On holiday with 4yo and it’s awful - is this normal??

[SatelliteFish]

On holiday with 4yo DD and it’s awful.

She’s loving the fun bits, but if she’s not eating ice cream, swimming, bouncing on a bouncy castle etc she’s having a meltdown, mis-behaving or moaning. Won’t eat a single meal nicely, won’t go to bed nicely, won’t do anything nicely unless it’s a fun activity.

Epic (and I mean epic) meltdown today because I wouldn’t buy her a lollipop because her behaviour had been terrible. I said no and explained why & stuck to my guns. I do try to be strict and have some discipline but just feel like a failure.

It’s our first holiday abroad (Europe) due to Covid and DH and I are seriously thinking it will be our last. It’s not enjoyable. I’m looking at flights to leave early.

We’ve looked forward to this holiday for literally years, saved up etc and after this week it’s back to work / grindstone for the next year.

Is this normal? What age do holidays with kids get better??

Please no sarcastic comments. I’m sat here on my hard-earned holiday (first In four years) in tears. If you don’t have any supportive words please kindly pass by this thread.

Oh and DD doesn’t have any additional needs as far as we are aware.

She attends a very good pre-school and they speak very highly of her.

We have rented a cottage each year - sometimes in France, sometimes Scotland or Cornwall, Ireland, Norfolk - since our 3 were born. We go somewhere quite quiet by the sea and try to have a bit of a routine for them but they are hard work. Lovely moments but they are all hard work. DS1 is 7 now and a better. DD 5 is still a challenge- hoping for better this summer. DS2 is just 3 and I m dreading taking him away next week. We're going to Donegal for a fortnight in a cottage by the sea. Today's wailing tantrum was because his ice cream wasn't 'rawbry' (it was). Cried for half an hour over that and DH ate the ice cream 'cos it was just melting.

We’ve been on holiday 3-4x a year since dc was born, she is almost 4 now and we just had a horrendous few days, but we went away long haul for 3 weeks a couple months ago and she was fine so no idea! Mostly our holidays are not shit with her but we 1. Plan kid friendly things, maybe a museum a couple of days but one with things she’s interested in and only plan to be there an hour or so, plenty of time at the playground/pool and generally not ambitious. 2. Keep her routine as similar to home as poss, ie don’t skip naps, 3. Bring black bin liners to block out her windows to ensure she sleeps well. 4. Keep the sugar treats to a minimum. 5. Bring my parents. Not every holiday but often we go away with family so we get a proper break! We also never do screen time at home so she gets to watch an hour of movies a day on holiday to chill out a bit.

Don't give up on future holidays;maybe book a resort next time;one with a good kids club and evening baby sitters.

keep telling her this is a holiday treat
You giving yourself treats yes?

This.
Hollidays are an endurance test when children are small.
Keep expectations low and enjoy the good bits.
Try and stick to normal mealtimes and bedtimes but also doesn't get too stressed if you can't.
Don't expect too much from her or yourself.

This:
If she's anything like my girls when we go away, it feels as though the more you give them, the worse they get sometimes. It's as if they think, "I've had loads of fun stuff, what have I got to lose?"

DD can be a bit like this on holiday / in the school holidays. She’s much much better now she’s a bit older, but when she was about 4 it was hard work!

We managed it by not going abroad and like a op said, by choosing to go somewhere quite low key but with a few kid things to potter around, but not being too ambitious. This worked surprisingly well - we found the best places were a cottage somewhere like Southwold where you can walk 10 mins to the bit of beach, go back to cottage for lunch, pop out for a walk and playground visit, ice cream, back to cottage for a takeaway or pizza and salad/deli dinner, relax.

Honestly, having less to do, but in small manageable doses, was way better than trying to do too much; and DD was much happier with an hour on the beach, some kite flying, an ice cream and a (lengthy) trip to the same playground every day! (One trip when DD was about 5, we literally parked up and didn’t do anything but potter around the town for an entire week.) You do feel like you’re not doing enough by the standards of adult holidays, but DD LOVED it and was very very happy just with that (and very chilled, so it was far nicer for us!)

Is she at school yet? My dd became much easier after she started school.

We used to make them have a siesta because it is overwhelming . We would have breakfast , go to the shops or sightsee then lunch and a rest. In the afternoon we could swim or go to the beach or ride bikes and then home for dinner or out to a restaurant.They weren't nappers at home but we kept this up for a few years .

We chunk the day (my 4yo son is being assessed for autism, we've found it works best if we break it up) so we have a morning activity, then some downtime with screens after lunchtime, then an afternoon activity to try and keep things fairly calm and structured. We haven't been abroad though, maybe that makes it a bit more challenging!

Isn’t there a kids club you can dump her in

I have a 4 and 6year old and have just returned from a holiday. 4year old just could not cope with change in routine was exhausted and overstimulated. 6year old loved it and took it all in her stride.. there is hope

Yep, normal. She will settle in. Mine (DD6) was exactly the same on the holiday we just had - figured exhaustion, excitement, then just crashing in between activities like a major come down!
Turns out she has developed a water infection so you might want to keep an eye out for anything that might be making her feel off colour, seems all the swimming can cause ear infections and water infections etc. I find a big pair of headphones and her favourite music on, getting her to stomp it out really helps too.
Next time - kids club, life saver! Just a little break to restore your sanity!

