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Parenting

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Original poster

How to forget my son?

119 replies

lonelydad2022 · 16/04/2022 21:36

My son's mother and I have been in court for many months. I am trying to obtain access to him without any real progress. She doesn't want me in my son's life and will stop at nothing to prevent any kind of access. Even when I get access at some point in the future, she will make sure that I don't have a meaningful relationship with him. Every hearing is so draining that I am having problems with my health, at work and with my life in general. I am starting to think that it may be better to let it go for the good of everyone involved. So much hate between his parents cannot be good for him. I miss him so much so I don't know how I can forget him. Is that even possible? Can you forget you have a child in order to move on?

OP posts:

Original poster

lonelydad2022 · 16/04/2022 23:59

@TracyMosby

Again, what has your solicitor said?

She says that I am going to get access, that courts are slow and that I have to wait. I asked her what will happen when I have access and the mother of my son breaks the court order again and again as she will. She replied you take her back to court. More hearings, more wait.

OP posts:

saleorbouy · 17/04/2022 00:15

You have a right to see your boy so don't give up. The courts system is so bias for the mothers this situation would unlikely happen if it was the other way round.
I'm sure it must be draining but I think your son will appreciate your continued efforts especially when he us able to make his own mind up about the relationship he has with you.
A parent should always have the right to see their child providing there is no violence involved.
It's shameful and wrong that mothers are still able to use kids as emotional weapons against their fathers.

lollipoprainbow · 17/04/2022 06:10

@WeDontShutUpAboutBruno another empathy bypass here.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

fffffeeeedddduupp · 17/04/2022 06:56

You need to keep trying. You have to think one day your child will be older and may understand better what's happening. If he knows you fought for him it will do much more for his sense of worth than if you abandoned him.

Rainbowqueeen · 17/04/2022 07:11

If your solicitor says you will get access why would you give up?? I don’t understand.
There’s a lot of “woe is me” in your posts.

Keep going with the court action and get sone counselling. Life is tough sometimes but once you have a child you need to find a way to deal with it and put your child first. And every child deserves parents who are the best parents they can be.

Annette32123 · 17/04/2022 07:35

@lonelydad2022

So what you are saying is that it’s a lot of effort and you aren’t sure it’s worth the bother, because it’s upsetting for you? Is that right?

lollipoprainbow · 17/04/2022 07:38

@Annette32123 why so rude ??

Stellamar · 17/04/2022 07:51

Just keep going with the process. Keep trying. I don't think you should try to forget him or move on. If you have to wait, then wait. If you have to have another hearing, then have another hearing. It sounds like a very difficult situation, but just keep thinking about what is best for him. Unless a parent is abusive, I think it's always best for the child to have a relationship and contact with them.

Stay calm, stay reasonable, be persistent, be loving, let him know as he grows through words and actions that he is the most important thing to you, that you will never give up on him, you are his father and will always be there for him. Even if it takes years. Even if your efforts are rebuffed. There is always a chance for a reconciliation in the future. Children become adults and then they make their own decisions.

JulesRimetStillGleaming · 17/04/2022 07:56

This is so sad. I can't imagine how painful it must be.

I get what you mean. You don't want to forget him but you need to function.

I would probably work on some kind of archive you can give him in the future to show him how much you love him. You can poor all your feelings into it and know that one day you will be able to give it to him and know that it wasn't your fault you didn't see him. So make videos for him to show you're thinking of him maybe. I think this will channel the thoughts into something creative and positive and then you can literally put it in a box to save for the future.

cptartapp · 17/04/2022 08:08

Are you paying towards his upkeep? Saving in an account for him?

TracyMosby · 17/04/2022 08:10

Then you just keep going

pennywiselives · 17/04/2022 08:12

Some absolutely vile replies here.

Op please try not to take it personally, posters can be quite horrible to men using the forum.

