perhaps you should put your own together - but did she suggest a specific book? Just curious.

That sounds healthier than I imagine 80% of UK children get fed (Inc my own!) Ignore stupid and ignorant HV.

She is clearly nuts and your children are most certainly getting above average meals. My 3yo has fluctuated between the 9th and 25th and no-one has ever cared. It is completely normal especially if you’re petite. Said 3yo is incredibly fussy (other than when she’s at nursery and supposedly eats everything…). If she ate your menu I’d be overjoyed.

neither of my children have ever eaten well for 3 meals. They’ll eat well for 2 and generally pick the third or just want something a bit lighter.

Your HV would faint if she saw what we eat.

That being said so far I’ve managed to deal with every shitty HV comment by sweetly suggesting they take it up with my rather blunt and impatient doctor of a husband 😀that seems to clear up all their concerns instantly.

I think some HV’s just really like to lord their expertise and enjoy making mums feel inadequate. It’s shit.

your menu is lush, mine is half full of potato waffles and frozen stuff with some fruit/veg Thrown in for good measure! Your menu is the kind of menu I aspire to.

I’m a dietitian, sounds like a perfectly varied any yummy diet. You have very lucky children !

Looks absolutely perfect to me. Spot on. Puts mine to shame!

Sounds good to me! I was worried when I started to read as I also have a 12 month old but when I got to the food lists it’s on the same page as me! So much for ‘feed them what you eat’ which is what my HV pushes for!

I would definitely complain. She is unhelpful and unprofessional - imagine what that would do to parents facing real problems with their dc.

Please complain so that this hideous woman doesn't upset anyone else!

You sound fantastic OP! Please don't let one ignorant twat cause you any concern

I'm fuming on your behalf OP. I'm an 'older' person (64) and I'd hate being forced to eat shepherds pie etc. Your menus sound lovely, please can I come for tea as well!

It sounds like your HV has a limited typical English diet and doesn’t appreciate more cultural foods, so assumes they are all unhealthy.

Would much rather do the foods you are cooking than a bloody shepherds pie!

HV needs sacking! You should ask her what she eats in a week, I wouldn’t be surprised if your menu is considerably more healthy than hers. I’d consider complaining.

What you are doing is fine. Better than 90% of us I am sure.

Probably there are decent Hvs out there but in my experience they are out of date and judgmental.

Mine had a go at me for feeding DS puréed apple and carrot when he was about 5-6months old. Insisted that he must be fed baby rice, despite fact it has no nutritional value and may even be linked to diabetes and obesity later in life.

I just said thanks I’ll take that under advisement and never went back. Silly moose.

I’d be very surprised if she’d not encountered any ‘foreign’ food before, we live in a very multicultural area, a sizeable Sikh and Afro Caribbean population, Pakistani too (but less so) so I’d be surprised if she’d not encountered this sort of food before, but maybe she doesn’t do house visits regularly. We don’t have actual names HVs here due to resourcing (unless you are cause for concern) so I’ve not seen the same one twice, in fact I’d never seen her before even from dc1.

it was how she wanted to weigh dc1 too, it felt like an investigation

Most of my experiences with HV’s have been poor, I really don’t rate them. Your food sounds great x

Much better than what is on offer here. I’m inspired. Thanks OP!

That's a really good menu OP, I wish mine ate like that! Mine:
Plain pasta, butter, grated cheese, broccoli
Baked potato, butter, grated cheese, peas
Homemade fish fingers, home made wedges, peas
Homemade goujons, wedges, cucumbers
sausages & broccoli
Pretty much on repeat! You are doing really well!! I would complain

Please complain. I'm fuming on your behalf.

All sounds delicious and nutritious and your kids are very lucky.

When dd1 was about 10 months she suddenly stopped eating. I think it was me returning to work, teething and the constant colds and viruses that came from nursery. My lovely health visitor asked what she did eat and I told her custard, babybels, chocolate buttons and raspberries sometimes. My hv said to keep giving her lots of those things as she needed the calories!

Some health visitors really are good. Your's, OP, is not. And to say your meals are why one of your children was born on a lower percentile was horrible.