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5 year old boy loves dressing up as a princess

161 replies

Klj1214 · 27/05/2022 16:18

I will start by saying that this is fully encouraged in our home, my son loves his collection of princess dresses just as much as he loves his power rangers or paw patrol toys.. My issue is a disagreement with his dad, for jubilee celebrations at school he wore his crown and elsa dress, the way he skipped into school full of joy filled my heart ❤ 5 yo came home saying a couple of his friends laughed at him so he told them to stop, he's a super happy boy and loves everyone so this kind of stuff just seems to roll off him, his dad has immediately demanded I stop letting him go to school in his dress up outfits because he doesn't want him to be bullied! My response was that other children should learn to be nicer and I won't be stopping the 5 yo from expressing himself at all. He completely disagrees and says he should only wear them inside the house 🤨. The school support children expressing themselves and I'm sure if he felt the need to go to the teacher it would have been dealt with, but he dealt with it himself. Am I in the wrong?

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autienotnaughty · 31/05/2022 05:57

Flump1234 · 30/05/2022 23:16

To those saying that "repressing" boys by not allowing them to dress as princesses is the kind of thing that will make them want to transition later in life... No. If you look at trans men, they were very often dressed up as girls by female relatives as children, or praised for doing so, and so they come to associate cross dressing with feelings of validation and love, which is one of the impetuses to transition. So you are not a neutral, harmless party by letting your son dress as a girl and overtly delighting in him doing so.
Adults have a responsibility to teach children how to operate in the real world. Cross dressing for a child is very different to pretending you are a train or a hippopotamus.

@Flump1234 no it's narrow minded adults sexualising something that isn't a sexual thing. It's dressing up. Let children be children and fyi whatever they grow up to be as adults is ok too.

Winterhail · 31/05/2022 06:03

Anneleven · 27/05/2022 21:18

"So you think it’s better to pander to the bullies and upset your child for doing something completely fine and doesn’t hurt anyone?"

@Frenchyfrog my goodness, it DOES HURT THE BOY at first place and his mother has created this situation by buying him dresses.
The child isn't even aware of the problem.

The mother is the problem!

If she wouldn't teach him how to use the loo he wouldn't understand why he is bullied for that either!

It is the reaponsibility of a parent to teach a child social norms and encourage them to follow them for their own good.

Unlike many other posters, I agree with this.

autienotnaughty · 31/05/2022 06:08

@TambourineOfRepentance well said 👏👏👏

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FrecklesMalone · 31/05/2022 06:23

Anneleven · 27/05/2022 21:18

"So you think it’s better to pander to the bullies and upset your child for doing something completely fine and doesn’t hurt anyone?"

@Frenchyfrog my goodness, it DOES HURT THE BOY at first place and his mother has created this situation by buying him dresses.
The child isn't even aware of the problem.

The mother is the problem!

If she wouldn't teach him how to use the loo he wouldn't understand why he is bullied for that either!

It is the reaponsibility of a parent to teach a child social norms and encourage them to follow them for their own good.

Bollocks. It's a parents job to get their kids to question social norms and where appropriate push against them. Thank god the suffragettes/civil rights movement/anti-apartheid leaders pushed against social norms.
A 5 year old wearing a dress is not harmful

FrecklesMalone · 31/05/2022 06:28

autienotnaughty · 31/05/2022 05:57

@Flump1234 no it's narrow minded adults sexualising something that isn't a sexual thing. It's dressing up. Let children be children and fyi whatever they grow up to be as adults is ok too.

Exactly. Let them dress up without fanfare.
One of my GC friends (of which I am one) criticised me letting DD wear 'boys clothes' all the time. But we made no fuss about it, or made her feel like it matter that much as it is just clothes. By making things for girls or boys only, you run the risk of forcing them into the whole bollocks of debating their gender because they like football/trousers/climbing trees. Make it into a none issue they grow out of it.

Mysterioso · 31/05/2022 06:50

GC do not criticise the clothes people wear.
They say the clothes you wear do not dictate what sex based service you use.

How adults relate to dress up is not the same approach as children and is not comparable.

Dad should calm down. No dress can change his son's sex. And the sun is bullied, it's the school that needs to get on top of that, sharpish.

Mysterioso · 31/05/2022 06:54

Typographical errors ahoy...
If the son is bullied.

Flump1234 · 31/05/2022 09:29

FrecklesMalone · 31/05/2022 06:23

Bollocks. It's a parents job to get their kids to question social norms and where appropriate push against them. Thank god the suffragettes/civil rights movement/anti-apartheid leaders pushed against social norms.
A 5 year old wearing a dress is not harmful

not putting boys in princess dresses is hardly comparable to the slave trade or denying women the vote

Flump1234 · 31/05/2022 09:31

FrecklesMalone · 31/05/2022 06:28

Exactly. Let them dress up without fanfare.
One of my GC friends (of which I am one) criticised me letting DD wear 'boys clothes' all the time. But we made no fuss about it, or made her feel like it matter that much as it is just clothes. By making things for girls or boys only, you run the risk of forcing them into the whole bollocks of debating their gender because they like football/trousers/climbing trees. Make it into a none issue they grow out of it.

There's a big difference between not forcing children to conform to exaggerated stereotypes, and buying your son princess dresses and gushing about how lovely it all is.

ArcheryAnnie · 31/05/2022 14:29

When I was in my early twenties, one of my close friends was a hippy guy around my age. He had long hair (that I was envious of - so curly) and routinely wore skirts. He was straight, and there was nothing feminine about him - he was just a hippy. (Went barefoot, too - which I thought mad in London but never mind.)

Also in the 80s, there were lots of young men who did play with the cultural trappings of femininity - makeup, dresses, etc. It was no biggie then, just marked them out as a wee bit fashionable on the cutting edge end of fashion.

Somebody asked if we'd have a problem with men wearing dresses, and, fair enough, sometimes I do, when I see men who adopt a pornified version of what they imagine women wear, such as fishnets and miniskirts, and wear them in inappropriate settings, often in places where women could never get away with dressing like that. In these cases men wearing dresses is a form of powerplay, asserting dominance, and is often involving bystanders in fetishism without those bystanders' consent. I think that is different from men wearing clothes usually marketed towards women just because they like them. (My old hippy friend didn't wear miniskirts but favoured long full maxi skirts in very workaday colours.)

Anyway, here we are, forty years after my hippy friend and his long skirts in my London suburb, and the idea of a boy wearing a dress has some people in conniptions. Let clothes be clothes. Let the kid wear what he wants. It shouldn't be a big deal.

BigFatLiar · 31/05/2022 14:45

It's a little boy playing dress up which is fine. He's not (by the sounds of it) dressing like an everyday girl in more normal skirts and dresses. The only problem I'd forsee is if he starts to see it as normal as he gets older. We watch 'Forged in Fire' (or rather OH does and I sit and read) where you'll often see rather large men wear skirts while forging. They are about, but I suspect princess dresses for men are a way off in terms of normal clothing.

He can wear what he wants but him mum needs to guide him about what to expect in dealing with others. He would be bullied, he shouldn't but he will.

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