Am I silly to be upset with mil for pitting child front faceing in car seat when I asked her to rearrange face?

[Sophie1029734]

Hi everyone my lo is 2. I've asked her since the beginning of time to do rear faceing and have explained how it's safer, prevents death and severity of injury during crashes. She seems hell bent on the idea that it hurts her legs when I've said multiple times it does not after lots if time researching it.

Everytime she has come to give me a lift somewhere it's always front faceing. Whenever she takes lo to the car she goes quick and seems to not one to go there to say bye. A new front faceing seats appaeard in her car, saying it was just another family child's car seat (it isn't) she slipped and said she hasn't used the other one for a while.

Am I silly to be upset after realising shes been ignoring my requests to rear face lo? And knowing she is ignoring my requests and actively trying to hide it Car? Car safety is a huge thing for me and I feel my trusts gone a bit. It just makes me wonder what else other requests are disrespected. I know this may not seem a huge issue for some, so am i being silly.

So will you stop her driving your DC? It's as simple as saying that you are not comfortable with forward facing yet, so therefore she can't travel in the the car with her. You don't need it for childcare, so no issue.

I agree that she should have spoken openly about it - though I'd probably expect her to do so to her own son rather than expecting it all to go through 'the child's mother'. Like other posters I wonder what he's said about this.

The other thing I wonder is how easy it is to get the child in and out rear-facing - my mum can only manage it with my toddler in a 'spin' type seat. Again, no excuse not to have an open conversation about it but since OP doesn't use the seat it might not be as practical and easy as she imagines, and so the MiL may not be doing it 'for no reason'.

Ultimately you don't need to justify how you want your child to travel. You are the parent and MIL should respect your wishes. Ima. Granny and I follow to the letter exactly how my children want me to look after their children. I want my children and children in law to trust me like they trust themselves.

Of course she should be respecting your wishes, and I would explicitly say that you need to be able to trust her with the well-being of your children.

😂😂 what world do you live in if you think that's breaking the law

You're right. She's wrong and also rude and selfish for ignoring you request. Your child. Your rules. I wouldn't let my child travel with anyone who ignored my safety rules.

Comparing FF car seats with cocaine in medicine 😆

In case no one else points it out, regarding statistics of risk reduction of FF vs RF….the difference is marginally in the grand scheme of things. Really the safest thing to do to reduce risk is…
don’t put your child in a car.

that’s it. If you put a child in a car, you suddenly expose them to a risk. Any mitigation form seat types is marginal…though granted both are better than no restraint or a seat belt.

most people cannot avoid putting their child in a car. As soon as you do that you are taking a risk. But you also take a risk when letting your child go on climbing frames, learn to climb the stairs, take them swimming, allowing them out on their own for the first time, crossing a road by themselves for the first time You cannot protect your child form all risks. It is about being proportional about the risk mitigation you do.

OP

This is your baby and your rules, if gran doesn't follow them then she can't have her GC alone.

Some people are just not as concerned, especially if they have grown up without current health and safety.

My cousins on my dad's side are all quite a bit younger than me, I think I was 16 when the first one was born and my mum did some stuff that I, at 16 and no experience of children, thought were poor choices.

Things like giving a crawling child a glass jar to play with next to a stone fire place.

She thought baby car seats were a waste of money and now that cars had seatbelts in the back my cousin could just sit on a couple of cushions to see out of the window.

My child would not be getting in her car. End of.

Hi OP. Where did you get this statistic from? I'm wondering if I should change DC to rear-facing. I automatically thought once they're old enough to face forward that's best, because that's what I always see and that's what the instructions for the car seat we have said. Honestly, this is the first time I've ever heard of a child as old as two in a rear-facing seat! Could you please point me in the direction of where you got the stats from so I can weigh up the pros/cons? Thanks! ☺️

rearfacing.ie/

www.besafe.com/en/misconceptions-rear-facing-car-seats/

carseatsite.com/whyrearfacing/

www.carseatadvice-uk.com/choosing-the-right-car-seat.html?fbclid=IwAR0nA-7hBUTmmQ_oFV1Qan3LVKe_tmuHpo6HSeJ1T2_apdfDg_OfyAfAEMs

Not true.

Children's heads are disproportionally larger making the force on their necks in a crash greater and increasing the risk of internal decapitation.

Rear facing is safer for everyone, but much, much safer for under 7s (the age at which head becomes in proportion).

avocadotofu
You're definitely not being silly at all! That's a dangerous thing to do and even if it wasn't she didn't listen to you.“

FF at 2 is not dangerous!

unless the 2 year old is small for her age, I’m struggling to see where her legs are going. Surely they’re squashed against the seat back?

our grandchild is 23 months and would be squashed.

