My children are like wild animals

[TiredYorkshireMam]

Don't really know what I'm after here, just having a moan. I know I'm being mardy but I'm having a bad day / week.

I have a 5 year old who is ok on his own, and a 2.5 year old who is hard work on his own, just because of his age. But together, omg they are like a pack of wild animals.

Just had a big shop delivered. They pounced all over it like a pack of hyenas. Toilet rolls and bread squashed to buggery. Packets ripped open, things dragged all over the house.

House is always a tip. Can never find anything. Just so much junk and toys. We moved 1.5 years ago to a bigger house but it's still too small because of all the crap. I keep trying to get rid of stuff but they run around at the back of me pulling stuff out bags and dragging it back into their rooms. Trying to do it when they are not here, but they are always here. I'm either working or I'm looking after them, I don't get time away from them.

5 year old started football club a while ago. Got him pair of secondhand boots about a month ago. Brought them home, put them on side - haven't seen them since. Just vanished. Will be under a mountain of crap somewhere no doubt but that's been a month now and no sign.

They are always screeching to do things and for me to set up games etc, but they lose interest almost as soon as it's set up, or they just start fighting.

They are having their dinner just now. 5 year old is a good eater but 2.5 yo won't sit on his arse. Constantly getting up and running about. Eventually I sat down to have my own dinner and he starts screaming and grabbing at the food in my mouth same food as is on his plate.

Had planned to take them swimming this afternoon as 5 yo has been asking for ages but can't find swim suits. Not where I put them.

It's my mams birthday on Monday and I'd put her present on the table ready to be wrapped. They were painting at the other end of the table yesterday and spilled the cup of water for their brushes but didn't tell me, so my mams present is sodden as the water has ran across the table and seeped under it.

They are always running about screeching and crying, but they won't just play together, they follow me room to room, grabbing at me and climbing on me, and I feel like I can't just get a minute alone with my thoughts.

They fight a lot and knock lumps out each other and I feel like I am constantly refereeing them. I feel like they feed off my stress and involvement so I think Im just going to have to leave them to it to fight it out amongst themselves.

They have me and my husband run ragged and I do feel they feed off it and we need to stop. It's just so unpleasant in our house, so much screaming and unhappiness (they have nothing to be unhappy about, they have pretty good lives).

2.5 yo screeching and whinging just goes through me like a dagger. If he sees something he wants, like an apple or something, he will immediately start screeching and screaming for it. Omg, you can have it, it's not an issue, just take it, have it, you don't have to screech at me!!!

I just feel so drained. I don't like the parent I am. Sometimes I put the tv on and end up shouting at them "just watch the tv!!!! Just sit down and zip it, for 5 minutes!" because I just cannot cope with them running around me, screeching and grabbing at me all day.

I find being at home impossible so we usually try to get up and out, but we are waiting on a plumber this morning so are stuck here until 2ish. And to be honest I find being out just as hard for other reasons. The 2.5 yo has no sense of danger and it is so stressful. They also never eat / drink when they are supposed to and they screech that they are hungry : thirsty or the 5 yo will need the loo, at the most inopportune moment, and I'm so physically tired of dragging myself around laden down with bags and snacks and bikes and scooters.

Sorry, that really was a moan. I'm just so bored of it all

....just read that back and they sound awful.

They really are very sweet kids. It's all just a bit much.

Do you work? I think some people suit caring for children full time and some people don’t. My advice would be to go back to work if you don’t, get wrap around care for the kids. Use holiday clubs where you can and a cleaner if you can afford it.

Sounds difficult.

When they started pulling the shopping to pieces - what do you do?

God yes, I do work. I absolutely couldn't do this full time.

I work Monday-Thursday, off on a Friday.

Cleaner would be a stress financially just now. Also, a cleaner wouldn't even be able to "clean." I have to move piles of stuff just to be able to clean. It's the mountains of toys and books and piles of washing that are the problem. I was very minimalist before having kids and I find all their clutter very overwhelming. Trying to get rid of a lot of it.

@Bumpsadaisie I guess I shout at them to stop, which I suppose isn't great

And they just ignore me. They have no impulse control and when they are excited just can't stop themselves.

Could have written this!!! This is my life also day in day out, I am not cut out for it at all! I also take them out all day if possible, they don’t play with toys or activities at all at home all they want to do is watch tv or play ( scream at each other and me) in the garden!! My neighbours must think it’s a zoo next door🤪
I work part time I seriously consider full time as everyday is” anything to pass the day”

Re the toys, have you tried toy rotation? You basically buy 6 or 8 of those big plastic see through boxes and sort all the toys into them. Then you put 2 boxes out for the kids for one or two weeks and they play only with those. Then swap over.

This helps to keep them focused on a few specific toys at a time AND helps get rid of toy clutter.

Stop giving in to the screeching. It'll get worse for a while. Then it'll reduce.

Please get your DH to take them out all weekend and get on top of the clutter in your house. You need less of everything.

Fewer toys (you could rotate - keep some in the loft), safe places to leave things out of their reach etc. fewer clothes so the get washed and worn again without necessarily being put away in between.

We have 4DC and this really helped. Fewer toys, minimal clothes, can't sit on a chair then they get strapped into a booster seat and ignore the tantrums.

Shopping arrives - warn children it is about to arrive and state the rules: "The shopping will go on the kitchen working surface and I will unpack it and give you thigs to put away for me one at a time - let's see how tidily you can do it, and if you can guess where each thing goes." Then lots of praise when they get it right. Anything can be a game for children and an opportunity to praise good behaviour.

