On holiday with 4yo and it’s awful - is this normal??

[SatelliteFish]

On holiday with 4yo DD and it’s awful.

She’s loving the fun bits, but if she’s not eating ice cream, swimming, bouncing on a bouncy castle etc she’s having a meltdown, mis-behaving or moaning. Won’t eat a single meal nicely, won’t go to bed nicely, won’t do anything nicely unless it’s a fun activity.

Epic (and I mean epic) meltdown today because I wouldn’t buy her a lollipop because her behaviour had been terrible. I said no and explained why & stuck to my guns. I do try to be strict and have some discipline but just feel like a failure.

It’s our first holiday abroad (Europe) due to Covid and DH and I are seriously thinking it will be our last. It’s not enjoyable. I’m looking at flights to leave early.

We’ve looked forward to this holiday for literally years, saved up etc and after this week it’s back to work / grindstone for the next year.

Is this normal? What age do holidays with kids get better??

Please no sarcastic comments. I’m sat here on my hard-earned holiday (first In four years) in tears. If you don’t have any supportive words please kindly pass by this thread.

Oh and DD doesn’t have any additional needs as far as we are aware.

She attends a very good pre-school and they speak very highly of her.

No help but I’ve just been yelled at for not waking my 16 yr old up, who then proceeded to rant about ‘absolutely nothing for me to do on this island’ but cannot elaborate on what precisely she does want to do. We’re in a villa with a pool, she is too self-conscious and shy for a communal pool. We’ve been on several trips, drives, eaten out. Am I bit stumped as to what she thinks there should be!

we found ages 6-12/13 were great for holidays, all inclusive hotel (proper all inclusive), help them find a little mate and bin bedtimes. Was it our favourite type of holiday? Probably not, but happy kids=happy parents. Are there any parks or child friendly beaches you can take her to meet other kids?

We’ve just holidayed with our 3 year old and we largely stuck to his routine, aside from the fact he was staying up late so napping in the day (blissful!) but even with late bedtimes he still had his cup from home for milk and we read books before sleep, and he had his little clock from home too.

He had his moments but he was great generally. He had a tantrum on the plane on the way home which was awful but it was because he was shattered and thankfully he fell asleep!

We just tried to have a routine but go with the flow, if that makes sense! Florida next year which will be hellish I’m sure ha.

I remember mine having (and still does) a Unicorn Pillow Pet that went on holiday and pretty much everywhere that grounded them and provided familiarity in strange locations.

It’s too much like hard work taking them on holiday somewhere further away. We did two holidays between ages 0 and 5 - both U.K. and one to Butlins and one to a cottage near a beach. Those both worked fairly well as child-friendly, not too much travelling, we stuck to usual routine with naps and mealtimes and didn’t try to do too much.

Otherwise we book annual leave and do childfree days out locally whilst DD in childcare!

Gosh, how helpful. 🙄. Good for you.

Satellite I am so sorry to hear that your longed-for holiday is turning into a bit of a nightmare. I don't know how long you have left there but I hope things improve and you can at least enjoy some days together.

I don't think your situation is especially unusual. Perhaps going on an aeroplane and arriving in a different country (where it is possibly hotter than usual?) is just too much for some children.

This holiday (first time abroad for 5 years) one of my grandchildren was quite happy and amenable whereas the other was moody and unco-operative a lot of the time. He is usually quite happy on UK holidays so, in our particular case, I think it may have been the change of weather and time spent on the beach that made him feel sluggish and grumpy.

Me and DD (then 3) went on holiday and it was horrific, meltdowns all the time, I’m sure the other people thought I was murdering her. I spent every evening looking for early flights home, I was on my own with her and I’d never felt so lonely. She now talks about it like it was such a good holiday (pretty sure she doesn’t remember anything, has just seen the photos). She is now 11 and we are off to the sunshine this weekend for 5 nights, she is now a complete delight and I wouldn’t choose to share my holiday with anyone else! So…it does get better….hang on in there!! Xx

She sounds over tired.

I think most people have already said this but from personal experience it's almost certainly exhaustion. All the excitement plus the heat. We went to lanzarote with our 3 year old and 5month old and the first few days were hell until we found some sort of routine. We started putting our 3 year old down for a siesta in the the afternoon and he would sleep a good 3 hours and this really helped. And he ended up being much better behaved for the rest. I hope you can enjoy the rest of your time away x

Oh my, i feel for you so much, I could have written this exactly word for word when my DD was 4years old and we were on our first holiday abroad as a family (she’s 7 now)
she was a nightmare just the same and I was in tears too, it was awful. We’ve not been abroad since but have had a couple of caravan holidays in the uk and I’m afraid she’s been the same. She is an only child and so well behaved at school (and was at preschool) and generally is at home too but for some reason on holiday she becomes demanding and it’s all about her despite disciplining her etc.
we have just come back from our summer holiday in a caravan and I think she was a little better this time, but still constantly wanted to be entertained, bike ride, swimming, arcades, scooter, swimming etc etc, nothing was ever enough from morning to 9pm at night. I’m not going abroad again until she’s at least 10 and hopefully it will be better x

We had one awful holiday that sounds a bit like this - the worst day had been one entirely devoted to things that he should have liked doing (like the sealife centre, a castle etc etc) and everything was wrong... We ended up at a posh restaurant which was my DH's favourite from a visit pre children - and I had a discussion with my son before we went in. I told him that it was Daddy's favourite restaurant, and that he carried on misbehaving it was very simple, we would leave the restaurant and sit in the car until Daddy had finished. He proceeded to behave impeccably, much to my surprise, and someone stopped me in the toilets to comment on his good behaviour - which, when I look back, was the thing that stuck out more than the days of bad behaviour. So look for the positives and see if you can have a discussion with her that gets through and gets you both something that you want.

