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Original poster

My partner refuses to watch our child.

87 replies

Kaayyyx · 29/05/2022 07:52

Hey everyone, so I'm writing this because i dont know what to do/say to my partner. We have a 1 year old DS and I stay at home all day, everyday with him which I love but whenever my friends ask me to go out for dinner or to see a show and I of course cant take my 1 year old with me, my partner refuses to stay in with our child and look after him while im out therefore I hardly ever go out with friends because I need to try and find a babysitter and most times cant. It just makes me mad because its not like he is busy or got plans, he just refuses. Every time. The 2 times he has watched him (since hes been born) was when i had to go the hospital and even then he moaned to me to hurry up home and just turnt the kids TV on and left him to watch TV while he was on his phone until I got home and just kind of ignored him which upset me. I just feel like i cant go out with friends because he wont watch his own son. I dont know what to do

OP posts:
ArcheryAnnie · 29/05/2022 08:22

Even if you won't take action take action your own sake (and I think you should, this man is treating you terribly), what do you want for your DS as he grows up?

Do you want your DS to grow up thinking a father is someone who is unwilling, or too lazy, or incapable of looking after his own kids?

Do you want your DS to grow up believing that he's not worth his father's time?

Do you want your DS to grow up believing that your marriage is a good model for how men should treat their partners?

Your DS is learning every day from your DH about what it means to be a father and a man. Choose better for yourself and for your DS. Plan, as quietly and carefully as you can, for a life without your partner. I know from personal experience how scary that is, but my life is so much better now.

KangarooKenny · 29/05/2022 08:29

Shall I ask what surname the child has, or can we guess 🥴

Totheweekend · 29/05/2022 08:32

Cinnabomb · 29/05/2022 08:10

As much as you love your baby, please DONT have another one with this useless man.

This. Now you know, please don’t inflict this useless man on another child.

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Sally872 · 29/05/2022 08:32

I would leave. I would not be with someone who won't help with THEIR own child. He is lazy as a father and uncaring as a partner.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 29/05/2022 08:34

Leave him- at least then you’d get a break when he has to have him.
is he a waste of space in every aspect of life together?

Imogensmumma · 29/05/2022 08:34

This is horribly sad for you and DS. Does your DP do much for your DS normally, do they play together? Does your DP do much housework?

Have you had a chat to DP and asked why he is unwilling to parent or watch his child?

chat to your DP first and let him know how much this is a serious issue to you. If nothing occurs then yeah make plans to leave, if not for your sake then for your DS. Growing up with a dad that neglects you would be horrible so please protect your DS from this

NewandNotImproved · 29/05/2022 08:37

Why call him a partner? He's a deadbeat boyfriend. Hugely damaging to your kid to be burdened with a father who doesn't want him.
Being unmarried, you cannot be dependent upon this scumbag to house and fund you, you have made yourself very vulnerable and need to sort this immediately. Obviously dump the piece of shit.

comfortablyfrumpy · 29/05/2022 08:37

He's no partner. A partner would take part and do their bit.

I agree with the previous posters - LTB.

ElenaSt · 29/05/2022 08:39

Does he ever go out of an evening?

PutinIsAWarCriminal · 29/05/2022 08:39

Sorry @Kaayyyx, but I with everyone else, this has LTB all over it, but I think you already knew that. He should be happy for you to get a little r&r time, and should look forward to 1 on 1 time with his child. He either doesn't care enough about his child or he is controlling you.
A few practicalities, whose house is it? Do you have somewhere to go? I do know a few women who have waited until their lo starts school and then left their child's dad, which is obviously easier for for financial and practical reasons, but honestly the sooner you can do it, the less disruptive it will be for your child.

dworky · 29/05/2022 08:44

Call it what it is - your partner is neglecting his child.
You'll both be better off without him.

Dashdotdotdash · 29/05/2022 08:52

He doesn't care about your or his child. What if anything do you get out of this relationship?

ScootsMcHoy · 29/05/2022 08:52

What the fuck???

That is honestly completely ridiculous.

He isn't your partner as he's not doing any partnering.

He's a man who lives in the same house as you.

What an absolute bell-end he is.

quietnightmare · 29/05/2022 08:57

I wouldn't worry about how you can't go out with friends I would be worrying about the fact you have a baby with someone who doesn't want a baby. Get used to doing things on your own. Stay strong Op he's not interested

Basketet · 29/05/2022 08:59

So basically he's refusing to parent his child? I bet there are other massive holes in your relationship.

Nidan2Sandan · 29/05/2022 09:01

Leave him, I'm not sure what qualities he demonstrated for you to think he was the person to make a human being with, but clearly you were very mistaken.

Your son deserves better, than living with a man who clearly loathes him.

Leave him, now.

Whowhatwherewhenwhynow · 29/05/2022 09:02

I agree with everyone else. Leave him.
it shows a lack of care for you, but more importantly your son.

what is the benefit of being in a relationship with him for you?

Felicity42 · 29/05/2022 09:02

How is your DH the rest of the time? I'd he a kind and caring person?
Does he change the baby or take turns feeding him or giving the baby spoon-feeds? Talking him for walks etc, holding him etc?
If an otherwise caring man won't mind the baby alone, there is a chance he's afraid of the responsibility or doesn't know how to look after him.

Landlubber2019 · 29/05/2022 09:04

If you get a babysitter, does something happen which prevents the night out? I am concerned you are trapped in a coercive and controlling relationship 😥

please speak to your Health visitor or g p for a referral to be freedom program

spotcheck · 29/05/2022 09:04

Hang on- you were in the hospital? For how long? And he put a child of less than 1 year in from of the TV and neglected her? As in, no milk, no food no changing?
What happened when your child cried, or needed to be changed? Did you come home to a dirty, hungry child?

spotcheck · 29/05/2022 09:05

Felicity42 · 29/05/2022 09:02

How is your DH the rest of the time? I'd he a kind and caring person?
Does he change the baby or take turns feeding him or giving the baby spoon-feeds? Talking him for walks etc, holding him etc?
If an otherwise caring man won't mind the baby alone, there is a chance he's afraid of the responsibility or doesn't know how to look after him.

No
A 'kind caring man' would learn to do these things. It's been a year, don't make excuses

WizardOfAus · 29/05/2022 09:23

Ditch the waster. Gain a life.

PorpoiseWithPurpose · 29/05/2022 09:26

Useless men are ubiquitous.
Trick is not to saddle yourself to one for the rest of your life.
Leave today.

Fadeout83 · 29/05/2022 09:31

Sorry but not sure what kind of response you will get other than leave him he’s a tosser. Which he is. So I imagine you’re only looking for reinforcement.

so

leave him.
hes a tosser.

Folklore9074 · 29/05/2022 09:35

LTB