Partner wants me to contribute 50% while on mat leavr

[Sarahmumsie]

I feel so upset and feel like my partner is being so cheap

I’m on a decent wage and have a good maternity package which is 50% of my pay for a year. My partner and I are on the same salary when I’m at full pay so we’ve always kind of halved everything.

Given my pay has now been halved. When I asked my partner if I could pay less rent now (50/50 before) while on Mat leave it ended up turning into a huge argument. Eventually he now has agreed for me to pay a $100 less a fortnight (we pay $800 each before) so the difference feels like an insult and he was so angry at me for paying less.

I also pay for most of babies daily needs, nappies, wipes, etc because I’m with him 24/7 he pays barely any of the daily costs

Like WTF I feel like everything should just be shared now anyway but he wants to keep our own money. I just feel so upset at the situation, it makes me feel like I’m just not enough, like i don’t deserve the support I am providing for our family. I feel I deserve better

This sums it all up proper discussion work out costs and income.

You taking a year off was that a joint decision because you get to stay at home and he has to cover the shortfall .

And before we hear the screams for space she's providing free childcare for his child. Realistically the extra 25% of the bills he should be paying would go a long way to his 1/2 of child care if you returned early .

What did you discuss and agree before you agreed to have a baby?

At that point , before you agree to have a baby, as a couple you need to work out how you are going to cover looking after the children and costs.

OP is he going to split nursery fees or does he think the child is just yours? This is hugely important, as are all ongoing costs associated with a DC. You honestly may be better being apart and him being obligated to pay child support.

Go back to work, honestly. You are paying 100% of the costs of a child you share so not only are you absorbing the reduced pay but you are also absorbing his entire share of the child.

And you aren't married so you've no financial security so the ONLY financial security you do have is your job. Because he's proven that he's a selfish fucker who will happily shaft you out of money.

A good man does not do that.

He's not a good man and you can't depend on him, you can only depend on yourself. And now that you know that, what fucking use is he anyway?

And yes this cheapness was from before I was pregnant.

It always is, yet so many woman ignore it.

I thought he’d step up to support better, I really did.

This never happens, and he will probably get much worse. Get out now before a split will affect your child.

It's absolutely fine if you're both earning the same or similar amounts

If not fair if a woman goes down to half pay on maternity leave to look after a joint child and is still expected to pay 50/50 while the partner pays nothing towards essentials the child needs

Remind him that if you left him he'll be paying a lot of CMA. This kind of selfishness would kill any love I had for him. Tell him that also.

So you have the baby 24/7, a 50% pay cut and he doesn't have any changes. You should be paying 25% max and gr should still be contributing towards the child's cost. Alternatively, everything goes in the pot and split equally after bills. If I was you I'd go back to work. He doesn't respect your contribution. In the time your on maternity he is paying into his pension. He has the potential for promotion and pay rise. You have all the cost (not just financial) and no support. Don't be a fool and have another baby with this Prince.

bill him for half of costs of the baby and childcare

You'll end up leaving him. I mean he's just awful. So start planning.

DH wanted a baby more than I did. But once I agreed, all the responsibility is on both of us and I didn't make him pay more.

Pity you didn't know what he was like before this, but yes you deserve better and I would be having serious words with him or dumping him, assuming the child is his.

What an utter shit. Wave him goodbye and enjoy your life with your beautiful DC.

Yes, I'm calling them equality fuckers(EF), a cousin to cocklodgers .

Rent?? Don't tell me you're paying his mortgage off for him?

Swap roles. Maybe he should look after the baby and still pay the same while you go back to work.

Arrange shared parental leave and tell him he'll have to go 50:50 when he's getting less money

I gather you aren't in the UK, OP. Will you get any govt help if you split with your partner?
I'd ask him to leave and apply for child support.

Easy, you take six months off to care for baby, then he takes six months off to care for baby. And you pay half each because you are doing half the work each!

Or you do all the work and he pays the mortgage for the year.

Sounds like your dp is not committed to parenthood at all.

Is he doing 50% of childcare,laundry,shopping,cleaning,cooking etc too?

Charge him for his half of the childcare and add an extra surcharge for the health risks you took by carrying his baby. Charge him a lot since you're providing the workload of a nanny, not a childminder. And while you're at it, charge him for half the lost wages you took because of carrying his child.

Men are selfish gits, aren't they?

@Ruffelo because her earning are half of what the used to be on maternity leave, because she is taking the full time job of looking after their joint child. She shouldn't be the only one to that the financial hit for having their baby.

Does he plan on being financially responsible at all for his child or does he plan to leave everything to you? I'm starting mat leave soon. I don't share an account with DH as he runs his own business and doesn't really pay himself properly right now just re-investing in business. We have decided he will pay for all groceries which I currently do. He also pays fully for some other bills which he will continue to do. Is it a perfect 'fair' split I'm not really sure but we are both happy with it. Also I use his card every 2nd time when buying baby stuff. When baby starts nursery we will split the cost 50/50

Start going halves for all the baby's stuff and start putting that money aside... that way you'll have better savings for when you leave him!

Yes, you do deserve better. Please don’t have another baby with this sorry excuse for a father. Get out, find someone way more deserving of your love. He is not worth it!

Madasawethen, if they were into equality they would pay their fair share to compensate the woman for the financial loss she's taking to bear and care for THEIR baby on maternity leave. What these "50:50" men are actually doing is valuing pregnancy and childcare as worth ZERO. That is not 50:50.

Prick. Absolute prick.