I absolutely fucking hate my life

[pedropony76]

I have a 14m old DD and a 2m old DS and I just hate my life. So many details that I can’t even get into right now but all I want is for their dad to not be a shit dad. All I want is to get some sleep. All I want is to have more help but if I’m being honest, all I want is to not have these kids and go back to my old life.

I hate being a single mum in a one bedroom flat. I get minimal sleep and have to sleep with DS in the living room so we don’t wake DD. It’s such a joke I just hate everything and really wanted to rant. So tired of crying every night and struggling by myself why the world goes by

Im sorry. Is there anything you can do to make it better in a little way? Do you have support?
Having little kids is so so hard.

Oh that sounds super tough
It's really hard having two such young DCs

I hope you have someone IRL who you can talk to but it not rant away on here xxxx
Am single mum to 3 DVd now in teenage years but recall those tough years early in when I felt so alone and exhausted xxx 😟😞😞

3DCs soz not 3 dvds!

I have no good advice but I just wanted to say that the way you’re feeling is completely understandable and your life sounds INCREDIBLY tough. One day your babies will be grown up and they will know how much you loved them and sacrificed for them and it will all be worth it. Two under two is brutal even with the best support system so please be kind to yourself and if you have anybody who you trust to have your kiddos for a few hours even, ask them and don’t feel bad about taking the help. I hope things improve for you soon xxx

Does your Health Visitor know you’re struggling? There might be an organisation like home start locally that could offer you some practical support to give you a break. Maybe take your eldest out or both to the park while you sleep even.

It sounds awful. How well does DS sleep? Could you transfer him to DD room after they are both asleep to get a little space and time for yourself in the evening?

Thank you for the nice comments.

I have a bit of help from my mum who has my DD two nights a week. However my main issue is the lack of sleep. I really can’t function when I’ve hardly slept. I really struggle.

The kids dad was staying over every night to look after DS whilst I got some sleep but I had to put a stop to that as he’s just too disrespectful. He takes me for a dickhead and will constantly take the piss in my own home. Now I feel like I’ve cut off my nose to spite my face all in the name of self respect. I’m just exhausted and I feel like I had both of these kids due to false pretences. Now I’m a single mum struggling with two kids. Bloody great

I’m not under the care of the Health Visitor to no luck there.

DS can sometimes sleep 7/8hrs a night but tonight he’s refusing to sleep. I’ve been awake with him since 5am so I’m just so exhausted. Him and DD never sleep at the same time and would wake each other up so there’s no point anyway

Hello, I'm sorry I don't have any practical advice but all I know is you won't be in this predicament forever.

Honestly, the days feel like years as a single mum. One day sooner than you think, you'll be stood in the kitchen in a daydream, busy worrying about why their damn PE kit has disappeared again this week and suddenly remember that 6 months ago neither of them would sleep EVER and you actually thought you might actually die from exhaustion.... you get through it. Blood, sweat and tears.

EVERYTHING is difficult right now but there'll come a day where it's not anymore. It's sooner than you think

I really feel for you. It’s hard having two tiny children at the best of times, with support around, never mind doing it alone. Sleep deprivation makes everything so much worse.
Could you contact Home Start for some support - they might be able to send a volunteer round just to give you a little break? It’s not much consolation right now but this intense stage will pass and things will get easier. You’re setting a great example to your children by refusing to put up with a disrespectful partner so you should be very proud of yourself even though it’s so difficult right now. Sending you lots of love 💕

Sorry it’s so tough right now, if I could come round and watch them for you I would! Everything is so temporary and just think ‘this doesn’t last forever’. They really won’t be little for long and your youngest will hopefully start sleeping longer then maybe both will sleep all night and you’ll get a full nights sleep. The first few months is such a guddle even in good circumstances. I lived in a one bedroom flat for a few months while DS was tiny and every time we needed the toilet we basically disturbed him by walking through the bedroom again. We were falling over our stuff and it was just a nightmare, it was slowly driving me mad. Could you stay with your mum? Would that be any better? Could you set up times where their dad takes them and you don’t have to be involved to save him causing issues for you?

I know it’s really hard right now. That’s 2 babies in a year you’ve had and you deserve a huge medal for that!.
HOWEVER, my children are 16,12,9 years old and life is Sooo much easier now and that time went by incredibly quick!
before you know it the nappy changes and sleepless nights will be a thing of the past and you’ll be sat on the sofa in silence reminiscing about the times they used to call you mummy and dance and jump about the living room.

my best advice to you is to get out of the house every single day. Sit in a park, or just anywhere in nature that’s peaceful.
also be honest with anyone you are close with (if you have someone) don’t be afraid to be vulnerable and seek help.
This is at most a few years of struggle before your full on mum duties end.
wont be long and they’ll be washing themselves, even making their own lunch. Hard to contemplate right now but it soon creeps up.

