Am I silly to be upset with mil for pitting child front faceing in car seat when I asked her to rearrange face?

[Sophie1029734]

Hi everyone my lo is 2. I've asked her since the beginning of time to do rear faceing and have explained how it's safer, prevents death and severity of injury during crashes. She seems hell bent on the idea that it hurts her legs when I've said multiple times it does not after lots if time researching it.

Everytime she has come to give me a lift somewhere it's always front faceing. Whenever she takes lo to the car she goes quick and seems to not one to go there to say bye. A new front faceing seats appaeard in her car, saying it was just another family child's car seat (it isn't) she slipped and said she hasn't used the other one for a while.

Am I silly to be upset after realising shes been ignoring my requests to rear face lo? And knowing she is ignoring my requests and actively trying to hide it Car? Car safety is a huge thing for me and I feel my trusts gone a bit. It just makes me wonder what else other requests are disrespected. I know this may not seem a huge issue for some, so am i being silly.

This is completely untrue.

Try reading up on facts before posting untruths.

Children have not got fully developed skeletal systems. Their necks snap much more easily than adults' necks.

""PP said threaten, not actually call"

Oh, well that's completely level-headed and not at all a ridiculous bullying tactic, then.

I'd be bloody annoyed if my DParent ignored a request like this, it would make me not trust them. I guess the answer is to have a serious chat with her - what does your DH think?

Why are you relying on your MIL to drive your child around at all if you don't trust her judgement over RF vs FF?

Genuine question. Because I imagine my own DM / FIL would have similar opinions. It isn't an issue, because I choose not to rely on them for childcare. It sounds like you probably do, so there's a choice to make when you know she's going to ignore you; prioritise something you feel is important for the safety of your child and stop letting it happen, or carry on in the knowledge that it will continue.

I'm not fussed about RF versus FF (and I'm a statistician).

However, I think if you've made it very clear to someone that you do not want your child FF and they've said they agree but then done it behind your back, that's a breach of trust and you're not being unreasonable to be upset by it.

I don't drive, I'm 23 and is not something I can afford yet. I could walk lo to mils on the days days visits but she wants to get her self? I thought I could trust her so I never questioned it until I put all the pieces together

It's not great that she is ignoring your request. Definitely not illegal and not as dramatic in terms of a huge difference in safety.
However if you don't like it, don't ask her to drive you or your son anywhere.

I didn't say I agreed with it. Just pointing out the OP is not the only one misinterpreting and adding a dramatic flair as you're accusing her of doing

You're definitely not being silly at all! That's a dangerous thing to do and even if it wasn't she didn't listen to you.

I didn't add a dramatic flair, I said how it was? 😕

I get it OP, our DS is 2.5yo and still rear facing. he has never sat forward facing. we bought him RF seats for grand parents and childminders cars. I will keep him RF for as long as possible and I dont care what other people think!

I would just stop her going in the car with your MIL, it's irrelevant what anyone else's views on FF vs RF are, you wanted her RF so that's what should be done. if MIL wanted to FF her and couldn't take her if she wasn't FF, then she should have said so and you could have decided based on that. it's the hiding it from you that would feel like the problem here for me.

This is exactly how I feel. I know I can just walk lo to mils and pick her up from now on, but it's wondering what else she disrespects. I have trust issues and it puts in a situation where I feel weird about giveing her lo now.. she's been a bit defiant when lo was a baby, which I thought she changed but maybe she just masked it...

You don’t drive.

Have you paid for the seat?

Do you put your toddler in the rear facing seat yourself?

When you’re out and about yourself, do you tend to use public transport when not walking? Buses, taxis etc?

Putting a toddler in a FF car seat is NOT a dangerous thing to do.

letting them stand on the front seat is a dangerous thing to do.

Work on your trust issues with a therapist, then.

'Let her have' 🙄🙄

look after her for you, you mean? Childcare.

Yes I payed for a seat, there's 2 and we have the same one. I used to take lo to the car to out her in, make sure everything was good and over time I built up a trust where I didn't feel I had to. All the sighns point to her changing it as soon as she relised I wasn't going to check, It just clicked yesterday.. especially when she arrived in a front only car seat.

It depends on the distance and weather it's a large outing and people are going who can also take me and lo

No I don't mean child care. She asks to have her on weekends, or theough the week. It's nothing to do with that.

For me the issue of her lying and she knows you want your child rear facing is what would stop me being happy for her too look after my child. If she'd said look, rear facing doesn't fit in my car anymore, or child throws up when going backwards and discussed it with you then that would be different. You've given explicit instructions and she has ignored them.

Exactly this. I wouldn't be fussed either but my DD and her DH wanted their babies rear facing so I did it too. Their wishes trump my opinions because it's their DC. It makes no difference to me, no extra effort involved and it's the right thing to do. I will not undermine them. Many things have changed since I raised my own girls, we must move with the times and respect the latest safety advice.

This

Big nope from me. Not sure why posters are defending the mil. You are the mother and what you say should go. Get your other half to have a chat with her.

@HandScreen For some reason you seem to be using this thread to run your own (particularly silly) campaign, when it's not really about which direction of travel is safest. FYI, it's unquivocally rear facing - I used to work in car safety.

The point is the MIL is not just ignoring the child's mother's request, she's doing it in an underhand and sneaky manner. If a child's mother asked a carer not to give the child penicillin/Calpol/Ibuprofen or whatever and the carer did it anyway, would that be acceptable? Or if she gave an allergic child cow's milk because she doesn't believe in lactose intolerance? It's fine for anyone with the care of a child to have their own opinions and they can express those with their own children all they like, but not with someone else's child when a specific request has been made.

Is this your first child OP?

I hate this dismissive crap line.

I'd be annoyed if my MIL ignored me about my first, second or third child. The neck of a second child is not stronger than the neck of the first.