She sounds overtired, is she sleeping ok? Are you sticking to a Similar routine to home?
honestly holidays with young children are often just not very relaxing. I’d split up so one of you looks after her and one gets some time relaxing and then swap over

Hyper stimulated with sky high expectations? Would it help to sit at breakfast and tell her what the plan is for the day? Timings? Or will she just tantrum?

I think holidays can be a bit overwhelming for them and they like to push boundaries as they get stuff far more.

Things which worked for us was taking it in turns to chose the activity foe the morning each day and then pool in the afternoon. Having an hour or so quiet time after lunch (a nap would be better but my DS refused that one) and not stressing dinner. If he didn't want to eat then we simply said fine go play but there isn't anything else no arguementor atress about it. By day 3 he will always eat!

She is either totally overwhelmed by all the new experiences or could be she needs to decompress. Kids on holiday may really need to have a good weep, if they've been holding onto feelings/worries a holiday is often when those feelings surface.

In which case, she's pretty much asking for you to say 'no' to her over the icecream to give her a reason to be upset and cry and let it all out. It's not about the icecream, it's just a way to let her have a reason to cry, and be comforted, and listened to.

Hope you have a good rest of holiday, OP. They are exhausting with kids but it does get easier as they get bigger, I promise!

Our daughter was four on our first holiday and son was two….we just took lots of ‘ new ‘ toys ie colouring/ stickers/ story books ,excitement of buying an inflatable …bloody tiring but it did work! And also not having high expectations!
It did work and we went there for many years …children now 27and 28 and they want to go back for my big birthday next year!!

Don’t put so much pressure on yourself - or her. She sounds a bit overwhelmed, you said yourself she’s not had a holiday due to lockdown, she’s had to live through lockdown and all the isolation stuff just like we did but for them it’s been a lot to get their heads around, at that age especially.
Just starting nursery, baby groups and all that then total lock down.. it’s all only getting back to normal so they’re just getting back to normal and it has to be so hard for them.

As adults we want to have a good time, not feel embarrassed and enjoy the holiday but really she’s just out of sorts, I honestly would just try and pick my battles, and I’m strict but I think I’d have to try and let things slide, I mean a week of eating crap won’t kill her, She will be ok once home and back into your routine.

I know it’s stressful but try not to get so upset, go with the flow as much as you can, I hope you can enjoy some of this holiday ❤️

I’m sorry to hear you are having a tough time. I hope your time away gets more enjoyable.
I have two DD. After holidays in villas and also resorts I would definitely recommend resorts. We have found All Inclusive family resorts so much more ‘relaxing’ - food and drink available constantly and multiple options…which you don’t need to prepare or clean up after. Also tons of child orientated activities included in the cost.
This isn’t our ideal style of holiday, but whilst our DD are young it definitely seems to work the best for us. I hope you aren’t put off holidays for next year.

I know this is probably obvious but is she getting enough sleep? Routines definitely become more relaxed on holiday and wondering if you're going out for an evening meal when she'd normally be in bed and she's not / won't nap in the day.
(Only speaking from experience as my 4 yr old became the devil child on holiday and we only twigged it was lack of sleep half way through!)

Sorry I have not read everything so this may have already been said.

The food could be a control thing. If she feels she has little control over the day she will take control where she can (not eating, not sleeping etc)

Give her some options - would she like to go to the beach or the playground? The red dress or the blue shorts? Read a story or do some colouring?

It' s a big change for her so explain to her that you are on holiday, tell the story of how you came by car/ plane, tell her how long you will be staying, explain that you will all be together and some of the things you will do together. Tell her some basic rules for the holiday ( one treat per day etc). Tell her that at the end of the holiday you will all go back home together.

Good luck, holidays with kids are not easy but they do get easier.

Get ALOT more fluids in her. I haven't seen where you are but the heat at the moment is a killer for little people even in UK. Their bodies cannot retain enough water. Lollies and fruit like watermelon are good as well as drinks. Getting her rehydrate might make loads of difference.

Also sleep. She's probably getting less sleep than home, and burning more energy with the swimming, bouncing and heat. Try and get an afternoon nap (or siesta if you are in Spain!) That might also help. Or whoever she will crash on a deckchair - just cover her with a sunshade!

My 8yr old struggled this year (tbf as did the teens and the adults!) With not having done the sun holiday for several years it's exhausting.

Could you draw out a little schedule for the day to help her know what is going to happen? Maybe it's the change of routine?

I would have said no that’s not normal until I read all the comments, it seems we were lucky. We travelled all over with ours from babies, maybe they just got used to it and it became the norm, the first one was 3 months old, I only have happy memories of those years?
The only awful holidays I can remember were the stroppy teenage years !

Sounds normal. My only suggestion is to stick to child friendly activities as much as possible, things you’ll know she’ll enjoy. If she’s happy you might be able to enjoy it a little. Keep it as easy and simple as you can. Is it just you and DD? If so you may feel shattered because it’s non-stop - also normal at this age unfortunately