Everyone knows how long the court process can take. Why are so many posters choosing to believe there's something untoward going on? Idiots.

lollipoprainbow · 17/04/2022 08:14

@pennywiselives totally agree some of the responses are so so nasty and lacking any empathy in what is a very sad situation. Some people just can't help themselves being vile.

Mommabear20 · 17/04/2022 08:14

Giving up will do nothing for your son except give his mother power to say all kings of nasty things about you which will make a relationship with him in the future near impossible. It also gives her that feeling of winning which in my opinion, any woman that wants to keep a loving dad from his child doesn't deserve!

MarshaBradyo · 17/04/2022 08:15

This sounds so hard but keep trying

dworky · 17/04/2022 08:19

This is typical selfish male behaviour. 'I can't have what I want so I will cut it out of my life'.

Don't do this, It will cause great harm to your child!

It is your main responsibility as a parent to make every effort to be there for your child, constatntly until adulthood. Anything less is neglect.
Stop thinking of your feelings & put your child first.

Pumperthepumper · 17/04/2022 08:20

@pennywiselives

Some absolutely vile replies here.

Op please try not to take it personally, posters can be quite horrible to men using the forum.

Everyone knows how long the court process can take. Why are so many posters choosing to believe there's something untoward going on? Idiots.

How do you know OP is a man?

I’m also suspicious of a poster complaining about blocked access and being vague of the reasons.

lollipoprainbow · 17/04/2022 08:22

@Pumperthepumper the clues in the name if you can be bothered to read 'lonelydad2022' ???

pennywiselives · 17/04/2022 08:24

@Pumperthepumper really? Anyone could be anyone here. It's an anonymous forum. Take the story at face value and offer helpful advice or don't post at all. Report if you're genuinely concerned. But coming on to kick someone when they are already down and in a horrible situation says a lot about your character.

Sometimes there are no neat little reasons. Sometimes the mother just wants to move on and cut the father out. Get a grip.

Pumperthepumper · 17/04/2022 08:24

[quote lollipoprainbow]@Pumperthepumper the clues in the name if you can be bothered to read 'lonelydad2022' ??? [/quote]
There’s loads of posters on here with names indicating the opposite sex.

Pumperthepumper · 17/04/2022 08:25

[quote pennywiselives]@Pumperthepumper really? Anyone could be anyone here. It's an anonymous forum. Take the story at face value and offer helpful advice or don't post at all. Report if you're genuinely concerned. But coming on to kick someone when they are already down and in a horrible situation says a lot about your character.

Sometimes there are no neat little reasons. Sometimes the mother just wants to move on and cut the father out. Get a grip. [/quote]
Garbage.

namechangeranonymouse · 17/04/2022 08:26

If you have separated from the mother because you have been abusive then walk away and out of your sons life. If this is not the case then continue with the court process. Try to compartmentalise it and not think about it all the time.

girlmom21 · 17/04/2022 08:44

I've seen good fathers be stopped from seeing their children because of vindictive mothers. I've seen good mothers be stopped from seeing their children because of vindictive fathers.

It happens. Often the RP doesn't have a legitimate reason but will make up all kinds of nonsense to get their way.

OP please don't give up on your son.

SpidersAreShitheads · 17/04/2022 08:48

I can't imagine being separated from my DC. It would break me.

Assuming that everything is legit and above board, then you just keep fighting on. Your DC is still so very, very young - if you win (as your solicitor suggests you will) then you will have many years of contact ahead of you. Just hang onto that thought right now.

If the relationship with your ex is as damaged as it sounds, it certainly will be difficult at times. But if she messes you around with court-ordered access she could end up losing custody of your DC - she can't withhold access forever.

It is hard and raw and painful, but if you keep the end goal in sight, you will be glad you kept going. And so will your child.

Are you named on the birth certificate? What kind of custody/access are you requesting?

pennywiselives · 17/04/2022 08:48

@Pumperthepumper why don't you just leave the thread. You are offering zero intelligent/helpful input and are making a fool of yourself.

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