Am I silly to be upset with mil for pitting child front faceing in car seat when I asked her to rearrange face?

[Sophie1029734]

Hi everyone my lo is 2. I've asked her since the beginning of time to do rear faceing and have explained how it's safer, prevents death and severity of injury during crashes. She seems hell bent on the idea that it hurts her legs when I've said multiple times it does not after lots if time researching it.

Everytime she has come to give me a lift somewhere it's always front faceing. Whenever she takes lo to the car she goes quick and seems to not one to go there to say bye. A new front faceing seats appaeard in her car, saying it was just another family child's car seat (it isn't) she slipped and said she hasn't used the other one for a while.

Am I silly to be upset after realising shes been ignoring my requests to rear face lo? And knowing she is ignoring my requests and actively trying to hide it Car? Car safety is a huge thing for me and I feel my trusts gone a bit. It just makes me wonder what else other requests are disrespected. I know this may not seem a huge issue for some, so am i being silly.

If not for childcare then you have the option to get a bit shirty about it.

What are the actual numbers behind that statistic though? Does rear facing reduce the likelihood of death or serious injury from 2:1000 to 1:1000? That would be a big difference percentage wise but you can see that the actual numbers are tiny either way.

I think it’s annoying that she’s ignoring your wishes and deliberately trying to hide the fact but I don’t think it’s worth you ruining a relationship over. If it bothers you that much then stop letting her take her places in her car.

I don't think this has been specified, unless I missed it. Is MIL providing regular free childcare so that you can work? This is the nub of the problem. When childcare is free you can't dictate terms and have to be prepared to walk away. When you pay for childcare from an unrelated service provider then you are a customer and you can insist.

The facts of car seat safety aren't the issue here. When a family member offers free childcare they are not going to robotically do exactly everything that you would do. If that's not ok then you have to decline their kind offer.

On the matter of statistics, if setup A is safe 99.6% of the time but there is an injury 0.4% of the time, and setup B is safe 99.9% of the time but there is an injury 0.1% of the time then yes setup B reduces the risk of injury by 75% but that doesn't make setup A unsafe. This is an example of how statistics can be misleading, but the number was chosen for illustration and I don't know the specific numbers for these specific car seats. If you are going to cause a family rift on this issue, make sure you are basing that on the real probabilities, not the advertising material.

Does she struggle with putting the seat in RF? Our RF car seat was a nightmare to install properly and my MIL struggled to do it on her own. No matter what she did it wobbled. Could your be having the same issue leading her to feel that your car seat is unsafe? A correctly installed FF car seat is much safer than an incorrectly installed RF one. I think also it does freak out some grandparents to see babies legs folded up.

Whatever the reason dont bite your nose off to spite your face, if you rely on her for childcare and the occasional lift then pick your battles. I am a non driver myself and I would rather have my DCs in a FF car seat then on the bus with no seat belts at all tbh.

My MIL didn’t believe in dairy allergy, therefore she couldn’t look after DS alone, until he had grown out of it. Having dairy wouldn’t have killed him but made him sick.

It’s hard when you have GPs who don’t listen to your reasonable requests. It’s not like the OP had made the MIL buy a car seat, the MIL deliberately went out of her way to go against OP

Why? If it was a 2nd child is their safety less important?

@carefullycourageous 👏🏼 Completely agree! Obviously it’s only completely overprotective first time mothers that worry about their children’s safety 🙄🙄🙄

I don't need chikd care and have never asked for it, she requests to have her which I happily say yes to so they can all see her

So the OP has paid for a car seat. The MIL isn't providing childcare but rather is requesting to spend time with the child. The OP has always fitted the car seat for the MIL. There is no inconvenience or burden put upon the MIL at any point. And yet she has deliberately lied and used the FF car seat in full knowledge that it isn't what the OP wants. The lying and deception are the issue and those are the things which undermine family relationships, not statistics.

I couldn't let someone look after my child if I knew they were going to do things I'm not happy about and conceal it from me. That's the issue, not car seat safety. The MIL has pretended she's using the OP's seat but actually using the one she prefers. Anyone would then wonder what else she lies about.

For me it is irrelevant if the front facing one is safe. You have made a decision for your child that the car seat has to be rear facing. MiL can agree with that or not agree it doesn't matter. She still needs to have the respect for your parental choices and not do her own thing knowing its not what you have chosen. That is disrespectful imo. It's your decision. I would provide the car seat when she takes her. She cant be expected to provide a rear facing car seat. Yanbu.

You sound anxious and a bit hysterical

A two year old can go front facing

I would just stop her having your DC and tell her it's because she's deliberately ignored your wishes over safety and no longer trust her.

It will create a shit storm it it's probably the only way to get through to her that as the parent you should be listened to.

What a horrible snidey question.

Well she'll probably stop helping you with your child but go ahead and be as rude as you like to someone giving you a hand.

You're the parent, you get to decide on safety for your child.

If she is disregarding your decision and lying to you, I would stop my child from going in her car (or possibly from visiting her alone at all, if it is possible she will ignore your wishes/safety advice on other things too).

The OP's question isn't about the merits of car seats it's about trust. As a Grandmother, I feel it's a privilege to be trusted to care for my DGC and important to follow their parents' wishes. If the OP can't trust her MIL to do this when she's been specifically asked, then she can't be trusted at all

@Keepyoursarcasmtoyourself
Looking after your own grandchild doesn't give you sainthood status. Very bizarre. Op has not been rude to anyone. You must be a disrespectful MIL.

If you don’t need your MIL for childcare and you’re not happy with the way she’s going against your requests, then just stop her having your daughter.

What does your partner/husband say? I have a feeling that he’s on mummy’s side.

Before this descends into a competition on who turned their kids around at the first possible opportunity, usually those who spent a grand on a pram that would crumple if hit by a car. It's about her deliberately ignoring your wishes and hiding it. What else is she ignoring?

I'd have the row me. No more visits at her house. She can come to you to see kid if she's going to ignore your wishes. You are her mother.

Does your child like a rear-facing car seat? Personally I hate to sit facing backwards - makes my travel sickness much worse, even on short journeys. And where do their legs go? Just thinking if child is more upset that way I can understand doing front facing. We all know driving with an upset child is horrible and probably more likely for there to be an accident with the driver distracted.

For me, this depends on the kid. My DD1 has been front facing since 1yr old because she cannot stand facing backwards and screams so hard she is sick. So we FF her, because otherwise it's unbearable. Maybe your MIL is experiencing the same?

Bullshit!

She is deliberately and deceitfully putting your child at risk for absolutely no good reason.

You can guarantee that if you don't sort your boundaries here then it won't be the only time she thinks she knows better.

Join 'extended rear facing car seats' on Facebook- they will understand and have suggestions as to how to proceed.

I was relieved when my DD put my DGD front facing. In my case I feel that DGD is much safer with me that way, as I can focus much better on my driving, because I can see DGD clearly and rally in my rearview mirror.

I never got on with the mirrors that are supposed to let you see the rear facing child, and because I was worried about not being able to see her properly, and whether she was okay, I don't think I was fully attentive to my driving.

Irrelevant. If this is the case then MIL can discuss it with the child's mother and they can work out a way to deal with it, which may indeed be to forward face. However lying and hiding it is a problem.

Rally? Don't know where that came from or what it was supposed to be.