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Original poster

Caught boyfriend messaging another girl

28 replies

Kaayyyx · 12/01/2022 11:01

Hey everyone, so to give a little background to this. Me and my boyfriend have been together a few years, we have a 1 year old. I've caught him messaging a girl on Facebook a while ago but because of our son I thought I was doing the right thing and forgave him and moved on from it. (He deleted his social media) but recently I've just had a feeling he was upto no good again and plus he told me his father had give his number to his gf's daughter to text him and give my boyfriend her number but he said he just blocked her number after she text him, I said ok but wasn't very convinced so I looked through his phone and seen he had been messaging her and arranging to phone her and saved her number with a man's name. I went to his Whatsapp and a picture of the girl appeared, so he was texting her. I don't know what to do. Do I forgive him AGAIN? I'm just so hurt by this.

OP posts:
lilikiki · 12/01/2022 11:02

I mean, your boyfriend’s a knob. You can forgive him if you want to but he’ll just do it again, because he knows you’ll forgive him again

Either move on, or have an open relationship where you get to go flirting too.

oneandonly95 · 12/01/2022 11:06

Sorry but from my past experience it will just happen over and over again.

Hemingwayzcatz · 12/01/2022 11:07

You need to leave him, he won’t change and this will keep happening. When you forgave him the first time this was a green light for him to continue. Have some self respect and leave.

errnerrcallnernnernnern · 12/01/2022 11:09

Dump him.

gwenneh · 12/01/2022 11:15

The only way to end the sentence that begins with "Caught boyfriend messaging another girl..." properly is with the words "...and now I'm single."

DropYourSword · 12/01/2022 11:19

Forgive him?! He’s not even asking for forgiveness. You’re just prostrating yourself to be the easier doormat possible for him!

Bouledeneige · 12/01/2022 11:19

He's disrespecting you and your son. He's a liar. Is this really how you want to live your life and for the father if your child to behave? (And indeed your child's grandfather!).

Honeyroar · 12/01/2022 11:21

If you forgive him you have to accept that this will keep happening, and your son will grow up thinking this is how you behave. Get angry!

Notimeforaname · 12/01/2022 11:26

He doesn't love you, respect you or
care about you. You've forgiven him before, he's done it again.

How many times do you want to do this with him? Serious question

User1isnotavailable · 12/01/2022 11:55

Do you forgive him this time or wait for the 3rd time or perhaps the 4th?

He shows he doesn't respect you. He has shown you who he is. Life is short. Break it off.

Original poster
Kaayyyx · 12/01/2022 11:57

Thanks girls! I am going to break up with him, because it's happened twice before I'm not even angry, just disappointed. I just don't know how to start the conversation off because I'm gonna have to say I went through his phone which is a invasion of privacy and I'm gonna look like the bad one.

OP posts:
PearlD · 12/01/2022 12:03

Don't let him make it all about you going through his phone. Yes it's an invasion of privacy, but it revealed a betrayal of trust so don't let him take the moreal high ground.

No, it's not ideal, yes, you wish you hadn't felt the need to do it, but you did, this is what you found, and this is the action you're taking. This is not something that's going to just stop, so if you forgive him you're making a deal with yourself to turn a blind eye in future. Good luck

gwenneh · 12/01/2022 12:13

@Kaayyyx

Thanks girls! I am going to break up with him, because it's happened twice before I'm not even angry, just disappointed. I just don't know how to start the conversation off because I'm gonna have to say I went through his phone which is a invasion of privacy and I'm gonna look like the bad one.
"Goodbye."

It's a full sentence of dismissal. You don't owe him explanation, caveats, reasoning, or anything else.

The situation doesn't require a conversation. Conversation implies there's something he could say that you might need to hear, and in this situation, there is nothing.

lilikiki · 12/01/2022 12:19

Fuck feeling bad about going through his phone
If he moans you snooped just be like “yeah and? Who cares you’re dumped!”

AdobeWanKenobi · 12/01/2022 12:21

Your thread title needs amending:

Caught ex boyfriend messaging another girl

Leopards and spots OP. You sound young and this isn't any way to spend a life.

Lwren · 12/01/2022 12:23

Pack his stuff, say you'll work together to be the best parents you can be, say when his betrayal isn't as raw you'll sit with him to discuss your son but there is no point in discussing your relationship, it's over.
It doesn't have to be horrid, you can grieve your relationship and then soon you'll feel much more confident in yourself.

I say this as someone who was cheated on and is now in a wonderful relationship.
Nothing about being single is as awful as that sinking feeling of anxiety about your partner.

Good luck ❤

AliveAndSleeping · 12/01/2022 12:25

Did I miss something? What is he messaging?

errnerrcallnernnernnern · 12/01/2022 12:27

@Kaayyyx

Thanks girls! I am going to break up with him, because it's happened twice before I'm not even angry, just disappointed. I just don't know how to start the conversation off because I'm gonna have to say I went through his phone which is a invasion of privacy and I'm gonna look like the bad one.
Don't feel bad. You were right to look and save yourself years of heartbreak.
Notimeforaname · 12/01/2022 12:35

Pack his stuff, say you'll work together to be the best parents you can be, say when his betrayal isn't as raw you'll sit with him to discuss your son but there is no point in discussing your relationship, it's over

Yep. This is perfect op. Says it all. Refuse to speak after you say your piece.

Sadgirlsummer · 12/01/2022 12:39

I had something similar. Forgave him repeatedly and he kept doing it. Something my best friend said to me was: "I'll support whatever decision you decide, but you know you'll never have a relaxed and happy life with him don't you?

Wanting a relaxed and happy life with a partner is what we all deserve. That guy (and yours!) won't give it to you I'm afraid.

It will be extremely hard to begin with, but as someone several months on from your position, the relief / strength you'll feel in putting yourself (& your child) first is so worth it.

Kuachui · 12/01/2022 13:04

His loss, the grass is never greener

Catflapkitkat · 12/01/2022 13:10

Don't worrying about looking at his phone. He has broken YOUR trust TWICE. He didn't learn the first time and you knew he was lying the second time. To go forward with this man would mean keeping one eye open

Iamkmackered1979 · 12/01/2022 13:25

I would just ask him, I wouldn’t say you’ve seen his phone or looked at it. You know. Then tell him you know he’s lying if he Denys it.
Then finish it.
You’re not the bad one here.
Sorry though it’s shit but you and your baby deserve better

Fluffycloudland77 · 12/01/2022 13:30

It’s the right thing to do re dumping him. He’s going to be a problem for years but he doesn’t have to be your problem.

If your washing machine stops working you replace it, you don’t keep it for old times sake.

CambsAlways · 12/01/2022 13:45

He doesn’t seem to respect you love, I would get rid, or chances are you will be asking this same question in a few months ,