We have just come back from a weeks holiday, this is why we have done the same holiday to Jersey 10 years in a row glamping. Both struggle still eating out although they are now very good at breakfast, cake and icecream. Fortunately they all love boiled potatoes, hence the self catering. My eldest can't cope unless she knows the exact plan for the day - spontinaity goes. Youngest still has to have screen time otherwise meltdown. Also I muddle the transport up we have a car, but a couple of days we got the bus. Take it very easy, set out a daily routine. Good luck.

You know what Mumsnet? Usually
I’d be all ears and sympathetic, but not today. I came here once looking for a smidgen of sympathy having been f**ked over multiple times and in all sorts of creative ways by people we were buying a house from, and all the “luvvly mums” ripped us a new one, zero humanity at all, so instead of pretending to be nice, I’m just going to say what I think - your child is misbehaving because you’re bad at parenting. I have a four year old who is an angel, ALL THE TIME, never needs to be asked twice, loves helping and tidying up, plays independently and is mild mannered, kind and thoughtful 100% of the time. If your child is behaving like a spoilt little brat, it’s because you’ve taught them how to behave like that. That’s all there is to it. Out.

People weren't nice to you so you've decided to make yourself feel better by being vile to one particular, unrelated woman?

I think you have emotional problems love.

I think someone needs a nap.

I thought your post was a joke, but on second reading, it seems it wasn't.

@SignedOnToSayThis

I have a kid like this….I also have other kids that wouldn’t fit that angelic description. It’s just a temperament thing you’re not that great at parenting lol.

Good at parenting but not so much being kind to an emotional Mum... can't have it all I guess! Glad your child has NEVER misbehaved!

So sorry OP - it sounds awful and stressful - sending 💐 and un-Mumsnetty hugs to you.

I have nothing helpful at all to add, except to share my friend’s tip - stop calling it a holiday. We never say we’re ‘going on holiday’ when we go away with our 3 boys, we call it ‘going on an adventure.’

The reason for this is that referring to going away with small children as ‘a holiday’ is a category error - holidays in our minds have all sorts of lovely historical connotations of fun and relaxation and enjoyment. Pre-kids, you’d have returned from a holiday feeling renewed and chilled out. 😎 🏝 🍹

Instead, you spend a week or more managing the fact that your kids are out of their routine and faced with a slew of exciting new sources of entertainment and treats that slosh dopamine lavishly around their tiny infant brains and inevitably cause poor behaviour as the tiny infant brains are not able to process any of it.

Generally they don’t sleep. The normal rules of operating all being suspended means they push and push to see what they can get / get away with under this thrillingly brakes-off new regime. If there’s more than one kid, they bicker and scuffle, c o n s t a n t l y.

The worst part of all this is when you return home and HAVE TO GO BACK TO WORK more exhausted than when you left, where people ask ‘Did you have a lovely holiday?’ The first time this happened to me, having been to Devon with a 14 month non-sleeping DS, I almost wept with the sense of injustice.

All of this is appallingly stressful for parents, unless you’re somewhere with hot and cold running kids’ clubs and evening child-minding, which most of us can’t afford.

So for the foreseeable future, we will be going on an adventure in the summer. Nobody returns from an adventure expecting to feel rested. Ask Frodo.

Solidarity, OP. Please please please arrange NOW to do something nice and restorative with your girlfriends or by yourself when you return home. Something to look forward to, even if it’s only going out for tea and buns somewhere lovely.

Until then, let go of all your hopes and expectations for this time away, and look for little moments when it’s not awful. They’ll be there. And remember it won’t always be like this. You’ll get to the brief moments of respite on adventures, when your daughter spends 20 mins utterly absorbed in digging a moat round a sandcastle or watching a red panda in a wildlife park or something, and you’ll take pictures, and you’ll look back on it fondly. Promise. ❤️

I’ve just came back from hols with DH and there were lots of young families with kids under 5, they looked worn out! I saw a family with very young twins, less than a year old and really don’t know how they cope!
All mine are grown up now but all I can say to you is ; you’re doing a fantastic job. The heat is quite something else and travel makes you very tired so bear that in mind.
Try to keep positive for next few days - please don’t fly home. Keep yourselves well hydrated and eat well. You’ll be absolutely fine.
I know it’s hard work but there is light at the end of the tunnel x

So am I to be honest - must be what I’m doing right! As for being kind to emotional mothers, maybe the people of Mumsnet should reap what they sow? If you want kindness back, show some to others in the first place. You don’t just get to behave like a load of entitled you-know-whats to everyone all the time, and then get a load of sympathy when everything goes t*ts up for you. That’s what I’m teaching my child: be nice to people, and they’ll be nice to you. Anyone who screws you over, make it rain, cos they aren’t going to cut you any slack at all in the big bad world.

@SignedOnToSayThis wow that's amazing!

Can we conduct an experiment on you? Have at least three more children and adopt a further three. It will be amazing to see the tribe of 7 superbly behaved children who never do a thing wrong, purely as a result of your fantastic parenting skills.

Please check back to let us know the findings.

There’s a fine line between honesty and projection apparently.

Just popped back to say thanks to those who offered genuine advice / sympathy / solidarity

Oh so you’re only a good parent if you can do it with 7 kids, is that right?