On holiday with 4yo and it’s awful - is this normal??

[SatelliteFish]

On holiday with 4yo DD and it’s awful.

She’s loving the fun bits, but if she’s not eating ice cream, swimming, bouncing on a bouncy castle etc she’s having a meltdown, mis-behaving or moaning. Won’t eat a single meal nicely, won’t go to bed nicely, won’t do anything nicely unless it’s a fun activity.

Epic (and I mean epic) meltdown today because I wouldn’t buy her a lollipop because her behaviour had been terrible. I said no and explained why & stuck to my guns. I do try to be strict and have some discipline but just feel like a failure.

It’s our first holiday abroad (Europe) due to Covid and DH and I are seriously thinking it will be our last. It’s not enjoyable. I’m looking at flights to leave early.

We’ve looked forward to this holiday for literally years, saved up etc and after this week it’s back to work / grindstone for the next year.

Is this normal? What age do holidays with kids get better??

Please no sarcastic comments. I’m sat here on my hard-earned holiday (first In four years) in tears. If you don’t have any supportive words please kindly pass by this thread.

Oh and DD doesn’t have any additional needs as far as we are aware.

She attends a very good pre-school and they speak very highly of her.

She’s over excited and stimulated. Start the day earlier, only have one meal out, siesta middle of the day. Dial it down. Have low key dinner pref in your apt bit if not possible somewhere where behaviour doesn’t matter.

I'm in exactly the same situation at the moment.
The problem is definitely the break out of their normal routine and also, I think they miss children their own age to play with. They are too young to sit and read a book or to cook a meal for their parents.
Mine has lost his leg bones in public, crawled down the street screaming, bellowed after me like he was being tortured. It is worse than embarrassing.
But, what can we do? I'm afraid just sit it out and hope no one seriously thinks the tantrums are a sign of anything ominous.
They do improve with age, believe me.
Oh, and I subscribed to an online learning program and he is really enjoying that.

Over excitement, probably out of routine, later nights and sleeping away from home so less sleep and more treats. Recipe for disaster for some children.

I feel your pain, our first holiday with DD she was 3, either me or DH in pool with her most of the day and its a family joke that she lived on chips and vanilla ice cream. It does get better but at this stage just have to grin and bear it 🥰🥰🥰

4 year olds are arseholes! To be fair most kids of any age are at times! Try and stick to your guns and maybe go to the room for some quiet time after lunch as she could he overstimulated

Stick to the NO word. I do feel for you but you need to stick to your guns.

Just seen you are in a rural villa, that’s your first mistake. We’ve taken our 3 boys on holidays including long haul from a few months old and I found 4 to be the brilliant age but we go to all inclusive hotels with kids clubs / kids pools with slides/ mini disco, entertain etc. basically what would have been my idea of hell pre-kids. If they are happy we’re happy! And at 4 my boys would have late nights and then have nap either in room or on a sunbed after lunch. You have to find a new holiday routine.

On our last holiday DC were 13 (twins) 14 & 15.

We didn’t even attempt a restaurant, it would have been too annoying with the twins being stupidly picky eaters.

They were fine as long as they were in a pool. Otherwise they moaned about being bored.

DD14 moaned at the heat and spent all day in her room on her phone. Only came out at night then moaned because she was getting bitten.

Happily now 3 years on they are all pleasant to be around but it was hard going for years!!!!

the worst holiday I had was with extended family and a constantly tantruming 3 year old - I vowed never again and 16 years later have kept that promise!!

Holidays bring out the worst in kids. I also try to maintain discipline but it's difficult. My advice would be embrace the chaos, let her eat junk, forget bedtime routines and try to be fun mum. She'll hopefully look back fondly. Reset the routine and discipline when you get back home. I feel your pain and hope your holiday improves.

This year is the first year it was enjoyable most of the time, aged 8 and 6. Last year it was 50:50. Prior to that it was blimin hard work. We don't go abroad, too much hard work with this age kids. Next year I may contemplate it. You are not alone and it does get easier

Ohhh yes it's normal. I recently discovered this with my own 4 year old DD on our first family holiday abroad 🤦‍♀️ there was some nice parts but between her & the 8 month old DD - myself and my partner felt like we needed to book an adults only holiday for when we got home 😅 ill assume it gets easier... I hope. Or I'll be leaving mine abroad next time we go haha! X

Holidays should be a time for.abandoning rules and restraints.

