Boyfriend doesn't help out

[Kaayyyx]

Hey, so I have a 4 week old son and I do all the night feeds every single night. My boyfriend only works for 3 hours a day but he said because he works with electricals and water he can't do night feeds be at it will be dangerous as he will be tired. The thing is I am getting really exhausted doing it all, he also doesn't change the baby's nappies. The only thing he does is tidy the house, which I do appreciate however I wish he helped with the night feeds. Am I being unreasonable asking him to help with night feeds? Also this is his 5th child and my first. I don't know what's different this time as to why he can't help out? Any advice is welcome :)

Also this is his 5th child and my first. I don't know what's different this time as to why he can't help out?

Errr... nothing is different. I'd bet a lot of money that he did fuck all with his other kids too and that it was probably a big reason why his previous relationship(s?) broke down.

Ive got a 4.5 month old and take it from me, if he does nothing now, he will do nothing later.
Make sure whether you bf or formula feed that your baby knows how to take a bottle so that you can get dp to help. I made the mistake if bfing and not teaching baby to use a bottle which gave dp a green like to do sweet FA both for baby and in the house. Put your foot down now before it's too late.
At very worst he should be doing the nights at the weekends. He can also do dinner whilst the other baths, and a good proportion of the housework, if not all whilst baby is young. Many friends I know share nappies with their dp and take it in turns once they finish work.
Believe me when I say, set down the rules now because it will only get harder later.
If you read my recent posts you'll see that so please start now!

I think the fact he has five kids to other women says it all.

He only works 3 hours a day and he claims he can’t help with the baby because he will be too tired to do his job? His 3 hours a day job? 3 hours a day is my commute!

He’s a lazy fucker.

YANBU at all! He is being lazy and I’d be willing to bet good money he didn’t pull his weight with his first four kids either. If he’s only working three hours a day then he definitely needs to step up more at home.

How about if he did the feeds and nappies until 1/2am so you could get some sleep for the first half of the night, then he can sleep after that uninterrupted so he won’t be exhausted for work.

What about his days off? No excuse then?

Is he financially supportive?
Anyway if I were you I’d cut my losses and prepare for life as a single parent.

Sounds like a charmer...

Just finding excuses.

Maybe the fact that he already has 4 kids who I assume are being cared for by their mother(s) rather than him might have been a clue he is not the best father material...

What sort of relationship does he have with his other 4 dc?

That's absolutely brilliant; I shall have to remember that one. Three hours graft a day but might nod off around all that electricity and all that water? Someone should make a biopic about him. I'm thinking Jason Statham for the lead.
He's a useless, lazy dick. Kick him to the kerb.

Why do you appreciate him tidying up? That isn't your "job" you know, he isn't doing you a favour by tidying up.

He's a lazy useless child and a shit dad and partner.

Works about 15 hours a week (many do this in a day) and can't look after his family? Embarrassing

How does he support all his kids when he only works three hours a day?

What kind of parent is he to his first four children?

I'm confused why you even had a child with him - 15 hours a week, tops? He's taking you for a mug OP.

Agree with PP - prepare for life as a single parent. And choose better partners in future.

Well he's useless and lazy isn't he? You need to have a talk with him about doing his share, it's not helping, it's doing what he should. I think it's probably worth planning your exit strategy though, if he can't be arsed with a brand new baby I doubt he's going to be willing to make changes to improve.

3 hours??? That’s not a job that supports 5 children! Or does he only do 3 hours so he doesn’t have to support his children?

"His 3 hours a day job? 3 hours a day is my commute!"

Ha, same (before covid) :)

Even if he really thinks helping out at night would be dangerous, he can and should do more during the day.

No he is not financially support. I pay for everything. The food, the bills and our baby. I was putting up with it because I always imagined when I had my first baby that we'd be a little family and I want that that much am willing to put up with all this. Am at my wit's end though and thinking about ending the relationship. Maybe me and my baby are better off without him.

@Kaayyyx at least then you’d only have to look after one child!

Sorry, a bit flippant, but if he really does nothing then you can just focus on you and the baby. Could a trial separation help you to think through what he brings to the relationship ?

Have things improved at all? It’s a couple of weeks since your first post. I hope you and your baby are managing ok.

I believe he is what's technically called "a useless fucking fucker".

Ditch him sooner rather than later would be my advice. He doesn't seem to be bringing you anything but sperm, and sperm is cheap and plentiful.

He can take the baby from 6pm to 10:30pm to give you a solid 4 hours sleep (plus half an hour wind down). That should be his absolute minimum contribution. There's no way he can claim sitting up until 10:30 is going to make him so tired he's a danger at work 🙄 honestly it makes me furious that men are still this entitled!

I think I'd expect him to work with scalpels and brain matter to be in with a sniff of getting out of all the nighttime care of our child.

3 hours a day, 5 kids and you're paying for everything.

Is there pattern to this leaches life?

This is who he is, he doesn't pay and he doesn't do

@Kaayyyx

No he is not financially support. I pay for everything. The food, the bills and our baby. I was putting up with it because I always imagined when I had my first baby that we'd be a little family and I want that that much am willing to put up with all this. Am at my wit's end though and thinking about ending the relationship. Maybe me and my baby are better off without him.

There's no 'maybe' about it!

Why on earth did you choose to reproduce with this waste of space?