I absolutely fucking hate my life

[pedropony76]

I have a 14m old DD and a 2m old DS and I just hate my life. So many details that I can’t even get into right now but all I want is for their dad to not be a shit dad. All I want is to get some sleep. All I want is to have more help but if I’m being honest, all I want is to not have these kids and go back to my old life.

I hate being a single mum in a one bedroom flat. I get minimal sleep and have to sleep with DS in the living room so we don’t wake DD. It’s such a joke I just hate everything and really wanted to rant. So tired of crying every night and struggling by myself why the world goes by

Might have to do that😂

Jokes aside, I think that was a great suggestion and I may do it. There’s not much space for me ag my mum’s but I know she’ll make space for me. Maybe he can stay here once or twice a week and I can rest at my mum’s. I think that’ll definitely help my mental health

Can you register with housing associations to get out of living in a one bedroom flat with two children OP

He isn’t a great catch at all. I’m 23 and he’s 26. Got pregnant with DD when I was 21 and he was 23. Looking back I should have had an abortion but I just couldn’t bring myself too. Hindsight is an amazing thing though. My mind is often filled with ‘I wish I never did xyz’ and so on.

Thank you! DS wasn’t premature though. He was 39+1 but had so many issues from needing oxygen to having seizures and needing constant brain scans and MRIs. All with no explanation as to why any of this happens. It’s the strangest thing

Yeah, I’ve actually been bidding since September last year. I’m currently private renting and entitled to a two bed council place but the waiting list is never ending.

The borough I live in is SO overcrowded I believe I’ll be bidding for around 6 years which is another thing that gets me down. I just feel like I’ve failed my kids massively and their lives and only just started

Would you consider moving out of the area?

Hell you haven't failed them. Their waste of space dad maybe has but that's not your fault.

I hope you find something that works. It is not wrong to need a break.

This is maybe a bit out there but a single mum I know home shared with another single mum during COVID to have a bit of mutual support.

I think anyone would struggle with having to deal with the health issues in a newborn. It sounds like it's been a stressful first 8 weeks.

It will get easier.

If you are holding yourself up to high standards of tidiness etc at home then now is time to lower them temporarily. 14months is a really, really tough age. You can’t take your eyes off them even for a second.
Prioritise rest/snoozing over everything! If the baby is sleeping then is there any tv your 14month old is mesmerised by. Check out the baby Einstein on YouTube as one of my dc at that age could watch it for up to an hour without moving. And there you can catch a quick nap sitting next to them. ‘Mummy is resting, it’s quiet time now’
my other dd was more in to pocoyo. Find what works but don’t rely on tv too much as it’s all very active and stimulating!
don’t feel guilty about too much screen time!!

consider a buggy board/ combo for the near future so you can stay out for longer with both children without the weight of the sling around you?

sorry if of these suggestions help or if you have already tried it.
it is such miserable times, plus you had the nicu.

even though it’s true what people say and it does go fast. I still look back to that phase and am so glad it’s over. It’s really hard - be super kind to yourself.

Is there anywhere to leave the buggy downstairs locked with a bike chain? I’ve lived in flats and when lift is broken they’ll be more lenient about leaving stuff downstairs - you can leave a note saying which flat it belongs to.
and if you can keep complaining about the lift to your landlord - it takes energy but you need that lift working!!

Could any neighbours regularly help you get the babies downstairs in the morning until the lift is fixed? Perhaps when they are leaving for work/college/uni? Then you go go for a trip to the park.

There’s been some great suggestions so thank you for that.

I’ve thought about moving areas but my whole family lives in Zone 1 London. If I move, I really won’t have any support at all and I’ll really be on my own with two kids.

I sometimes have DD watch TV but she’s always on the move so I can barely rest anyway. I have no neighbours who I’m friendly with enough to ask them to help me down the stairs however if someone sees me, they do offer to help. The lift should be fixed by the end of the day so hopefully that makes it easier to be out and about.

I’m grateful for the suggestions but my issue is, I’m so bitter towards their dad and I’m filled with resentment. I pay for EVERYTHING. Everything that the kids need and I never have any money for myself. On top of that, we’re in a squashed up flat and can’t all sleep in the same room. Yesterday DD woke up DS so we had to move back to the front room. It’s just hell and I hate everything

speak to HomeStart, see if they can offer you some hands on support. Well worth it!

My DS has a shit dad too. I wound myself up being angry, and trying to fix him, arguing and more. it just made me more tired and ill. In the end when I accepted he would never change, and focussed instead on supporting my kids the best I could, it got easier (not easy, but a lot easier!).

Do whatever you can that makes life easier e.g. gadgets like tumble drier, robot vaccuum etc (whatever you can afford even second hand).

Try to get a routine in place. Get some MH counselling from the GP.

Hope things get easier for you.

Honestly I can’t think of anything more difficult than what you’re going through right now. You are an absolute hero. Can’t offer much advise that hasn’t been mentioned already but just want to say that you’re doing so well, this part doesn’t last forever….you are an amazing mum. My little one is 19 months and it’s much easier than 14 months, he will sit and watch nursery rhymes on YouTube for around 15 mins now. It will all get easier x

Oh mate. Can you bedshare? Would that help? The 14 month old should be having a substantial daily nap, can you lie down with the baby then too? Are you bottle feeding? If so dad can take them both to his a few nights a week?

@lonelydad2022 do fuck off with your judgement. I think what OP is saying is the father of her children provides no practical or financial support with their children, why should she do everything!!! It's irrelevant if the government pay some (probably meagre) benefits (to which she is entitled and has likely paid into the tax system for years prior).

@lonelydad2022 "classy man", coming on a site that supports women and basically slating them because they are seeking emotional support because the useless the father of the kids doesn't support them in any way, which, if you've been in the situation, you would know is one of the most difficult situations to be in. Show some compassion.

I think I would prefer to be disrespected and get a decent night's sleep.
I would just try to block out stupid comments from him and think of the sleep.

Hey hon, just message of support this sounds really tough.

I know you are short of sleep so I won't suggest anything complicated.

Hope what people have mentioned already might be of use.

Sounds like you have shed loads to cope with. Wondering how your finances are right now...

A support worker might be able to help you with those so that you can afford some paid help? I know it seems like a pipe dream.

Also CSA for maintenance. Honestly it is a priority as it would make things easier.

All the best for healing after C section.

Drink plenty of water. Well done on getting yourself out.

big hug

London zone 1 is a chain around your neck in this situation. Get out somewhere cheaper where you can build a life, get suitable accommodation and actually have some quality of life. Buses etc for visiting famly. If you want better for your own children then this is a way to do it.

the peanut app might be helpful as lots of mums on there chatting when you need some company

Her family is there.

@lonelydad2022 is that a joke?

The government pays for my rent because I’m private renting and I get an amount for being a single parent. All of which goes on bills. All I have to live on is my SMP as you know, I do work. Why don’t you direct your energy to my kids shit dad who doesn’t even contribute a fiver towards them.

I don’t know what you get out of coming to the parenting page and trying to kick someone whilst they’re down but you can seriously fuck off. Go and bother someone on aibu

Ok