Partner wants me to contribute 50% while on mat leavr

[Sarahmumsie]

I feel so upset and feel like my partner is being so cheap

I’m on a decent wage and have a good maternity package which is 50% of my pay for a year. My partner and I are on the same salary when I’m at full pay so we’ve always kind of halved everything.

Given my pay has now been halved. When I asked my partner if I could pay less rent now (50/50 before) while on Mat leave it ended up turning into a huge argument. Eventually he now has agreed for me to pay a $100 less a fortnight (we pay $800 each before) so the difference feels like an insult and he was so angry at me for paying less.

I also pay for most of babies daily needs, nappies, wipes, etc because I’m with him 24/7 he pays barely any of the daily costs

Like WTF I feel like everything should just be shared now anyway but he wants to keep our own money. I just feel so upset at the situation, it makes me feel like I’m just not enough, like i don’t deserve the support I am providing for our family. I feel I deserve better

Ask him for child maintenance to cover your child's part share

I am so sorry that your partner is such a lowlife cunt. I am truly. This will not get better, just worse. As difficult as it may feel you need to leave this man now. You will NEVER be a happy family. Garner any support you can from family and friends and leave.

This thread has been eye opening for me. I didn’t pay any less towards mortgage etc when I had my DS (though we had saved jointly and I used some of that to pay my share). We’re now planning a second but this time won’t have the luxury of savings, it would never have occurred to me that my partner should pay more (we will be having that conversation now though!)

Nursery will cost a fortune. Is he aware of this?

How about when your baby is unwell (happens regularly when they attend childcare)- who will take the time off?

I think this will be the start of a series of problems.

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who was like this- he’s incredibly selfish.

I started my maternity leave just over a year ago with the mindset of my maternity pay is enough to cover my half of the bills, so should be spent on that. Anything extra should come from my savings. Luckily I had enough to cover it (complemented by able to work from home when the SMP ran out). By the end of my maternity leave, I am so angry at and resentful of my husband. He complained about using his savings when he has more savings now than he’s ever had in his life. He’s still in the same crappy low paid job he was in last year and he’s left me to do most of the childcare. If he does something for the kid, or round the house, he expects something in return. He would alternate saying ‘but she’s your kid too’ or ‘let me know if you need any money’ when I talked about charging him for childcare, and when I told him I was down my last £60 (to last 3 weeks) he didn’t offer anything at all. I thought he was broke and didn’t push it, but I only found out how much savings he has after I went back to work.

He started pushing for a second kid and was annoyed at me for not wanting one, but I think he’s changed his mind since he has to pay for childcare now.

OP, if you aren’t happy with that arrangement now, you will be even more angry once baby comes and you have to do a lot more work for a lot less money and sleep.

Such a depressing read. Leave him, go work full time, put child in nursery and get child support from him. Dont stay with this loser

Why do so many men turn out to be abusive cunts?

Ok fine bill Him for half of your child caring hours (your usual hourly rate will do) and half of all kids shopping

Keep the receipts for baby items.
Then when it is time to send your monthly 50% contribution deduct half the amount from what you usually pay.
Also deduct half the cost of a nursery place. Same for the x hours of housework you do during the day, the rate for a cleaner is 14£/h around here…

If he is not happy (I imagine he won’t be) ask him seriously why he assumed you would pay for childcare (loss of salary) and baby items on your own.

This is mad.
I don’t understand why he’d think if you were getting 50% less than what you used to you’d still be contributing the same amount.

I think this thread is a good eye opener for anyone planning to have a baby soon.

Was there a prior agreement between you and your partner that having a baby would be your personal project, rather than a joint one, and that you would absorb all the associated costs? If not, then yes, he is being cheap. If he won't accept a radical revision of your financial arrangements, you might be better off leaving him and putting in a CMS claim.

Charge him for looking after his child everyday. Extra costs for carrying his child for 9 months. More costs for giving birth to his child. What a cheeky git he is.
He should be supporting you.

Bill the arsehole for childcare.

Oh god, this isn't good. Even if you don't go down the shared finances route (which has a lot going got it), it's only logical that as you're both having this child, that any expenses that arise because of the child are shared. Losing half your salary whilst on MAT leave is a significant expense, your OH needs to be taking on that expense too. If he's behaving like this now, what's he going to be like when you need to buy stuff for the baby, or when you need to pay for childcare. Is it all going to fall on you? That's what he seems to be suggesting, if he things it's reasonable that you're the only one taking the financial hit. Honestly, if he won't budge on this, I'd LTB. I suspect doing so now would save a whole lot of heartache going forward.

Oh no, this is not how it should be
You don;t have to do anything immediately but I would be thinking whether this could possibly work long term, he sounds very unsupportive.

I would want to leave him too!

I’m curious why you honestly thought he would step up. What are his good points that made you expect him to change his ways? Is there something there that ought to give you hope this situation can be salvaged? Or was that more wishful thinking on your part because you wanted a child with his so much? I think honestly answering this question could help you decide whether to cut your losses ASAP or whether to try and make him see sense.

Yeah...this is kind of why you have a joint account, and why the whole idea of marriage is a union of assets. Although given plenty of husbands are also utter cunts about this, I guess maybe cunts will just be cunts. Go find another guy.

OP, can you return to work early, so you go back to full salary? That might put you in a better financial position if you do leave

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I can't believe people go into parenthood without discussing this stuff first! I also don't understand the separate finances thing either, but I guess that comes from it being something we've never done. As soon as we moved in together (way before dc) everything was pooled.
He's being massively unreasonable, but you were too to not have the conversation before now.

He sounds like my father was. Incredibly emotive about money . His whole family is like that, they are terrified of losing/ spending money, be that paying over the odds for a taxi ride, paying for holidays, paying that bit more for petrol because they don’t have enough in the tank to get to the town’s cheapest petrol station, etc, etc. The fear of losing money unleashes unreasonable behaviour, rages etc. I think it comes from their childhood, their fathers attitude to money, and probably his every mood being linked to his financial status at any one time. Would have been good if dad had had counselling about this but he never would have considered it so we all had to suffer his money related mood swings.

Oh, sorry, just caught up with your other posts op. You're well out of it imo.

There is nothing more unattractive than a man who won't contribute to his own family's welfare.

Perhaps he could ask his colleagues what they think - I'd be surprised if any of them live like that.

If he's going to insist that the finances remain 50:50, then the childcare and chores must also remain 50:50.

Ask him how he plans to cover his 3.5 days of childcare /week. And don't forget his 3 overnights on baby-duty.

And point out to him that if you split up that this will still apply. Point out that you are looking forward to the 3.5 days when your child will be staying with him.