For parents who haven't allowed phones/pads/game machines etc

[Dameslosthershoe]

Certain parents choose to do this and have done successfully with no impact on their children.
I know of several families who have raised successfull and happy children who don't have a phone, xbox, ipad etc.
How hard was it?
We're you successful?
Any tips?
I'm minded to say no phone or pad until 16/18 but xbox or PlayStation but not connected to the Internet.

Yes but We are talking about bog standard 13 year olds who just want to be in with their mates. They won’t thank you for saving their brain and you will destroy your relationship with them in the process. Would be interested in how these parents of younger children get on when they are teens…

I am not saying I have done this - I haven't but I do think it is damaging.

I work with children and young people. Its rare to meet one that doesn’t have some form of tech. Most have phones by the time they are in high school. I’ve met 3/4 year olds with phones ( old parents ones to play games on) I’ve met 6 year olds with all the consoles plus tablets and a phone. Occasionally I meet teens with just a phone but no consoles or tablets but that’s so rare now.

its very difficult situation. I’ve worked with those that have mental health issues that have been caused by bullying online. But I’ve also met those that having online support has been a lifeline for many reasons.

I think we need to be careful that children are growing up in a much more tech based society wether we like it or not. . Not having any access at all may be as bad as too much.

It’s really hard. We have pretty easy kids and head and shoulders this has been our most difficult issue. Our generation are not digital natives ourselves so we are all doing this for the first time. You can’t ban it though not tenable.

This was me. Down to not being allowed a job too. Though my curfew was straight after school (home by 3:30, yes it was really bad and controlling).

Mine will be getting phones at 10/11. I can't believe anyone would be so stupid and cruel as to deny their teens a proper life like their peers. Because that's all it does, it just stunts your growth and makes you lose friendships.

Quite. Very easy to not to give your children screens at primary school (in fact, the norm in my experience- most primary-aged children don’t have screens). Like boasting smugly that your child has never tried drugs or alcohol then revealing they’re only eight 😂

Yep this sums up my view really.

My DD is at secondary school and we got her an old phone when she started in y7. This is in line with most of her friends, and our friendship group.

As others have said, her school is an 'iPad' school, the use it in all lessons, and then she is able to use outside of school as appropriate.

However, we have been strict with settings and screen time restrictions, and have made it clear that it must not be her default activity.

Her younger brother is 9.

Until DD got her school iPad, neither child had their own tablet. We had one family tablet to share.

DS got an Xbox for Christmas last year, but again we limit his time on it, and the content he can access.

I think that as many have said, the genie is already out of the bottle with tech, and it's almost impossible, and probably undesirable to ban children from using it. But they do need limits and guidance, the same as in every other aspect of their lives.

Your children are young enough that they play with sticker books. Come back and tell us how it's going in 13 years.

😁 parents of teens are far more broad minded and sanguine. The smugness stops. We know we are all one conversation away from disaster and you never know what will happen next even with “good” kids. And you have very little control. It’s a different mindset and I find other parents far less judgemental and judgy as it could be their child next!

My daughter didn’t have a phone until she was 12. She has a computer but it is only used for school work or academic studies. No gadgets in bedroom ever and none before school or after 7.

We don't do this, but I do have reservations about the kids (11 & 14) being too engaged with computer games & YouTube to the exclusion of other pursuits. Neither kid yet has a smart phone though, they've both got dumb phones. Eldest chats to friends from his gaming pc on discord.
There are lots of people talking about smart phones being essential in high school - not always the case, my son's school has a strict ban on them. They do access all their homework online though and that makes computer time very hard to manage.

Interesting how gendered this seems. I can be smug neither of mine ever gamed and have zero interest in that. Their phones and sm however….

it is highly unlikely that all the “Silicon Valley tech people” are blanket denying their kids access to the tech they created. It’s fairly unlikely that even one of them is doing so and, if true, there are likely to be very specific personal reasons for that. One of them may once have said to a journalist that their 6 year-old was not allowed unlimited access to an iPad but that doesn’t make a very snappy headline, does it?

