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Was the HV right? Am I feeding my kids poorly?

675 replies

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 18:08

12 month development review, hv comes to house, due to lack of clinic apps. Dc2 (11 months) is doing great weight (50th centile since birth)and milestone wise. Dc1 3.5 is at home.

HV asks about food if they have a varied diet asks what they eat, I say give some for instances, We have a family notice board that we print off our menus for the week (lunch and dinners, helps save costs) so I show her almost in a bit of a jokey way,… she tuts and asks like if it’s like this every week, I say well we have different meals but I guess, tells me it’s not good enough and that’s why my first is small. I was floored, I thought she was joking at first. She was actually born on the 2nd centile and is now 25th.

ill put the exact menu we had that week down below, but I genuinely thought this was fine, actually better than fine, I thought they were eating rather well and I was quite proud of that (maybe silly I know but due to work (I’m part time wfh and dh has a lieu day so we’re getting away with only 2 days nursery )and childcare food prep is a conscious effort and I’m normally up the night before getting everything sorted).

hv said some of it is too junky even if it’s home made and they need to be having proper meals not ‘fakeaways’ and they need a proper cooked meal at lunch too (roast, shepherd pie etc) I did say but this is similar to what school dinners are like and that’s seen to be ok, and she said but they’re not at school they’re at home with you, and suggested I get a cook book.

im leaning towards making a complaint because I can’t afford to do two full cooked meals a day, both time wise and money, but I just want to check I’m not in the wrong here. The menu is in no particular order. She left and I honestly felt so shaken, especially being blamed for my child being small when she wasn’t even there to see her, i feel quite gas lit.

please be gentle, if the food isn’t good enough what should I be doing? We don’t eat pork for religious reasons.

breakfast: usually the same sort of thing everyday, either eggy bread/ french toast with yoghurt and fruit or porridge with fruit. Made with whole milk.

lunch: tuna sweetcorn pasta salad (I make a yoghurt dressing for this as we don’t like mayo), cheesy veggie lentil muffins, JP and beans and cheese, egg florentine pizzas, chicken (from schwarma) and avocado pin wheels (served these with some Pom bears for eldest and baby melt crisps for baby)

dinner: beef tacos (left over meat from the Sunday dinner) chicken schwarma, rice and aubergine, home made fish and chips and mushy peas, ‘crispy’ duck noodles and salad (just duck breast marinaded In that hoisin sauce and 5 spice ), tarka daal and rice, Moroccan lamb and couscous, roast chicken and trimmings.

fruit and yoghurt are offered as puddings and all meals are served with veg. Menu is random in order because it depends on you know if we forget to take something out of the freezer.
.
my eldest has 2 snacks in between meals, rich teas, buttered malt loaf, i made these muffins she quite likes (lower sugar than your normal muffin) cheese and crackers, fruit and nuts, veg sticks and hummus, bread sticks and tzatziki (shop bought) that sort of thing. She has a glass of milk before bed too.

my confidence has been really shaken.

OP posts:
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Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 20:18

thanks for all your kind words!

i honestly felt like I was being gas lit and the worse mother around, made by worse by the meals I’ve thought, ‘ah proper chuffed with how that turned out’ were dumped on.

felt even worse because I didn’t really mention that my eldest loves donuts and ice cream and always comes away from lidl with one, she loves their little pizzas too

OP posts:
Dinoteeth · 10/10/2022 20:18

Op I've read your posts but not everyone else's.

5ft 3 for a woman puts you between the 9th and 25th centile for height. Shetland ponies have, Shetland ponies!

Your food sounds lush - 😋 I'll have any leftovers from the MN dinner.

I wouldn't be doing hot lunches too. Toast is as hot as it gets for lunch in this house. Soup if it's really cold outside.

smilingthroughgrittedteeth · 10/10/2022 20:19

She sounds nuts and id make a complaint, theres nothing wrong with what your feeding your children.

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Itsbeenabadday · 10/10/2022 20:19

She ask if you know how to make pasta???!!! What on earth? Definitely do not let this toxic woman back into your house. I have never heard such a lot of tosh. What a rude and disrespectful woman. You do not have to tolerate this crap for yourself or your kids. Please complain or at the very least request that this particular woman does not visit you again!

SeptemberDreams · 10/10/2022 20:20

I’m so sorry you had that horrible experience. I think you definitely should complain and get a new HV. Your food sounds amazing, I only wish the offerings in this house were half as good! 🙈

jtaeapa · 10/10/2022 20:20

Op it sounds perfect.

FWIW my 16yo ds is 6 foot 6. As a toddler he ate cucumber and crackers. Would eat little else, other than McD chips!

I think you may have encountered a bully. I wouldn’t report her. I’d make sure you don’t get a house call again. Bullies are manipulative liars and I’d steer well clear.

kateandme · 10/10/2022 20:20

Thepurpleribbon · 10/10/2022 19:50

Please may I have the recipe for:

tuna sweetcorn pasta salad w/yoghurt dressing
cheesy veggie lentil muffins
egg florentine pizzas
Avocado pin wheels

P.s...you're doing amazing. She really is a huge and very ignorant twat.

