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Original poster

My partner refuses to watch our child.

87 replies

Kaayyyx · 29/05/2022 07:52

Hey everyone, so I'm writing this because i dont know what to do/say to my partner. We have a 1 year old DS and I stay at home all day, everyday with him which I love but whenever my friends ask me to go out for dinner or to see a show and I of course cant take my 1 year old with me, my partner refuses to stay in with our child and look after him while im out therefore I hardly ever go out with friends because I need to try and find a babysitter and most times cant. It just makes me mad because its not like he is busy or got plans, he just refuses. Every time. The 2 times he has watched him (since hes been born) was when i had to go the hospital and even then he moaned to me to hurry up home and just turnt the kids TV on and left him to watch TV while he was on his phone until I got home and just kind of ignored him which upset me. I just feel like i cant go out with friends because he wont watch his own son. I dont know what to do

OP posts:
MolliciousIntent · 29/05/2022 09:41

Please please PLEASE tell me you're married, and you didn't give up your career with zero financial security.

tootiredtoocare · 29/05/2022 09:41

He's not a dad/husband, he's another child expecting you to be a mother/housekeeper/skivvy. In fact, he's less than that because another child would likely be willing to babysit their sibling once in a while. Ultimatum. Step up, or you're single, one chance. I'm guessing he won't step up. There are charities that can help you navigate the benefits system when you do leave, and make absolutely certain you chase him for every penny of child support. Make sure you have copies of bank statements for the past 12 months that show his earnings and his employer and copies of any other important documents.

OutDamnedSpot · 29/05/2022 09:44

He’s not a father, or a partner. Leave him.

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DogsAndGin · 29/05/2022 09:45

That poor child.

Snowiscold · 29/05/2022 09:45

He’s not your partner. A partner would partner you in things -take turns, do his share -that’s what it means. He isn’t, so he’s not your partner. Just leave.

Spohn · 29/05/2022 09:50

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SallyWD · 29/05/2022 09:57

Usually I give people the benefit of the doubt and try to see things from both perspectives but that's just awful OP!! You deserve a break! I can't believe a grown man isn't capable of caring for his own child for a few hours. Most of the time you'd be out the child would be asleep anyway, I assume. My DH has looked after the children loads of times whilst I go away for weekends or out for the day. I do the same for him. We both need a break now and then - as do you! I'd find it difficult to carry on loving and respecting this man when he seems to care so little for your wellbeing.

BundtCake · 29/05/2022 09:57

@Spohn it is depressing.

saleorbouy · 29/05/2022 10:02

Just set up everything for you DC, (food etc) and head out.
You don't need to get permission to have a social life and he will need to pay his child some attention during the time you're away.
Don't have more children with him but leaving is hardly going to improve the situation as he will get off scot free and do even less.
Start to share the house chores and male him have some responsibility for his creation.

WizardOfAus · 29/05/2022 10:02

@Spohn So depressing.

Spohn · 29/05/2022 10:06

@saleorbouy the boyfriend has already neglected his kid when forced to be alone with him. You promoting more child neglect is a poor suggestion. If she dumps the loser she will have less work to do, since she won’t be serving/cleaning up after/begging the boyfriend for bare minimum. And he will have to pay for his kid. And the child will not be exposed to a misogynist sham of a house.

BundtCake · 29/05/2022 10:19

MolliciousIntent · 29/05/2022 09:41

Please please PLEASE tell me you're married, and you didn't give up your career with zero financial security.

This. The word partner suggests not. It’s also depressing the amount of women who give up their careers and become financially reliant on useless men without any legal protection in place.

BriceNobeslovesMurielHeslop · 29/05/2022 10:33

I think it’s worth bearing in mind we know very, very little about OP before berating her when she has come for help and support. Aspects of this (and prev) posts smack of coercive control. It’s not uncommon for that kind of behaviour to escalate when babies are born.

i agree you should leave, OP. Nothing about this man is good for you or your son. Have you got somewhere to go?

GrazingSheep · 29/05/2022 10:35

Hopefully you can find a way to leave him.

iex · 29/05/2022 10:41

Why are you still with him??

DenholmElliot1 · 29/05/2022 10:42

He's keeping you a prisoner in your own home effectively. My ex did this, all a man has to do is not step up for his kids and the woman is stuffed. She can go nowhere without the kids. Leave.

Onwards22 · 29/05/2022 10:51

Is he his dad?
I honestly don’t understand - if it’s his child he doesn’t have a choice whether he looks after him or not.

I don’t think this is about him being a bad dad - I think he just doesn’t want you going out and having a life.

I can’t believe you have put up with this for so long.
You need to leave.

Mellowyellow222 · 29/05/2022 10:52

It never ceases to amaze me what women will put up with.

was he always so horrible or did it start when you had children.

he is clearly deeply sexist. You aren’t partners - you do the woman’s work and he lazes around.

leave - it won’t get any better

catfunk · 29/05/2022 10:55

So he doesn't pay his way, cheats on you, won't parent his own child.....
Yeah he sounds great I can see why you've stayed with him for this long 🙄

myuterusistryingtokillme · 29/05/2022 11:04

Can you really call him your partner? It's not exactly a partnership is it, you basically have an overgrown man child that lives in the same house as you, who you no doubt run around after. Apart from money does he bring much else to the partnership?

I would seriously consider leaving because it doesn't matter what you say, he's not suddenly going to become dad of the year, given that he shows less interest in his child than his phone.

Pickabearanybear · 29/05/2022 11:12

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Bananalanacake · 29/05/2022 11:15

Does he have any good points

Mayvis · 29/05/2022 11:25

The OP’s previous threads make dismal reading. 5th child for this useless lump of a man. Wonderful.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 29/05/2022 11:26

On the back of your other threads:
Your "DP" who already has FOUR other children , works 3 hours a day and pays nought into your household
Has been messaging other women and is cold to you because you had his baby
And you said six months ago you were leaving him.

If you were my daughter , I'd be round with a van to collect you and the baby and getting you an appointment with a good family solicitor

He doesn't want you
He doesn't want your child
Hand on heart did he want a 5th child ?

LTB