My partner refuses to watch our child.

[Kaayyyx]

Hey everyone, so I'm writing this because i dont know what to do/say to my partner. We have a 1 year old DS and I stay at home all day, everyday with him which I love but whenever my friends ask me to go out for dinner or to see a show and I of course cant take my 1 year old with me, my partner refuses to stay in with our child and look after him while im out therefore I hardly ever go out with friends because I need to try and find a babysitter and most times cant. It just makes me mad because its not like he is busy or got plans, he just refuses. Every time. The 2 times he has watched him (since hes been born) was when i had to go the hospital and even then he moaned to me to hurry up home and just turnt the kids TV on and left him to watch TV while he was on his phone until I got home and just kind of ignored him which upset me. I just feel like i cant go out with friends because he wont watch his own son. I dont know what to do

In one of those attached threads you said you pay for everything, that was over a year ago, do you still pay for everything? does he have any claim on the house you live in. A man who doesn't provide for his DC is a worthless shit, but I suspect you know that.

What is the point of him?

I really hope you are not married, OP. Then he won’t have a claim on your assets. Get out now please - for your sake and the sake of the child.

Kaayyyx, I am sorry to hear that you are not having a great time in terms of your relationship. I would however ignore the simple one line advice from the responses posted already. This is especially advisable giving the nature of life changing advice they offer predicated on the brief details you shared in your thread. I would seek professional advice and or counselling so you can share the full details of your relationship and situation.

I hope that you find a way through your struggles.

@Opionsdontdefineyourreality Read the other threads by OP - the first few replies are 100% right

Why tell OP to ignore replies on a thread she chose to post? Rude.

Did you not bother to read her other threads? It’s a shitshow.

It's abuse. He's isolating you from friends and family.

By the way don't stay in all day with the baby. Find a local centre that does groups, make some friends who are also parents and go on play dates. Widen your circle that way.

If you left him, how do you think he would approach contact? Would he

pay £250 for a contact order request?
find and pay a solicitor to represent him in court?
ask for 50/50 contact?
actually look after the baby during contact?

Because if the answer to those is no, I would leave and get on with my life and let him fester on his own.

However if you think the answer is yes then it's a lot more complicated.

Speak to IDVA please. Find the number online. A local one.

They take abuse seriously even when it's not physical.

Please look up "the freedom programme" and take yourself through it if you are able OR find a course and do it via them.

You are being abused and if you need help to get out IDVA can help you with a refuge placement. Move across the country if you have to. You have nothing to lose.

If you can possibly be a bit savvy and make use of all the help that is out there you could get yourself onto benefits, accommodation, and from there get housed (be willing to move across the country to where housing is available) and raise that child.

You can get back into work. A gap does not mean you can't get back into work, this is a misnomer held by the perpetually employed. You always have transferable skills and can always get into an entry level job.

Don't limit yourself and your child's future. If you want practical advice you can even message me as I have experience of all the above.

I would have shut that shit down the first time he refused. What an absolute moron, refusing to look after his own child? He sounds absolutely delightful. You know this isn’t acceptable but are clearly accepting it anyway!

It's so sad when a father doesn't step up to his responsibilities. If he can't look after his own baby what kind of useless man is he. Imagine if you did that. Poor baby.

@Kaayyyx what @BundtCake said. Leave now. Go. Run. He is emotionally abusing you, using you and you will be better off without him. Your child does not need to se how useless he is, and to see that it is OK to treat women like trash, lie, cheat, and be an a$$hole in general. Better off without that sack of cr@p.

How old are you OP? Is there a big age difference between you and your BF?

This is miserable to read