One we use
www.dontgobaconmyheart.co.uk/avocado-chicken-roll-ups/

user1498572889 · 10/10/2022 20:21

This is just one of the reasons I never let a HV anywhere near my kids.

keepcalm11 · 10/10/2022 20:21

ImAvingOops · 10/10/2022 18:42

Formal complaint time imo - hv mert women when they are at their most vulnerable and in making them feel judged and like shit, they are in real danger of destroying confidence and triggering PND.
I've had 4 children and from my experience with the last hv, would never allow another one across my threshold.
Putting in a formal complaint might flare some other woman this bitchy and bullying experience

Totally agree, fucking rude, judgemental , intrusive , unnesessary........

Goldencarp · 10/10/2022 20:22

Well it’s about 100 times healthier than anything my kids used to eat!

Myunicornis · 10/10/2022 20:22

Gosh, this is a lovely menu.
Don't worry a thing about her. Seems a bit of a jobsworth to me.

kateandme · 10/10/2022 20:24

Myohmymy · 10/10/2022 20:18

thanks for all your kind words!

i honestly felt like I was being gas lit and the worse mother around, made by worse by the meals I’ve thought, ‘ah proper chuffed with how that turned out’ were dumped on.

felt even worse because I didn’t really mention that my eldest loves donuts and ice cream and always comes away from lidl with one, she loves their little pizzas too

It’s perfectly fine for her to like these foods. All foods. It’s balance. And teaching her otherwise will only damage her and give her food issues for life!
by not having foods as good or bad or on pedestals she will gain so much better knowledge of what her body needs. And that includes doughnuts.

Clarich007 · 10/10/2022 20:25

Retired chef here, so I am older, 71 actually, but I think your menus are fab. All that fresh food is a credit to you. She should be praising you not the other way round.
Barking mad!
I would feel inclined to either complain or request a different HV. Don't know if either is possible, but it would upset me too. You're doing a great job!

Roberts551 · 10/10/2022 20:25

Just to add this sounds bonkers! Your food sounds lovely. I wouldn’t take it to heart - the NHS advice can be very outdated. I had to see an NHS dietician for my daughter as a baby because she had an egg allergy. Suggested snacks from an NHS body were “half a custard cream”, plain boiled mince and half a pack of quavers. It was very outdated and I suspect that’s where this “roast and stodge” attitude comes from. If you can be bothered I’d urge you to complain- these health visitors cause a lot of grief and are often very under qualified in the areas they’re lecturing us all on.

TimeToGoUpAGear · 10/10/2022 20:26

Ignore her. It sounds like an amazing balanced selection.

I really despair with health visitors. If I was you, I'd be tempted to decline the repeat visit. They aren't mandatory.

JubileeTrifle · 10/10/2022 20:26

DHs Aunt worked in a university crèche where parents had to provide their own food. The parents came from all over the world so the food they brought reflected that. His Aunt would go on and on about how ‘disgusting’ the food was and they should give them ‘proper’ food. She meant British food.
Some people are just ridiculous and blinkered about these things.

TenoringBehind · 10/10/2022 20:27

I’d make a complaint about her and would make it known that she’s never welcome back.

WhatsitWiggle · 10/10/2022 20:28

That's really out of order from the HV. That menu looks amazing!!

My DD was full time nursery at that age, she'd have all meals there, and milk when she got home. Breakfast was cereals and toast, lunch was a hot meal - things like cottage pie, meatballs - and tea was usually sandwiches and yoghurt, with fruit for snack.

I used to download the nursery meal plan to try to give me ideas for things to cook weekends and holidays! This is the company that was used, I'd say your dishes are not a million miles away.
zebedees.co.uk/our-menus

Lozzybear · 10/10/2022 20:30

I agree that it sounds like there was a racial element to the rubbish she was spouting. Definitely complain. I really wished I had complained about my health visitor with DS2. On the first visit (when DS2 was a couple of weeks old) she asked whether I would be going back to work. I said yes and she rolled her eyes. Yes, she actually rolled her eyes when I said I would be going back to work. DH was sat next to me on the sofa and witnessed it otherwise I may have blamed it on being an hormonal sleep deprived mum of two. Still angry about it now, nine years later.

ScurryfungeMaster · 10/10/2022 20:30

I'd consider making a complaint tbh because I think she was quite rude and unfair in her criticism of your meals. I think the food sounds great and I'd love to come for dinner :)

RFPO77 · 10/10/2022 20:32

Oh for crying out loud there's nothing at all wrong with that menu, ignore 👍

PinkSyCo · 10/10/2022 20:33

Bloody hell your kids are fed a lot better than many kids…… my own included! Your HV is nuts. I would refuse to see her again.

ShepherdMoons · 10/10/2022 20:33

This is why HVs get such bad reputations!! Sounds like she's talking a load of nonsense!!

Our meals would probably make the HV's blood curdle, proper pearl clutching horror fest!!

Mommabear20 · 10/10/2022 20:34

My HV at DD 2 year review said what we were giving her was perfectly balanced and appropriate, and that as long as she was eating enough and healthy to not worry about it too much, and what you've got there is certainly healthier than my meal plan as we were having a 'use up the freezer' week 😂 I wouldn't listen to her! If your children are happy and healthy then keep doing what works for you!

LiesDoNotBecomeUs · 10/10/2022 20:34

Your foods look great!

She was mixing up 'hot' with 'substantial'. Heating food doesn't always make it better for you :).

I agree that she (a super healthy eater - in her own eyes) probably didn't recognise some of the meals... and therefore assumed that if she didn't eat them, they must be junk food.🙄

Despite the name, 'health' visitors don't have a lot of training on healthy food. Not all their training is up-to-date either.

I see from previous posts that your meals have the essential mumsnet blessing.
Eat on and be happy.😀