Ahh I know people will tell you this constantly but it does get easier. It really does.

Kids are arseholes from the age of 2-4. Then you start to see the light.

Mine are now 7 and 5 and I must admit life is much, much easier for me now. My siblings are still struggling in they toddler phase and it’s so hard. I dithered for a while about having a third but to be honest we can’t face going through that period again.

But my youngest starts school in August and at the same time I am teary about how fast the time has passed (even though I know the days are long and hard and lonely).

@Micemice so nice to speak to someone else who gets it!!

It's so hard isn't it?

I think as well the issue is that they don't know what they want.

Mine think they would love to watch tv all day and screech at me for tv. But on the few occasions I have let them do that (rainy day / not feeling well or whatever) they end up really antsy and out of sorts due to all the pent up energy they have and I can see them getting frustrated and then they just explode.

They definitely need out for a good run about and to blow off steam everyday but sometimes they don't want to, because they don't really know what they want, and that is a struggle.

I'm praying things will get better 🙏
How old are yours?

Yes, I think this is what I need to do.

My children are 6 months older than yours and it’s hard work at that age.

I always go by the motto nothing changes unless you change things.

Start sitting down and eating all together. Close the door so the two year old can’t leave the room. Ignore them when they leave the table but lots of interaction when sitting at the table. My kids still need regular snacks.

What happened when they started messing around with the shopping. I would have told them to stop and sent them off to play in the livingroom.

The clutter and not putting things away where they are meant to be is down to you and your partner. It’s easy with kids for lots of stuff to build up but you need to get on top of it.

Yes, I do try. I agree it definitely works. Too much overwhelms them.

We have some family members who drop round big packs of plastic toys every so often and my heart just sinks when they do it.

I worked Monday - Thursday when my dc were that age.

Could you book the youngest into nursery for a Friday, even if it's for half a day to try and have a bit to yourself and the house? I did that and it literally was the only thing that kept me going.

It was a struggle financially but mentally it was essential.

Our kids are a little younger, but not far off this level of feral and my husband's complaint would be the endless ordering and reordering I insist on as a coping mechanism. I'm bordering on rottie-like about it because what is the point of getting a nice kit bag per child for the swimming stuff if they promptly disappear behind three identical winter puffer vests than should have been in the attic for 6 months?

A cleaner saved my life, not because she is a great cleaner (she is) but because I WILL NOT have the level of silt and stuff everywhere when someone is visiting to work. It's about a level of respect, which is somehow much easier for people from outside the house. Like how kids test boundaries with primary carers and are angels elsewhere.

That and outside is everybody's friend. The exhaustion is real, but at least down the park you can buy a coffee too.

@RandomMess yes, you are right. This is what we are trying to do.

Haven't thought of a booster seat for dining chair. Will give that a go, thank you.

Discipline them. That’s what lacking here. They don’t respect their home, possessions you or each other. Discipline them.

"If you ask quietly and nicely then you can have an apple." It is better to say a positive statement like that than tell them to stop shrieking.

Honestly they need some rules - and one will be if you shriek and shout you do not get what you want.

Children often run wild when there are no rules and they are frightened by this - they feel safer when they know what the rules are and what is expected of them. It is tedious to start with - you can get pretty bored with saying these things, but truly they will get the rules in the end - there just have to be some!! You and your OH need to have a united front on what the rules are, so they cannot play one of you off against the other.

Think of positive statements and use those as much as you can.

@Flopisfatteningbingforchristmas that's part of the issue - I told them to stop and to go into the living room. They don't listen to me. They have no impulse control. Shopping delivery is like Christmas morning to them. Nothing particularly interesting in it, they just love the excitement for some reason.

I hate it, I end up shouting and it's so ineffectual. But I don't know what else to go

I have a 3 year old and 6 year old. They are sometimes hard work but mostly ok and will do what they're told and behave themselves to a reasonable degree.

I'm quite firm when it comes to bad behaviour, always have been. I'm far from perfect, sometimes rely too much on the TV.
About the mess, have you any reasonable storage? My kids have loads of toys and the place gets very messy buy there is broadly a place for everything, so it can be tidied quite quickly. It's never super tidy but can be tidy enough. We have a big toy cupboard in the sitting room, and lots of the ikea box storage around too.
About the behaviour, I would be extremely firm about wrecking the shopping, I would physically stop them, and tell them off and if they didn't stop there would be a consequence.
Same with the 2.5 Yr old and pulling at your food. My 3 year old has been a right pain about food at times, but I have always been clear that "I am allowed to eat too" . If he was being ridiculous about his plate I would (after fair warning) move his plate into the kitchen. He would then back down and agree to eat it. He's fine now about it.

I am definitely a little short tempered but the benefits of not tolerating poor behaviour without consequence is now paying off. I hope things improve for you, its tough going.

Huh? The solution to badly behaved children is to put them in childcare?

They’re her kids - regardless of whether she looks after them full or part time, if she wants to have any sort of relationship with them as they get older then OP needs to find a solution, not just wash her hands of it.

You don’t know if they’re badly behaved or not. What we know is the OP is struggling to cope. Some people are cut out for child raising and some people aren’t. I’d rather the children were cared for adequately in a clean up chaotic house than the OP continue to struggle. Hence my suggestion.

With the younger one he's perhaps too young to follow the instructions. Instead of asking him to go to the living room take him there yourself.

When the shopping arrives would it work if you asked them to do take items out of one bag a piece at a time to pass to you. Directing what they do more and focusing on supervising them unpacking at putting away over you trying to do it "quickly"?