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Original poster

How to forget my son?

119 replies

lonelydad2022 · 16/04/2022 21:36

My son's mother and I have been in court for many months. I am trying to obtain access to him without any real progress. She doesn't want me in my son's life and will stop at nothing to prevent any kind of access. Even when I get access at some point in the future, she will make sure that I don't have a meaningful relationship with him. Every hearing is so draining that I am having problems with my health, at work and with my life in general. I am starting to think that it may be better to let it go for the good of everyone involved. So much hate between his parents cannot be good for him. I miss him so much so I don't know how I can forget him. Is that even possible? Can you forget you have a child in order to move on?

OP posts:
AnneLovesGilbert · 16/04/2022 21:38

Well you won’t ever forget him, he’s part of you.

How old is he and when did you last see him?

Barrawarra · 16/04/2022 21:40

It’s hard to answer without knowing the context but I can’t imagine ever being able to give up if it were me.

MakeThingsRight · 16/04/2022 21:42

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Bunnybingesoneggs · 16/04/2022 21:42

Due to a more complex situation than you describe I have managed to mentally and emotionally lock one of my dc away in a 'box'. Let out on their birthday only.
Or I couldn't function...
Sorry you are going through this op. I fought long and hard for my dc. I cheated and it was exh's punishment for me. We did manage to rebuild our relationship. So don't give up fighting ime op.

MolliciousIntent · 16/04/2022 21:43

If you could forget him, you'd be a bad parent. One day, your son will wake up and want to know you. It could be tomorrow, or in ten years, but when he does, you'll want to be able to show him that you fought for him and never gave up. Go to court. Exhaust every avenue. Pay the correct maintenance every month, top it up if you can afford to. Write him letters. Create an email account and send him emails, give him the log in when he eventually comes round. Because he will. They always do.

Original poster
lonelydad2022 · 16/04/2022 21:43

@AnneLovesGilbert

Well you won’t ever forget him, he’s part of you.

How old is he and when did you last see him?

He is almost 3. I haven't seen him for 17 months. I cannot move on if I don't block the ruminating thoughts. Every time I think of him I get so sad.
OP posts:
DSGR · 16/04/2022 21:44

Sorry you are going through this. We don’t know the full circumstances but don’t give up. Keep fighting for accesss

oliviastwisted · 16/04/2022 21:45

Why is your ex hoping you are not in his life? This is a very familiar story here on MN, a man who claims his ex wife is stopping him seeing his child out of spite.

pennywiselives · 16/04/2022 21:47

@MakeThingsRight that's not a pleasant response or even helpful advice. The op clearly wants to see his son but when the resident parent is preventing access every step of the way then it's not going to be an easy road is it?

Op if you take her to court and have a court order put in place then she'd be breaking the law each time she stopped access. It would be a long and expensive process but I feel sure you would get some contact time in the end.

Even then though, a toxic parent spilling poison into a child's ear can make for a world of hurt and complications over the years. I don't think you should give up and I don't think you should forget your son. Continue to fight, be the better person, be very patient and eventually in years to come your son will hopefully see the situation for how it really is.

jowly · 16/04/2022 21:50

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Comedycook · 16/04/2022 21:51

Why do you think your ex wants to stop access op?

Original poster
lonelydad2022 · 16/04/2022 21:52

@Bunnybingesoneggs

Due to a more complex situation than you describe I have managed to mentally and emotionally lock one of my dc away in a 'box'. Let out on their birthday only. Or I couldn't function... Sorry you are going through this op. I fought long and hard for my dc. I cheated and it was exh's punishment for me. We did manage to rebuild our relationship. So don't give up fighting ime op.
That is what I mean. How to lock away the memories so you can function? Is that possible? They come to my head again and again and I cannot stop them. They take over everything else. It gets worse near the hearings.
OP posts:
Original poster
lonelydad2022 · 16/04/2022 21:55

@oliviastwisted

Why is your ex hoping you are not in his life? This is a very familiar story here on MN, a man who claims his ex wife is stopping him seeing his child out of spite.
She has her reasons. I have mine. I am not saying anything bad about her. It's not the point of my thread. Just trying to learn how to move on.
OP posts:
Comedycook · 16/04/2022 21:57

She has her reasons. I have mine

What do you mean..."i have mine"? Reasons for what?

SpringSunshine09 · 16/04/2022 22:04

Keep fighting and don't shut your feelings away, they are perfectly valid and normal in this situation. Are you in a position to be able to work through your feelings with a therapist? They will be able to help you to strike the balance between feeling and functioning. I'm so sorry you can't see your child, my heart breaks for you and your child.

Changeee1546789 · 16/04/2022 22:09

It’s hard to give advice when you don’t say why she is blocking contact.

lollipoprainbow · 16/04/2022 22:12

This is so sad, I hope you work things out and get to see your son.

ThisisMax · 16/04/2022 22:15

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Ridingoutthewaves · 16/04/2022 22:18

@lonelydad2022 I can’t think how it’s possible for one parent to stop another seeing their child at all unless they have very good reason and good evidence of that. It’s just not how the family courts work. If the four agrees you have no contact with your child for 17months there must be evidence that has been evaluated at a fact finding hearing. I know these procedures can take a long time but you would have interim access in a contact centre at least. Without further info this is the only conclusion i can come to.

Ridingoutthewaves · 16/04/2022 22:23

So yes stop and leave your x alone and your child without the stress you’re causing by pursuing this further, the one and only good thing you can now do for your child.

Ottersmith · 16/04/2022 22:24

Well many men have tried. But that would be a really bad idea. Who do you think it would help? No one will every think you did the right thing and your child would not appreciate you for it. It is a really stupid idea.

The courts aren't going to stop you from seeing your child unless you are abusive or something. If you are abusive then yes, absolutely walk away. I'm surprised the courts have allowed you to go 17 months without seeing your child. Usually they are all about visiting rights.

And there's no point in doing the "she turned my children against me" thing. It's pathetic. I grew up in an area where practically everyone (including my own mother) was a single parent. Did the Mums constantly slag off the Dads? Yes! Of course they did. Did it ever cause the child to be brainwashed against their Dad? No of course not. If the other parent has a bad relationship with their child it's on them.

Stop being a martyr and work harder to see your child. Only you can make a relationship with them. Unless you are an abusive person in which case yes forget them and leave them alone.

Aquamarine1029 · 16/04/2022 22:26

Please don't give up, not ever. Your son is worth it.

TyrannosaurusRegina · 16/04/2022 22:40

[quote Ridingoutthewaves]@lonelydad2022 I can’t think how it’s possible for one parent to stop another seeing their child at all unless they have very good reason and good evidence of that. It’s just not how the family courts work. If the four agrees you have no contact with your child for 17months there must be evidence that has been evaluated at a fact finding hearing. I know these procedures can take a long time but you would have interim access in a contact centre at least. Without further info this is the only conclusion i can come to.[/quote]
Sadly, I've seen how family courts can be manipulated by manipulative, obstructive parents...

lollipoprainbow · 16/04/2022 22:45

@Ottersmith kick someone when they are down why don't you Hmm

LetitiaLeghorn · 16/04/2022 22:57

This is the parenting board. When women come on here no one questions them, posters just give advice. Just because this is a man, there's no need to lay into them. It's true there's always two sides to every story but we never ask to hear the husband's side when a woman asks for advice. Instead everyone just tries to be supportive. Why can't this be the same?
Op, as a pp said, exhaust every avenue because one day your child will come and find you and you'll be able to show them that you never gave up on them and that will be important to them to know.