For parents who haven't allowed phones/pads/game machines etc

[Dameslosthershoe]

Certain parents choose to do this and have done successfully with no impact on their children.
I know of several families who have raised successfull and happy children who don't have a phone, xbox, ipad etc.
How hard was it?
We're you successful?
Any tips?
I'm minded to say no phone or pad until 16/18 but xbox or PlayStation but not connected to the Internet.

I assume the parents have phones and iPads? If so it's quite hypocritical. I can understand not wanting to give them to very small children but once they hit 7/8 yrs old I think it's pretty mean to take this stance.

It is a hard balance. My child is 7 and loves the iPad which really irritates me. But then I probably spend way to much time fannying around on my phone so 🤷🏼‍♀️

I know two families who have no TV in the house and the children don't have phones yet - aged 9-12. I think it's good to introduce a phone during the teenage years so you can talk through safety issues when they are most vulnerable to exploitation before they become independent.

Mine had a basic phone in y6 and was allowed internet access from y7. She never had a phone to play on until 6ish, when I let her play on mine occasionally. I know tech for toddlers is polarising but I'm firmly in the hell no group, so that wasn't even an option for her to use it when v young. I certainly wouldn't try to withhold tech from a teenager, you are creating an enormous social barrier. Having said that, mine was not allowed Snapchat or Instagram until 13.

I don’t think it can happen without impacting the child socially. Communication these days is via phones and gaming at least when they are teenagers. My child (12) would be left out of everything if he didn’t have a phone. How would he arrange to do anything? No one calls each other anymore
If you happen to live in a community where everyone else is doing it then yes it’s possible, otherwise it’s a definite impossibility.
Plus why on Earth is a PlayStation better than an iPad? That just means they are gaming on their own instead of gaming with friends which at least involves some social interaction.
I actually got my child a phone with a contract when he was 10 as during covid lockdowns he had no outside contact otherwise and he thrives with it. There has been loads of benefits to this actually as at ten he was willing to let me control what he did With his phone, make suggestions about how he texts etc, I would take the phone from him regularly and check his conversations and he was young enough that this doesn’t bother him. He is very responsible with it now and knows I can check it whenever I decide to.
He is not allowed tik tok or Facebook or snap chat but he has what’s app and chats with only his friends from real life on it.
as long as you are an involved parent and teach your child well and set limits from the beginning, a phone can be a positive thing certainly much more so than a PlayStation!

Also they need them for high school for work and taking photos of timetables, assignments etc.

It's not even the social part of it, which tbh was a god send in lock down.

DD's school is still online for homework. About 4 apps/websites, plus google classroom to upload stuff, plus research needed for the various projects and fact pages.

I feel it’s unavoidable in this world we live in! Kids use iPads as school nowadays!

I just spat my coffee, thanks! 😂

No phone/tablet til 16? Good luck with that. I feel you will cause more issue for your children with this than any good you are trying to create

@Icannever my son plays with his friends more on the PlayStation than he does the iPad. He has a headset and they all play games together. So it can be very social too. It's nice to hear them laughing and encouraging each other. Not so nice when he shouts 'ALFIE WHY DID YOU KILL ME?!'

Interesting that OP hasn't come back 🤔 I'm presuming that your DC are babies or toddlers? Clearly not at school. Because they use tablets and computers everyday at school. They will go to their mates houses where they will have access to every device conceivable.

You pretty much need the Internet to function as an adult in current society. Why would you want to raise an adult of 18 who doesn't have the capacity to function independently?

If you're sensible, you can police the devices your child has access to. So they're not ending up blowing 5k on fortnite or getting groomed on the dark Web. Ignoring the situation completely is burying your head in the sand. Better to teach them to be responsible than banning it.

Screen free family here! It's brilliant, our kids play outside, with toys, games, in the park and they read when they need chill out time. We have taken them on flights, and they get a new sticker book or colouring.
When the oldest starts walking to school/friends' houses alone in a couple of years we will get him a non-internet phone. DH and I are very sporty so we aren't bothered about screens neither, outside work, so the kids know that better alternatives exist. And yes, they have lots of friends, big imaginations and are not zombies gawping at a screen. SO happy with this choice.

DC are 10 and 8. So far we haven't been asked for any consoles. I have an iPad which I share with them but it is mine so I control who has it and for how long. DD1 is autistic so I feel it could quickly spiral into an obsession.

They each have a Yoto for audio stories and radio, they use the library computers once a week and DD1 also attends Code Club at the library once a fortnight.

I'm sure secondary school will see changes.

Out of interest, what the zoo game you mentioned called?

We don’t have iPads, phones or games consoles etc but my DCs are still only under 9. We let oldest go on laptop to do school stuff. It’s worked pretty well so far. I ended up banning the iPad - oldest just got addicted to it and kicked off all the time if I told him it was time to put it away. Best thing I ever did. I realise things will change as they get older but it’s definitely possible to keep them off for a while. Mine play out or have friends round etc - they still watch tv. It’s a good balance.

DD has had a phone since starting secondary.

It's a useful way for her to keep in touch with relatives who live overseas, arrange meet-ups with friends, chat about homework, be contactable when out and about in her own for first time etc.

She's worked out herself which WhatsApp groups she doesn't want to be part of.

Hadn't ever shown interest in gaming.

Works for us.

Not a fan of completely banning things.

Allow iPad for a restricted time of day. No social media accounts - not sure what age we will say ok (oldest is 8). We might go for certain things are allowed, but can’t have personal device. Ie - must be shared amongst kids. probably go for a ‘dumb’ phone 1st.

This.

Why do you want to raise them this way OP? Genuine question. I'll be honest, I know one person like this and the only reason I can think why she doesn't want them having devices and consoles is because she doesn't want to be out the £££.

Instead of banning these things, isn't it better to make the effort to step into the world of modern parenting and learn how to monitor and manage these things? Lazy parenting not to get involved in my opinion.

Yet here you are on Mumsnet....

Are you a journo, OP?

There is a really big area between 'no online access' and 'complete freedom to go online with no precautions taken whatsoever.

If parents put a teeny bit of effort into it you can allow your kids to have online access and still limit what the access.

Letting young kids have unmonitored online access is really really bad parenting. It's irresponsible and can be dangerous. It's not to do with how much you trust your kids it's more to do with how evil some people are on the internet.

If parents don't understand how to restrict internet access so that it's safe (or safer ) then they should pay someone to set it up for them.

My nieces saw a close up and very clear video of someone being beheaded when they were 10'ish - that was nice for them. They weren't searching for that but some sick bastard thought it would be funny to disguise the video as something innocent.

My kids had iOS devices set up as child accounts. I kept the passwords and had overall control.

I didn't fully do this but my children had no mobile until secondary school and were only allowed 30 minutes of screen time a day in primary and only an hour a day, two at weekends, until the age of about 15. We all chilled out a lot after I put the rules in, too much TV/gaming isn't good for developing brains. They could earn extra by doing chores in the house or litter picking.

I am not sure we could have achieved this even if we wanted to. Both my DDs have lots of school learning set on website / apps that require devices obviously. They use Ipads at school. And that has increased since homeschooling for lockdown etc

16/18 for phones is too late imho - for safety reasons. As soon as my DD is making her way to school and back without me, I will need her to have a phone.

@Mariposista My kids do all the play / outdoor things you listed and have access to tech as well.

The 2 are not mutually exclusive 😕