And yet, consistently when such people are interviewed, this is what they are saying. Check out Tristan Harris' documentary, I think it's called The Social Network. You could also look at Jonathan Haidt's recent article about social media. Jaron Lanier is another pioneer of internet technology who has spoken out about the harms it is causing.

To be clear, since my comment is being picked apart, I'm not denying that there are benefits to technology. I'm just saying that it's a massive experiment on kids. We cannot possibly know how it's going to turn out, but we already know that young girls in particular are struggling way more than ever before. We know about the horrifying impact on pornography on children's minds and the damaging effect on later relationships. So it's reasonable to suggest that this isn't a straightforward good, even if there is good there. It's an experiment and we don't know the results yet.

My child uses screens and she has a great imagination, loads of friends, is very sporty, loves colouring and books, does all the things you’ve listed and not a zombie either. You’ve found what works for you, that’s great, but your children would probably have ended up exactly the same with exposure to screens so I wouldn’t pat yourself on the back too much.

16/18 is a bit much. Even I had a phone at 15 and I’m pushing 40!

Mine too 👍🏻 And most importantly of all they have learnt to self regulate their

**Themselves

👏🏼👏🏼

The genie can't be put back in the lamp - we have smart phones, tablets etc. now so children need to be taught how to use them sensibly. A blanket ban makes it seem more exciting

We have very very limited screen time. It's all about moderation for me.

The children can have 30'mins each (but there are 4 of them, they pool it together) on a Saturday and Sunday.

They can use this for either tv or switch. (Limited games, just dance and Minecraft).

My kids are complete bookworms, love to do art and crafts and we swim 5 times a week. Plus walks etc.

The two older ones (12&13) have phones but it's limited useage. They use them the most for music. We have the right to check them, DH can see everything they looked at and blocked things like YouTube. They have to ask us for access to anything new. (I don't know how he does that, he is in IT).

Absolutely no social media at this point. We know that will come but for the moment we have explained why and they accept it. We don't use social media much as a family and they know why. We also don't have Netflix, sky, amazon tv etc.

I work in a school which is screen free, so the kids don't have great exposure. DC go there too.

It's really not hard, the biggest resistance is questions or confrontation from other parents who generally are shocked or think that it's weird. (It's not, we know lots of families like this). You will find yourself having to defend your decision every time it's brought up as many people will insist that screens do no harm to their children.

I did read somewhere recently that my generation is the last generation to grow up without internet and social media, which is a bit scary.

We are all winging it though, aren't we? hopefully with my anti screen aversion and Luddite tendencies, and DH's love of technology, the kids will get a balanced approach.

Let's see. We shall find out soon enough.

Ooo, I'll try sticker books with my 13 yo when we fly long haul later this year.
It is possible to read, go outside, be sporty etc AND use technology.
I don't think people who don't have teenagers are qualified to know the impact on the teenager of being a screen free family

My kid went to secondary where a Chromebook/laptop was compulsory. I would have seriously damaged her education if I didn't allow it.

This is so true. I'd take it a step further and say you still cant be smug if you have easy older teens, I say that as a parent of children in their 20's who were all cruising along wonderfully in their teens...

My children's primary school use laptops and devices for homework from P3 onwards. My youngest is dyslexic and does 80% of her schoolwork on screens.

Both my children are very outdoorsy, play loads of sports, have imagination, meet friends in real life.

The idea that the introduction of a screen means they will become fortnite addicts who never leave the home is both ridiculous and snobby smugness.

Lots of food for thought thank you.
To the poster saying my social media use/ response is immature, right back atcha, I was knackered after a long day, didn't have time to comment on lots of posts, just the one that stood out to me .
I have an incredibly strong gut feeling on this but I'm one to act with my head not heart and usually regret it so I'm doing my research early...15 years early if you like!
I'm also a secondary teacher so I'm fully aware of a lot of issues you've already raised. And very aware of the hazards equally...some of the safeguarding training I've experienced has really rattled me. I've also had a teenage female family member suffer things going all wrong with social media so I'm more sensitive than most possibly 🤔