I understand. My DC turn around when they're 6 straight into a hbb. That's my rule. My parents and PIL respected our decisions. They might grumble it's ridiculous but there are some things that are non-negotiable and they respect that. My parents even used to have my DC RF and my brother's DC FF for days out because that's what we each wanted. I would say though it is harder to do the RF seat harnesses though so perhaps it's because she is struggling and doesn't want to admit it. My MIL can't do the harness of DSs seat anymore, so FIL has to strap him in.

You’re not being silly at all. Your MIL is putting your baby at risk despite you having told her the reasons you have chosen to rear face.

But even if it wasn’t a clear cut safety issue, she’d still be being unreasonable. You’re the mum and she is deliberately undermining your parenting decisions.

It would be enough for me to insist on supervised visits only.

Her car her rules if you don't like it dont let her take dd simple really

OP can you not just have a conversation with MIL and ask why there is now only a front-facing seat in her car and how she is transporting DD in that case?

I would just tell her that if she doesn't have a rear-facing seat then she won't be driving DD anymore and that you'll walk her over for visits.

In a legal, safe, FF car seat.

They aren't squashed. My 3yo still rear faces and my 6yo did until he was 5. The 6yo now complains his legs hurt on long journeys but never did rear facing. They tend to cross their legs or put their knees up and a=move their legs around once they get too long to just frog them (see how they sit on the floor, thats how they sit in the rear facing car seat).

Do you sit front facing OP? Or do you sit rear facing?It's no more dangerous for your child than it is for you

Such ignorance

MIL here. I have looked after my 12m GD two days a week since January and so far we have been out precisely 3 times in the car. My car is a two door and I can't turn the airbag off so car seat has to be in the back and had to get a swivel one so I could actually get her in and out without doing my back in, also had to have ISOFIX and tether hook retro fitted (it's a sports car so not fitted as standard).
Got a mirror that fits on headrest but it moves every time you swivel the seat round so have to mess about in and out of the driver's seat to get it right.
Hate not being able to see baby and she hates not being able to see me. Last week she was sick and started choking (well it sounded like it) so I had to stop quickly and sort her out. She was distraught. I was distraught and we had only gone 15 minutes away to my Mum's.

When I think back to the flimsy bit of white plastic that was my son's car carrier then from 9 months on a lump of polystyrene that he travelled the country with me, on great adventures, in the front seat of a car with no redeeming safety features I do roll my eyes a bit.

But and it's a big but, it's their child and their rules.

Actually my lovely sensible son has discussed with DIL and pointed out that forward facing is quite safe and they have started to do this now so DIL is happy for me to do it. Will still do rear facing if a long journey as DH will be with us so one of us can sit in the back.

Looking after grandchildren is quite terrifying compared to bringing up your own.

Stick to your guns OP. If MIL wants to have child then he/she goes in a rear facing seat as per your rules but try not to let it spoil your relationship with MIL.

Trying to picture a PP's 6 year old in a rear facing seat with its legs up on the parcel shelf😂😂😂😂

This

Don't make an issue out of this. Just change your tactic.

Ultimately you want your child rear facing in her car. If the right seat is in and your child strapped in there's nothing for you to worry about.

It will be too much hassle for her to be changing seats in the day from rear facing to front facing.

Take your child yourself to strap them in and wave good bye. Make it into a routine.

If the rear facing seat isn't in then just say oh sorry, she can't travel like this we need the rear facing seat.

Maybe plan ahead to expect this as from what you've said it will be a front facing seat.

Then pop her in the pushchair and say cheerily to MIL that you'll walk to her house to drop off today. She will be left to drive home to wait for you.

Doing this will let her know you aren't letting your child travel in the front facing seat without confrontation.

Really your husband should be the one to have a quiet word with her. This is his mother and his responsibility.

DD is 3.5 and still RF and will be till she hits 25kg. DD2 will be the same. As to where her legs go, they go wherever she wants them to! Bent and resting on seat, crossed over ...

I do agree that the safety difference is unlikely to be huge, assuming it's a decent FF seat and not one of those cheap and nasty Nania or Team Tex seats. But if I had provided a car seat, it's what I would expect to be used. And to me it's no hassle to keep her RF, so why wouldn't I? Safer is safer and there are no negatives for us, so it's a no brainer.

Yep this exactly and my DS is the same age and will be RF til he outgrown his 25kg seat.
He has space for his legs and puts them where he likes.
It's parents choice what they do generally it seems polarising topic because like anything parents don't like something being pointed out that they chose to do could be less safe so get a bee in their bonnet rather then doing their own reading into the topic!

Rear facing is safer for head and neck protection in the event of a crash and the amount of force that goes through that's not fiction that's what the testing has showed.