Thanks again for the comments.

Thanks for the suggestion of Home Start, I’ve never heard of it so will have a look at what that is.

The main reason why I struggle is because I spend all day every day looking after two babies and now I have to be up with DS in the night. I’ve been awake for 19 hours, this is so brutal it’s unreal. I’d love a nanny who could replace me in the night but of course I don’t have money for that.

I’m so bitter and angry that their dad can go back to mummy’s house where everything’s done for him whilst I have to struggle with his two kids. It’s just not right. I have been thinking I’ll ask him to have the kids once a week but I know he’ll say no and make up excuses like he doesn’t have cots for them etc

my best advice to you is to get out of the house every single day. Sit in a park, or just anywhere in nature that’s peaceful.

The lift has been out for 3 weeks so I can’t even do that!🤣 how fucking shit is this

Sorry I feel like I’m being so negative to peoples suggestions. I’m just so miserable all the time now

Have you tried white noise? Simple but very effective.

As for the dad well buy or ask around for a free or cheap travel cot and he can start pulling his weight.

They're really close in age & you must have split with the Dad either just before or just after having DS.

You do have support as your Mum has DD two nights a week.

Try to get them both into same routine. I have slightly bigger age gap but was determined to get them napping same time at lunch. That was a big help when they did.

Can the Dad pay for childminder a couple of mornings a week so you get a break? There could be council funding for that? I know of single parents who were finding things difficult who got a few hours a week free.

It will get easier & being in a one bed flat must be challenging.

Could the dad stay in your house with the kids one night a week while you go to your mum's by yourself?

God I feel for you so much, I really do. Google your local Early Help team, or contact your nearest children's centre and tell them how hard things are for you right now. They should be able to provide you with a family support worker or tell you what other support is available for you. Sending strength.

If you are in the UK you can absolutely contact your HV for advice and support. If your DCs have a red book the HV number will be in there, or your GP surgery website should have it on there. I am so sorry. It is really tough.

I actually have white noise on for DS now, he’s never really been a fan of it but doesn’t hurt to try.

Their dad doesn’t work so no chance of him paying for a childminder. DS was also in NICU for 6 weeks and has only been out for 4 weeks. It’s not that easy as ‘get them in the same routine.’ He’s had 1001 appointments since he’s been discharged so we never have a normal day.

The thing with their dad staying here is that he has no respect. He doesn’t financially contribute towards his kids at all yet he’ll come to my house to eat food. There’s been numerous occasions I’ve asked him to bring his own food because I can’t keep replacing the things he’s finished and he just doesn’t care. I don’t want him staying in my house anymore because he just takes the piss. That’s why I feel like I’ve cut my nose off to spite my face. Because at least when he’s stayed over, I’ve been able to have a good nights sleep.

I’m so sleep deprived I’m starting to think I should just accept being disrespected all for a good nights sleep. I don’t know anymore.

I’m also not under the care of the health visitor because I opted out. I don’t find them beneficial at all. If anything I’ll go through my GP but there’s never any practical help available. I was under the care of the perinatal team because I was suicidal. I had someone call me to check on my well-being about 4 times. There’s never any point asking for help from professionals because there’s nothing they can do

The lift has been out for 3 weeks so I can’t even do that!🤣 how fucking shit is this

Can you put baby in sling and toddler in a buggy - you need to get out the flat.

Also can your ex partners parents help at all? Surely they could have the 14 month old for an afternoon & take to park or even just a cafe?

Try to get to toddler groups too & you will meet other Muns that way. It's no good for you to have no company.

Home Start is good place to get help - I have a friend who volunteers.

Lock on the fridge?

Sorry yeah @converseandjeans I didn’t mean I’ve been inside for 3 weeks! Baby goes in sling and DD in buggy but I have an infection on my C section incision and have a small opening. So going up and down the stairs is hurting the right side of my hip so badly. I’ve still been trying to make it outside as often as possible though.

I also go to mum & baby groups (well when I was pregnant) so have a few mum friends that live locally.

All that isn’t the issue though. It’s the lack of sleep and exhaustion throughout the day that’s killing me. It’s also my situation with their dad and my living situation. All things that can’t be changed. Thanks so much for the suggestions though x

Their dad doesn’t work so no chance of him paying for a childminder. DS was also in NICU for 6 weeks and has only been out for 4 weeks. It’s not that easy as ‘get them in the same routine.’ He’s had 1001 appointments since he’s been discharged so we never have a normal day.

That sounds difficult, He doesn't sound like a great catch tbh. Hope the baby is ok after being premature.