Partner wants me to contribute 50% while on mat leavr

[Sarahmumsie]

I feel so upset and feel like my partner is being so cheap

I’m on a decent wage and have a good maternity package which is 50% of my pay for a year. My partner and I are on the same salary when I’m at full pay so we’ve always kind of halved everything.

Given my pay has now been halved. When I asked my partner if I could pay less rent now (50/50 before) while on Mat leave it ended up turning into a huge argument. Eventually he now has agreed for me to pay a $100 less a fortnight (we pay $800 each before) so the difference feels like an insult and he was so angry at me for paying less.

I also pay for most of babies daily needs, nappies, wipes, etc because I’m with him 24/7 he pays barely any of the daily costs

Like WTF I feel like everything should just be shared now anyway but he wants to keep our own money. I just feel so upset at the situation, it makes me feel like I’m just not enough, like i don’t deserve the support I am providing for our family. I feel I deserve better

Tell that’s fine and ask him if you wants to do the first or the second half of the week of childcare if you’re doing 50% of everything.

Charge him for the childcare you are providing him for free at the moment. He currently purchases 8+ hours/day of one to one childcare. I hope you live in London, where that bill will outstrip his rent contribution!

But also.. LTB.

Thanks so much for the support. It has really opened my eyes to feel that I’m right to feel this way. I actually feel I want to leave him.

And yes this cheapness was from before I was pregnant. It was almost like because I wanted to have this baby more than him, (which feels that way) I had to wear the cost in his eyes

Well he sounds like a great partner & dad. WTF

He is being very unfair, but why is this only being discussed now, that may be causing the issues as he has had thia sprung on him, and to suddenly find that much extra money every month.

As soon as i was pregnant i worked out how much money i would be losing and told my DP how much extra he would have to contribute so he had plenty of time to plan and save to cover the shortfall for when i went onto SMP.

Honestly OP, you aren't asking, you need to be telling him he has to cover £x a month

I can’t stand men with this attitude. Why do they think they don’t have any financial responsibility for their own child?

This hasn’t been sprung on him. And I never actually thought I’d be dealing with this until I am here, I thought he’d step up to support better, I really did. Tbh I can look after myself and my baby without him. That doesn’t mean that’s expected

I realise this is probably going to get some strong negative reactions but can someone please explain to me why still doing 50:50 is seen as so bad? (I mean everything split equally, including all baby stuff)

I would send him an invoice for childcare in that case...

I would send him an invoice for childcare in that case...

So many, how are there still so many useless selfish men, my ex included.

OP is he going to split nursery fees or does he think the child is just yours? That attitude and selfishness would put me right off and he would be gone.

Because when you are a family there is usually one person who has a lesser earning potential/career is limited due to the child. This is often, but not always the woman.

It is therefore not fair that one partner has a much higher level of disposable income than the other when they have joint responsibility for their child.

Write out an invoice with these bullet points:

Childcare
Housekeeping

At minimum wage per hour.
Total it up for a week, then month.

Ask him to pay you.
Or you split your family money equally.

If he wants to be fair about it you should pay 25% and he should pay 75% until you go back to work. But you should be putting all the baby expenses through your joint account too

Charge him for childcare.

Did you not discuss the financials before deciding to have a baby with your partner?

He has used you to birth his child and is now using you to provide free childcare and to pay for all his child needs and it is only costing him $50 a week.

Why are you allowing a male of the species to treat you like this? Time to find your self respect and leave. Make sure you put in a claim for child maintenance the minute you leave this horrible specimen.

You do deserve better

He is never going to step up, men like this never do

Oh god, leave this misogynist prick before you have the baby.

He's uncapable of being a decent partner or father.

"It was almost like because I wanted to have this baby more than him, (which feels that way) I had to wear the cost in his eyes"

• ah, that old chestnut. To him it's "your" baby so you have to pay in £ and freedom and sheer hard work to have what "you" wanted. I fell for this one too - I felt so guilty for pushing for having a baby that I completely forgot that a foundation stone of our marriage was that we would have children within two years, and that that was what he wanted.

When he kept delaying TTC I should have walked. Oh well, too late now.

Maybe he'll be happier paying maintenance.

How would he cope if it was flipped? No not at all.

What a wanker.

This. He is not exactly your partner. You were sharing rent and now you happen to have a child with him. That he does not care for. Open your eyes. It will only get worse.

50/50 is fine when you are boyfriend and girlfriend.

But once you form a family then you should pull your resources together for the family.

Sometimes one person will earn more than the other but it shouldn't matter. It should be 'our' money not 'his' and 'hers'.

So, it sounds like, from your follow up posts, that he wasn't as keen as you on having a baby. Do you think he feels he was forced into becoming a father and is punishing you for this?

Did he agree to have a baby? He should have mentioned this at the time, babies aren’t free!

Yes he is being very selfish- I’d suggest the childcare option and (if you plan to return to work) who is paying these costs then?!

I’d also point out you would be better off financially without him there.

Men like him aren’t often that bothered if they have kids
but if they do they see it as they are doing the women a favour so if she wants a baby she Can have one but it’s down to pay for everything

Im sure the signs were there