I second this. 4 year olds ARE arseholes 😅🤦‍♀️

@IDreamOfTheMoors

Do we need to go to the car 😂😂😂

It does make you wonder why anyone has kids when you can’t even have a decent holiday for years and years

When little ones are out of their routine, hopped up on sugar, overstimulated, etc. it's normal for them to act out. You can absolutely go on holiday, just cut back on what you do, keep bedtime/naptime/snack time, on as normal a schedule as possible.

@WhoNeedsToSleepAnyway

Kids aged 8 and 6? Golden holiday years. Actually quite enjoyable.

Goes a bit tits up again with tweens/teens.

There is an app on iPhone called ‘Stellar’ which is basically a star chart on your phone.
it’s brilliant. You can choose how many stars your child needs to earn to get a reward, can personalise each chart or have charts for different things. My DS1 loves it as he gets to add his stars and see how close he is to getting a treat. I found this really useful for times like this when you are away and routine is different and kids are being slightly more challenging than normal. Just adds a little incentive.

DSD9 has serious FOMO stress when we go on hols with other families/kids. Routine and sleep goes out the window due to kids all bunking up together. She really needs sleep so that’s bad. And mealtimes can be tricky as she’s the fussiest eater of all the kids.
Our hols start soon and you’ve reminded me to brace brace brace!! Thank you 😂

The trick I found was to take holidays you wanted to do rather than a child orientated holiday. I travelled with mine a lot, they both had clocked 50k air miles before 5 (lived overseas) and they really were fine as as long as their needs were met eg on road trips I would succumb to the McDonald's with the free play areas that are ubiquitous on highways in the USA, or would look up where there were swings for an hour but that was my only concession... even went backpacking with a double buggy. Most historical tourist attractions have a child audio guide or pack I found.

If you go to a child oriented holiday they simply won't appreciate it at preschool age.

Both mine take trips to historical places now as adults so they must have enjoyed them

I went to my first ever ai hotel type holiday last winter, was actually fun as 2 adults but the parents just looked stressed with the constant nagging for ice creams

omg you poor loves!
Holidays are hard work but you’ve missed the intro! The first when mine were under a year were horrific! I had time to adjust and by 4 years with 4 hols under my belt had it down to a tee.

It’s not a holiday like you have ever had but you will adjust. When ours were that age we would do early beach back for lunch / sleep / paddling pool in the shade. Then pm 5ish back to the beach fir a bit then out every other evening …so in effect one early night when we ate in and little ones went to bed 7pm and next a late. I actually preferred the night in as you relaxed more! I’m away now with my grown up kids 17 & 20 and now as lovely as it is … they won’t get up, go to bed and have opinions about where we should eat..
I guess what I’m saying is relax it’s a bit of an anticlimax after not being away but you’ll get there.

If there’s something familiar you can build in, it will help calm her. For example I spent a lot of time watching CBeebies on a holiday with small child 😵‍💫😵‍💫 Or a familiar food from supermarket so it’s a bit like home.
Sorry it’s so shit, there’s lots of good advice on here. Also - teenage children can be shits on holiday as well. Decided in 2019 that family holidays didn’t suit. DH and DS burn and don’t like sun, DD has massive issues with food and eating out. We now “holiday” in short bursts of time. Best holidays for kids were the low budget caravan ones. Sadly not for the adults 🤣

Mine are 12, 10 and 7 and still a pain to take away! We last went abroad in 2019 to Disneyland Paris, which they had all wanted to go to. Youngest who was 3 at the time was a dream, eldest who was 8 was a fucking nightmare! I cried pretty much the whole time we were away! Very nearly went home early but dd was really enjoying herself and didn't want to ruin it for her (she was 6 and right in her disney princess phase!). We go to Dorset every year and 12 year old still moans and plays up, but I'm at the point now where I think fuck it, if you want to waste your holiday sitting on your computer all day then fine, I take myself outside with a book and glass of wine and enjoy the peace!!

I honestly found holidays abroad exhausting when dc were small, so much so we stopped for a few years and just went to a Uk center parcs for many years. It really is same shit, different location. It's our first holiday abroad in years this year, youngest is 7 and it has been a lot easier. Sorry it's been a stressful week for you

Obk